Ann

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Self Love

"I woke up this morning and I had a hard time for a while," said one recovering man. "Then I realized it was because I wasn't liking myself very much." Recovering people often say: I just don't like myself. When will I start liking myself?

The answer is: start now. We can learn to be gentle, loving, and nurturing with ourselves. Of all the recovery behaviors we're striving to attain, loving ourselves may be the most difficult, and the most important. If we are habitually harsh and critical toward ourselves, learning to be gentle with ourselves may require dedicated effort.

But what a valuable venture!

By not liking ourselves, we may be perpetuating the discounting, neglect, or abuse we received in childhood from the important people in our life. We didn't like what happened then, but find ourselves copying those who mistreated us by treating ourselves poorly.

We can stop the pattern. We can begin giving ourselves the loving, respectful treatment we deserve.

Instead of criticizing ourselves, we can tell ourselves we performed well enough.

We can wake up in the morning and tell ourselves we deserve a good day.

We can make a commitment to take good care of ourselves throughout the day.

We can recognize that were deserving of love. We can do loving things for ourselves.

We can love other people and let them love us.

People, who truly love themselves do not become destructively self-centered. They do not abuse others. They do not stop growing and changing. People who love themselves well, learn to love others well too. They continually grow into healthier people, learning that their love was appropriately placed.

Today, I will love myself. If I get caught in the old pattern of not liking myself, I will find a way to get out.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

hope213

there was a time that i had rather be anyone than me. i have always been on the quite,shy side.working my recovery i have learned that i am not as bad as i always thought. i have realized that people do like me. i have earned alot of respect.i still have a lot to learn but one day at a time it gets better. i feel better about myself since i have realized that i have no control over other people.recovery has taught me alot.i learn something new everyday.

Ann

As a card carrying member of the Hope213 fanclub, I KNOW that you are one terrific person and that you are one of the brightest shining stars SR has known.

:day4

hope213

thanks to you ann,i owe alot of what i am becoming to you.hugs,

itisatruth

Thanks Ann.....I am looking forward to the pics of your weekend away.

hope213, this is what you said to me on my first post:

Me: Maybe I should try to not be so hard on myself and realize I am not perfect.....no one is.

You:
honey, you have no reason to feel guilty. why be hard on yourself? this is not your fault. you are not the addict & you are not doing anything wrong. keep reading. you do not have to make a decision today. make boundries for you & your home.

I thought this was an appropriate time to tell you how much those words, your words, meant to me. The parts about not being hard on myself (loving myself) and not having to make a decision today.....you helped me that day more than I can ever express....thank you so much.

BayAreaPhoenix

Will today ever end? It is a roller coast day/week for me! It is ending on a high-note of a young person calling and wanting to share her "life changing" experience with me! That call was such a surprise, and why? Because someone wanted to share something good with me! She doesn't want something "from" me, she wants to share "with" me! I am so grateful today! I am exhausted, emotional, weary, teary, but most of all, I am beginning to like ME, faults and all. I'm not perfect, I don't need to be. Thank you Ann! You are a beacon! I know the book isn't yours, but you share with us every day not only the book but yourself and your strength -

(((hugs)))

hope213

(((((((itisatruth))))))

imallright

Ann... Thanks once again. I didn't read this post yesterday not sure why... guess someone knew I needed it more today. Once again, this is just what I needed. Have had a fairly calm few days, but it that is allowing me to focus more on me. That's a good thing I guess, but frankly it is pretty scarey. I told the counselor this week that I was feeling a bit lost. While I know that it is a blessing to be in control of my own life and to accept that control... finally... I am not sure what I am supposed to do.

Guess the answer is whatever I feel is right for me, but because I have always focused on what I thought was right for everyone else or what I thought I was supposed to do, I am not sure what is right for me. With the freedom comes loneliness... I am not sure what to do with myself and I am so afraid that I am going to do the wrong thing or that someone (maybe the kids) might need me when I am doing something else. I know this is kind of nuts... since what I am doing for me doesn't involve going to the moon or something! I am always available, but the guilt is huge. WOW... do I still have major work to do.

It is amazing to me how every day I uncover more and more of what I have done to myself by staying in a relationship that was rooted in addiction for all these years. I know that I did the best I could, but the amount of work it takes to move past the damage is amazing. AND.... the other amazing part, again is that I really didn't realize how much damage was being done. I just lived my life... survived. WOW.

Again, thanks to all for being there through this ride.... hopefully today will be on the up swing!