Callie

If they're not blasted out of their mind, still functioning, going to work etc. How do you tell if they're using - what do you look for. I am always stuck because if AH even slurs one word I'm on him asking if he's taken anything etc. 99% of the time he'll say no.

What do you look for? Thank you!

1withaloha

Aloha....I am a recovering opiate abuser...(amongst other drugs alcohol etc...) and I didn't really slur on opiates...however I did on xanax...Opiates made me speedy it was like in my dementd brain i thought it put me in a good mood...HA! the big lie...I was sooo moody....Thanks for reminding how gr8ful I am for my bleesed174 days clean and sober!!!!! Good Luck and I hope this helped a little!!!:praying

anitac3

I also am involved with an addict that gets on the defensive when he is asked if he is using. I stopped asking and went with my gut. I can now tell by his eyes, raspiness in this voice and non stop talking. I walked away from this man before and he got clean and sober for almost 2 yrs. He is now using again, and I am walking again. I will never totally leave him, cause I will always be willing to help him go to treatment again. Good luck to you.

jerect

My husband gets on the defensive very quickly when he is using. Also, you can tell by their eyes, his pupils get very small when he is high.

WHen my husband is using opiates he is very unavailable to me. He tends to zone out and sleep a lot. Of course opiates may affect you addict differently.

Lately I have learned though that if my gut tells me he is using, he is using.

rahsue

I am the mother of a recoverying heroin addict, before the H, he used oxys and before that perks.
when he was not "nodding" he was very hyper, talked alot, usually about really really stupid stuff. If he was on the computer or watching tv he looked like a zombie staring at the screen with his mouth open. it was kind of like day dreaming. His pupils were tiny but that depended on how long ago he took it, (the heroin) on perks his pupils were always tiny.

now that all of that is said, you need to stop looking for all these signs unless finding out is going to help YOU, not him because you cannot help him only he can do that.
you need to look out for yourself

good luck

BayAreaPhoenix

I can't really say from "experience" - since I was late to the news, however, physical signs I was told was the small pupils - problem is my AH has really dark dark brown eyes, so you can't tell, and he's never been one to look me in the eye - for anything anyway!

I think the thing is that our antenna do go up when something's not right. We might not be able to pinpoint what or why, but somewhere something triggers and you "know". I never thought I'd get this point, and I certainly wasn't going to try, but surprisingly, I see it happening the more I understand this whole thing. Go with your gut.

(((hugs)))

How's it going today?

ZombieWife

You ever try recording him then playing it back later when he seems sober?

"Ok, so you weren't on anything then, eh?"

BayAreaPhoenix

Oh Zombie, Mine would just deny it was him. Doesn't matter what's on "record" - it's simply NOT TRUE!

My AH is turning out to have a very special gift for alternate realities - I think Rod Sterling was his godfather or something

Lily

As an also recovering addict who was adicted to opitates I used to get a hoarse voice, I would clean like crazy would be very talkative, up and when I would sit down I would nod off, so when I was using I would rarely watch TV or play on the internet for fear I would just nod. hope this helps! Sheila

serenityqueen

Here's a different twist, I'm a recovering addict/alcoholic, drug of choice, opiates.

I have nearly three years in Recovery and if you want the scoop of what to look for, I can describe myself quite clearly when I was using.

But first. If the person you are asking this question about has a history, exactly what do you expect to accomplish by knowing what to look for? I am not being sarcastic please don't think that. Honestly though, is it going to help you at all knowing the truth? Like rahsue said, knowing all of the signs isn't going to help the addict at all. You can educate yourself on every aspect of addict and, unless the addict wants help, it doesn't do one bit of good. I know when I was high and someone close to me called me on it, I denied it up and down. I either got really mad or would act all hurt,"How could you accuse me of that? I can't believe you! You don't trust me at all, do you? . . . " (Pour on the tears here) Someone could actually see me swallowing hand fulls of pills and I could stand there and say that they must be seeing things, I didn't take a bunch of pills! I was taking some tylenol, what's wrong with you! I'd try to make the other person think they were nuts.

