NEVEREnds

It's only been one day since I told my AH that he can no longer use my car and that he has 2 weeks to move out and I am already feeling guilt and depressed. I am feeling weak and so bad for making him feel bad and putting pressure on him to find a place in 2 weeks. He has no job, no car and no place to go, but I will stick to it. Thanks to this place, I will hold strong. (GOD willing) I can't help to think tho that he will get depressed and do something stupid to himself. I am so afraid that I will come home to find something that will devastate me. I even have had images of this in the past. How do I stop this so I know I can get through? I search here for answers because I seem to hear all the advise when I face certain things .. And I thank you all for that .. I'm just so worried that I will buckle cuz I know the pressure is gonna get hard ... My heart is breaking right now, but at the same time I'm also furious about the situation that I am dealing with right now ...

Thanks again for listening ...

laurie6781

OK, let's back the truck up a bit. If he CHOOSES to do something to himself it WON'T BE YOUR FAULT.

Now as to him having no place to go. All he has to do is look up the nearest Salvation Army, they have free program (an excellent one by the way), includes free housing as long as the rules are followed. If he is not ready for that, NOT YOUR PROBLEM.

You didn't CAUSE it,

You can't CONTROL it, and

You can't CURE it.

Maybe, just maybe by sticking to YOUR BOUNDARIES for YOUR SANITY, it just might bring him closer to his bottom. Addiction becomes less glamorous when there is no 'cushy place to live and someone to care of them."

There does that help? lol

Of course, you are hurting, however, the hurt is more for the person you thought he was than the one he is. Just remember when he opens his mouth to say anything to picture the big white AFLAC duck with the orange bill and the QUACK QUACK QUACK. Because that is what he will be doing QUACKING.

If you don't feed into his manipulation, then the pressure is immediately less. Try some Alanon and/or Naranon meetings, whichever have more meetings in your area. You will find 'support', live support, not cyber support, right away. And get some phone numbers, you will be amazed at how those in recovery are more than wiling to talk you through anything.

J M H O

Also, keep posting here, we do care!

Love and hugs,

Impurrfect

I had to sit down and write a list of everything that had happened that got me to that point. Once I started it, it wasn't just a list of what he'd done, but how I felt when he did something. The list got pretty darn long!

He will find a place to go. We addicts are very resourceful. Now that I'm in recovery, I use the determination I once had to protect my addiction, to protect my recovery.

Yes, it's hard, but if you don't stick to your boundary, it will only get worse.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

NEVEREnds

I'm going to have to sit down and make that list. I am so close to apologizing to him when I did NOTHING wrong. I will make it through this but it is already sooooooooooo hard. Crying, not sleeping, and the constant thoughts going through my head are making me crazy.

Jwife22

((((neverends))))

Great advise above.

fallen17star

I just want to say that I admire you for your strength. I am an addict and my mom seems to feel the same way you do. She wants to be there for me but Al Anon tells her to take care of herself first, because if she can't do that then she can't be there when I need her. I hope that everything works out for you and AH. It's going to take time but it's time to grow! Thanks again! -B