obsessed

As I posted earlier, Lauren is home and as I was reading over the replies, it hit me!!! Lauren does not know where she fits in!! It is like with her old friends, the ones before drugs, she is kinda ashamed to be around them but she does not realize that they still love her. One of her friends told me one day that she had alot of respect fo Lauren but that was when Lauren was trying and going to meetings. But with her druggie people, she feels accepted no matter what but I think she is figuring out that they are basically using her because she has a car. She was up this morning before me, I got up and she had cleaned her room and said she was going to look for a job so I am hoping but the realization of it all is I truly wonder if she will come back today?? But I just keep hoping and praying that maybe this time!! She said today was 10 days clean!!! 10 is better than none!!

Done_With_It

Yea, but you giving her a place to stay lets her stay in the middle...
She does not have to decide. She gets to stay undecided....

She does not have to make choices....

That is a convenient way to live...

You said she has 10 days and 10 days is better than none and in the breathe before that you said you did not know if she was going to come home.

Obsessed You are letting her live any way she wants to live.
If she wants to live the life of a meth addict, then that is okay with you, she can not come home, but when she wants to come home, she can have a fresh bed, food, and maybe job hunt if she decides to get off her butt.

You said you did not know where she fits in, Where do YOU fit in?
Do you fit in as her Mom or her friend?

I hate to be harsh with you, but My Mom would Not let me pull that crap with her... She would kick my ass...
She would not let me walk all over her, so guess what? I wouldn't do it.
I would not be able to live in her house with out a job. Period Amen.
If I was an addict in trouble? and moving home? Yes, I could...
But I would HAVE TO GET HELP...
NO QUESTIONS, WHAT SO EVER.....

NO WAY IN HELL, would she allow me to kill myself and live in her house.
Just because I was not using drugs, does not mean I am not killing myself.
There are all sorts of ways to be self destructive.
And I don't even know if I believe she's 10 days clean.
I believe she is telling you what you want to hear.

Come on Obsessed. You are letting her destroy your life.

I know someone who is one of my best friends who did so much of what you did for her daughter, for years, all the way to cleaning her daughters house, driving to her house to wake her up for work, driving there to chase off the drug addicts who occupied the house, she thought she could save her daughter.....

Till she layed in bed and thought about taking her own life, and you know what she had other kids....

Nothing helped until she put her foot down and said No more, Not until you get help. I will not be apart of your insanity...
Her daughter finally got help, and is clean now....

But it took her letting her daughter fall hard, it took the courts getting involved.

I don't know this is just my opinion.... I don't have a daughter, and I can not even imagine the pain or having to make the choices you all have too.
It breaks my heart to even think of what you must go through.
But I know from being in my own head, even recently, what helped and what didn't. Part of what made me not relapse was knowing everything that I would lose.



Right now, Lauren has her cake and gets to eat it too...2

You could look at it that way also....

As always said with love........


:praying

marle

As much as I love my daughter, she will never live in my home again, even if she gets clean and she knows it. Maybe the next time Lauren disappears you could decide that it is the last time that you let her take advantage of you. She does not need to come home. A nice rehab and a halfway house would definitely do for her. Take her out of the equation and you will get your life back. Hugs and prayers, Marle

caileesnana

I know your hope and fear, they are probably intertwined. While we don't want to enable, we also don't want to hurt, not enourage, etc. It is hard to know what to do. i have done the wrong thing many times and not only hurt me, but my AD. I know now her being in our home does not work! Too many times I believed her lies, manipulations. She would go throught the motions for a while, but it became to hard for my AD to walk the fence.

I pray this is real for Lauren and some do decide one day it's over and they are done!
you are in my thoughts and prayers,
susan

lilkim

Each person's abilty to tolerate things is different. What works for one addict may not work for another. Lauren is not you Miss Done with it. Nor is obessesed your mother. I know what I'm talking about. My daughter is 10 years sober from meth. My "kicking her ass" wasn't what got her sober. We need to offer loving support for Obessesed to find her way. What is comfortable for her. Not criticize her. It's a hard road for all of us.

hello-kitty

My heart breaks for you obsessed. You and your daughter have been in the same heart wrenching pattern of behavior for a very long long time. Absolutely heartwrenching. If nothing changes... nothing changes....

Done_With_It

Really? Cuz I didn't know that Obsessed wasn't my Mother. But thanks for the clarification..
LiLKim, I have talked to Obsessed extensively over the last "Two" or so years in great length, I have no doubt she knows what I say is out of love Not what "YOU" call criticism.

When I see a 17 year old girl go from living in her Mom's house to meth houses, to Making meth, to losing fingers to Obsessed getting threatened, AND worse, then I WILL voice my opinion when she asks.
Please Do Not tell me how to post, and I will not tell you how to post.
If my posts bother you, there is an "Ignore" function that you can put each user on.


Sorry for the Hijack Obsessed..

lilkim

I'm not going to argue with you. My daughter did all that crap. My house has been shoot up. My car had the gas line cut. I have been threaten because I would go find her. You have no children, you don't know. As far as 2 years, guess your advice is working that great. If she had pm you than she just wanted your advice. Reread your post. But I will take your advice on the button.

Thanks

Chino

obsessed, I hope you soon find what works for you and brings you serenity.

lilkim

Do what you can live with. What worked with my daughter and kept her sober for 10 years. Is so not working with my addicted bf. I moved out of the house and finally have a place to call my own. That has been a long journey in it's self. I still see him but he has to be sober to come over. Needless, to say, I don't see him much. But that's ok. If anything ever happens, I know I did my best for him. I can be at peace with that. I will miss and mourn him but I won't beat myself up. We all will be praying for you.