The biggest sign when I was using was hyperactivity. I know almost every addict who's drug of choice was opiates get hyped up too on them. The "normal person" takes pain pills and it knocks them out. Seems like addicts who develop the love for these pills get hyped up. My ex husband, when we were married, could come home from work and before he even saw me, he looked around and saw the house was spotless, the laundry was all done, there was a wonderful smelling dinner cooking, a dessert was cooling and I was just sooooo happy to see him. Also, I was very, uh, anxious to get to bed, if ya know what I mean. And adventurous too. Once the lovin' was over, I would kiss him goodnight and explain that I just wasn't tired and was going out in the living room so he could sleep. Opiates had me speeding basically. Some nights I didn't get to sleep until the wee hours of the morning.. Then I was a real witch the next day cause the pills were usually gone.

I also did a great deal of scratching, mostly on my nose and face. I call this the narcotic itch. "My nose just itches, I feel like I have a hair on my face that I just can't get." I even went as far as to blame it on new makeup, or soap . . . laundry detergent. You name it.

Just remember, an addict will deny using til the end of time if they don't want help. And also, you have done nothing to cause this. No matter what the person says. None of this is your fault. We addicts are very good liars, and we can turn the finger pointing on you in a heartbeat, try to blame you for us using. You are not to blame.

Take care of you,
Judy

CarolD

Tiny Pupils...No Money..Lies

cookconfay

I am a recovering addict/alcoholic. In the end my drug of choice was heroin. I scratched, nodded, lost a ton of weight, was up....was down......got into trouble, got homeless, shoplifted to support my habit, avoided family, got impetigo twice from the dope, pawned everything while I still had it, lies....borrowing money from anyone and everyone....missing in action lots of times......unemployable......pupils were tiny.....oh and if I didn't have any after about the 3rd day of back on it....I was sick, puking, sweating, cold chills, HUGE pupils, couldn't sleep.....blech....................THANK GOD, I don't have to go through that again!!!!

splendra

(((((Callie)))))))


It seems that you have been with this man long enough to know just by looking at him what is going on with him....

Go look in the mirror and "see" who needs your loving,caring attention. Do whatever it takes to take good care of the girl in the mirror.

Callie

Thanks so much guys - especially to the RA's. That helps so much to see the other side. H and I were up until about 1:30 this morning talking about things. He flat out completely denied being on anything. He was just "tired". His pupils were small, s l o w talking, walking, some slurring, he kept sniffing - like his nose was running. I don't think he's snorting it, but he has a few times in the past but gotten sick from it. Does your nose run like that from opiates? By the way, he says it's percocet. Another question? If percocet can knock the normal person out, why does it have the opposite effect on him? Why does that make him go and do? Also, he says that they (whatever it is, percocet, darvocet, methadone, oxy etc) make him feel "normal". What does that mean?

I question this because bipolar has been mentioned several times by pdoc's - but then some say no, it's the drug use. He has been treated for bipolar in the past with multiple types of meds, but they've not really helped him.

For whatever reason after all of the lies last week that I caught him in, I'm *just* now getting how much he can lie. Before, I've always had a gut feeling if he was on something, but he would deny it so strongly. Saying things like "I would tell you if I had something, I'm just tired or I don't feel very well." But he got up yesterday and was go, go, go. Which is very unlike him. Usually he's very lazy. The clincher was that at times he has said, yes I took something. So he uses the fact that he *has* told me the truth in the past and says "I would tell you if I was taking something."

I know, I know I need to let go and let God :praying. But I guess I'm just trying to grasp what is going on myself. Although this is NOT new to me, I've learned sooo much here in the last week. I wished I would have found this site earlier. I've spent tons of time and energy on marriage boards, but addiction/mental illness is foreign to the average couple facing problems I've found. I see people complaining on those boards and it's like "uh, yea - take a walk in my shoes. Just because he won't empty the dishwasher or sweep the floor is a walk in the park compared to my life." I'd do just about anything to have my list of negatives in this M smaller than my list of positives. It's completely the opposite for me - as it is for many here I'm sure.

