mistercm

These past 2 weeks have been complete hell. I had to pack up the house by myself, with two toddlers needing my attention. My MIL offered to help, but she just sat there and moped about how her daughter has treated her so badly because she's an crack addict, AND then my MIL started to lecture me on how I should CONTROL her daughter, and if I loved her I wouldn't separate her children from their mother. (MANIPULATION). I ignored it and went on with packing. Then my NAW came home from rehab three weeks ago, and didn't bother to help me pack or move until the last minute, we spent the last 2 days finish packing (we were suppose to be out on Mother's day) the small things and moving them, my NAW would take boxes of stuff, then unpack what I've packed and put them in another box! I asked her if she was stalling, and she said I was packing things wrong and she had to redo it. I found two crack pipes during the move, stuffed in a rag, I didn't say a thing about them, I just vocused on moving. My NAW found the rag and pipes in the trash, and told me she was keeping them to "remind herself not to smoke crack" I told her, "Ok, whatever" it was a long night. Before I left the house, I found the rag in the trash with the pipes, I was proud of her. Then my NAW hurt her back while picking up a box, and of course blamed me passive aggressivly (I hate that) , our children are very skitish around her, and that of course is my fault as well. FINNALY at 12am this morning I finished the last bit of moving, and on my way to work, my radiator hose bursts, then I get a call from my NAW saying that she is going to the ER for her back, and wanted me to be there with her. So here I am, on the side of the highway, its raining, my car is steaming, my NAW is laying guilt on me about her back and her addiction, and I just hung up the phone, turned it off, then started to feel that old feeling again. My addiction was nagging me "Just one hit, all this goes away" and I yelled out "All of this goes away, my children, my job, my life!" I turned on the phone and called my sponsor. He met me at the car, and we talked it out; and I swear, at that moment, when all was said and done, the rain stopped, and a small bit of sunlight came out. My sponsor said something that hit me good. "It can't rain everyday"

I am grateful for my higherpower today, and I'm gratefull for all of you listening to me vent and complain, but I really appriciate your insight, understanding and good thoughts.

Chino

That was so beautiful it brought tears to my eyes.

Thank you for sharing and ongoing prayers for your serenity and sobriety.

Yesterdaysnumb

Man, that was so encouraging.... I really want to print this out and show it to every addict I know. Your strength has truly helped us alll... you've made me smile.

MsPINKAcres

I have "Godbumps"

thanks so much for sharing - what a great reminder that even when we do feel overwhelmed "This Too Shall Pass"

So glad for you that you were able to make that call to your sponsor and NOT taking on the guilt. I like to say no way to Mr. Nasty Guilt Monster - he is served a permanent eviction notice from "Ritaville"!!

Keep on trudging the road to Happy Destiny!

Wishing you Serenity & Joy,
Rita

rahsue

I don't know how long you've been sober but you are going to make one hell of a sponsor one day.
keep up the good work brother, better days ahead for you and thats for sure.

hope213

good going, keep it up.prayers for you & your family.

lostparent

Late on this but wanted to say ...WAY TO GO !!!

Jwife22

(((mister)))) Ihaven't met you but just wanted to add my

bookmiser

Hey, Mistercm.....



Wow! I loved that story. Your working on amazing.
Sending you good vibes and lots o' prayers to keep the
strength flowing. Ya did good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For you, my friend.

Hugs,

splendra

Good job!!!

Serenity8

Wow, talk about a rough day. Glad you were able to see the sun through the all the rain and clouds.

mistercm

So it’s been almost a week since my NAW and I have separated. The kids are dealing with it very well, they like living at their aunts house and being with daddy. They haven't really asked about mommy yet, but I know its coming. My NAW is staying with her mother (major codie) and she is trying to deal with the stress of our separation, and its really effecting her, she hurt her back (she has chronic back pain anyways, lumbar protrusion SP?) and lifting that heavy box (which I nagged her NOT to do) made everything worse, she has a rash all over her chest (that’s from the stress) so the psydoc tells her to stop taking her psychmeds for 24 hrs to see if she is having a reaction to Lamictal (Lamictal can cause Stevens Johnsons Syndrome, its a big painful rash) so he sends her to a dermatologist, he give her ointment, and tells her to stop taking her psychmeds as well as her pain meds. So here’s my NAW locked in a room, with no meds, no car, no money, only a phone. And guess who she calls to ask for help? Me. I saw her last night and she is bad, she can't stand up straight, her left leg is dragging when she walks, she’s starting to feel the depression, she feels helpless. So the codie in me wants to take control of the whole situation and fix it. I almost did last night; I realized that her mother and she were ganging up on me to take control, to fix it. I was being manipulated! It was like they were tag teaming me with guilt and passive aggressiveness. I can't understand why these two women cannot deal with problems on their own. Its foreign to me, I grew up with very strong women in my life, women who wouldn't back down at a fight, or wouldn't take any BS from anyone especially a man, and now I have these two women in my life, who hang on my decisions or opinions. I may just sever all ties with these people. Their toxic. The drama is overwhelming. I often think of my life as a soap opera on TV. Only without the sex. Sheesh! Now I'm thinking what is going to be my next step. What part do I want to play in this comedy? I'm actually thinking of quitting my job, taking my kids, shutting off my phone, leaving all of our stuff behind at my sisters, and just driving to where the road takes us. See where random turns take us, what adventures or life we can find for us. There has got to be something better than this. There has got to be someone out there for me, who isn't so dramatic, sensible, and weak in sprit, body and mind. I'm feeling bleah today. . . and I think that’s ok.

Impurrfect

((((Mistercm)))

Yes, it's okay to have days where we just feel yukky. As Ann always says on here, the difference between a bad day and a good day is about 2 days.

I think you're doing great. I hate that they're trying to manipulate you, but at least you see it for what it is.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

cece

thank you for this sharing....
praying for sunnier days

rahsue

Your bad days are numbered, you have what it takes to make anything happen, of this I am sure. Hitting the road and making a new life sounds so good for me, hey if you can swing it and the kids will be fine with it, nothing ventured nothing gained, but don't forget your computer so you can check in with us.

Or of course if this is a bad day thought (and oh how I've had those) make something good come from it, if you can't go to the new life make the new life come to you!

good luck and warm thoughts always.

peaceteach

And don't forget (I read this here!) that sometimes DOING NOTHING IS AN ACTION.


(((Mr. CM)))