Anyway, thanks so much for your help - this thread has been so very useful to me.

jerect

(((((((CAllie)))))))))

My AH is addicted to opiates and his favorite pill is percocets. I'm still learning all the signs of him using but percocets are an upper for my AH, he is like you described. go go go and then when he is coming down he sleeps for hours.

I think all the lying and denying are just common traits of an addict. I Confronted my AH with a bag of pills I found and he sat their and denied that they were his.. He lies to me so much that now I can't decifer between a truth and a lie. Usually I can tell that he is lying when I ask him a question and he gets really defensive. Sometimes the question wont even be drug related but his guard is already up so he jumps on the defensive. I have heard the line "I would tell you if I was using something" more times then I can count. My AH has told me this line even when he was high.

I have learned though that you can look for the signs all you want but it will not change anything. We can try to control the situation but in truth we are trying to control something that we never had control over in the first place.

Try not to look so hard and try not to obsess over the signs that he is using. Listion to your gut, mine has never been wrong before. Also, I truly believe that my HP will show me what I need to know over time. In the meantime, work on keeping yourself happy and creating a saine environment for yourself.

I too have spent countless hours of energy on marriage boards and reading books on how to improve my marriage. I look at the common problems of normal couples and wish it was as simple as my AH being messy or watching to much tv. I try not to focus on that anymore. I'm trying to focus on myself because if you let it, your AH's addiction will take control of your life just as much as it has taken control over his.

katiedid79

My abf he snorts hyrdos mainly... What you mentioned above about slurring and all that. My abf does the same thing. Not all the time mind you. I wonder somtime if he isnt snorting oxys. Any who I understand why you are wanting to know. This is the same thing I went threw. I wanted to know .... Well now Im at the point where it dosnt matter anymore. I can call him on it all day. And he will deny it everytime. He would even come home with pill hanging out of his nose and try to tell me it was morter. Morter (cement kinda stuff for those who do not know) Any ways it would be blue or white and mortor is not that color mortor is gray , the kind he uses.

If he is saying he feels normal on a substance then he is an addict, not just an occational user. There are some good cheap books on amazon about the disease of addiction I would suggest you do some research and learn what you can so you know what your up agianst. Or should I say what he is up agianst. I at the piont were the more I understand about this disease the less I want to be there for my abf . Do I want to live with this kinda crap weather he is in recovery or not? Not sure yet , taking my time with my feelings.

cookconfay

My nose ran when I started to get dope sick, needing some.......

Chino

Our bodies produce endorphins which are natural opiates. When people have that upper effect it's because they're bodies have low levels of beta endorphins.

Opiate addicts stop producing natural opiates because the synthetic opiate has replaced it.

Callie

Wow - I never knew that. I never even thought of that. So just the fact that he says they make him feel normal is proof that he's been using for a long time right? Also, he has that greyish skin tone - he had that tone right before he went into rehab. I've got more drama that happened today, but I think I'll post it in another thread.

Callie

Another thing - many have pointed out that I shouldn't worry about whether AH is using because it won't help me. I see what you're saying, but I guess for 21 years off and on he's lied to me. I've not listened to my gut and have just let it go. For me, my search to understand and know what to looks for helps me, at least for right now to understand that I am NOT crazy, that I wasn't losing my mind. KWIM? He's flat out lied and denied so much for so long and tells me I'm imagining things etc. It's almost like this knowledge gives me the confidence to trust my gut instead of listening to his words.

Also, I have 7 year old twins. When we're not together I need to KNOW and SEE that he's not using before I would ever let him take them anywhere. There are times in the past that he seems ok, acts ok, but yet something is still off. This thread has helped me so much to know exactly WHAT to look for instead of just living and accepting that something's off. So it DOES help me to know, to have that knowledge. For myself and for the safety of my kids. AH loves his kids more than life itsself and would never do anything intentionally. BUT there are many times where he swears he's fine, looks fine, but yet something's off. It is then that he's slightly went off of our lane into our yard or pulled into the garage too far.

So thanks again for all of the input here - so helpful to me.