The hardest thing
 

I haven't posted in a while and my life has been like a roller coaster ride. Today I did the hardest thing. I told my AH that I am leaving. I am taking the children and leaving because of his drug use. It was so hard. The worst part of it was that he continued to lie throughout our discussion. Lies, lies, lies. That is all that comes out of his mouth. I really thought that on this day - the day I decided that enough is enough - I really thought he would have chose to tell the truth. But he can't... just as he can't stop using. I took all the blame from him, told him it was about "me and the kids" that "I" can't do this anymore. My children come first. I said this is "my" decision. And if he makes the decision to get help then things can be different, but this is what I have to do today and for me. I am really scared. Scared for myself, my children and also for him. He is working a 12 hour day today and, although I felt bad springing this news on him this morning, today was just the day. Now I have to follow through with it. I really don't want to go. But I must. How can I stay? Please send me your prayers that I can get through this. This is the hardest thing.

Hi Clhoe...

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I feel your pain. I too made the decision to end my marriage when my AH's drug use didn't stop. I was scared about what this would do the kids, but I was also scared to stay any longer and have these kids impacted. My AH has supposedly stopped using at this point, but for me it's too late. I can't stand not being able to trust him and I resent that his drug was more important than his family.

He loves his kids and will need to find a way to foster that relationship, but for me, can't do it. My biggest fear, once I made the decision of "no more" was that I would slip back and not carry through. There are still days that I am afraid of this. But, reaching out here, to my family, friends, reading about addiction and codependency have all helped me to focus on me and getting healthy again. My kids need me healthy and strong, just like yours do.

Keep coming back here and keep moving forward. You will know what is right. Put your healthy, sanity and happiness first, because you matter. Good thoughts and hugs.

I'm sorry you're hurting and my prayers are with all of you.

Every time I read a post like this, I realize it could be about my RAD somewhere down the line. She's 20 and single, but if she has children someday and relapses, I would hope the father would have his and any child's best interests at heart.

(((Chloe)))

Very brave! It's a hard decision to make with children involved, however, IMO the best decision you could have made for them and yourself since he is not able/willing to put the family's welfare first.

I'm (hopefully) in the process of moving out myself, I have no kids and it's still hard. I try to remember to replace Fear with Faith. It's hard, but everyone here has helped so much to keep my faith going, I hope we are able to do the same for you.

Good thoughts for a happy and healthy future!

Just sending prayers for you during this difficult time

be gentle with yourself....
I hope you have family/friends who will offer support

keep posting
there are many here that can offer ESH

Wanted to give you some support. Good for you for setting boundaries on what is unacceptable behavior and getting yourself and the children out.

Just take it one day at a time...

Sending hugs and prayers for you. I truly feel that, by making this decision, you are already on the road to recovery. Keep your "eye on the ball" ---keep focused on what you do want in your life and what you don't want: living with active addiction.

:ghug3

Be strong and hang in there. We're all pulling for you. I think it might bring you peace to be away from him. You can focus on your children and yourself and not have to worry every time he comes through the door: is he using? What will I find today? The suspicions, everything, will be somewhere else and not around you and your children.

Heal.

:ghug2

(((Chloe)))

Sometimes the hardest part of any situation is just making the decision that is right for you and your children. There are no easy choices, but there are healthy choices and removing yourself from the front row seat of the chaos drama is a good start.

Whether you decide to leave forever or just for a while until you regain your balance, is a good start.

Sometimes it's good to just form a plan, whether you actually take the action or not. Having a safe plan helps us emotionally, just knowing we have alternatives can ease the pressure of feeling "stuck" in a bad situation.

My heart and prayers go out to you and your children.

Hugs

Ann... Such wise, wise guidance. Thanks for sharing with Chloe and all of us. I would agree that one of the toughest parts was formulating what was the BEST course of action for me and the kids. Then working up the courage to act. Once I made some choices and realized that I would not die if I thought about me first and took some steps, it was incredibly liberating. There are still many frightening moments for me, but at least I have a plan and I have learned how to move forward and not be stuck in what I once thought was an impossible, no escape place.

((Chloe))
Sending you hugs and prayers. Praying that you making the choice you did will be a starting point for your AH to want to get help. I know this must be so hard on you but you are making choices of what is best for you and your children. I'm sure your AH loves the children, but he is sick and he has to want help. We are here for you and will give you all the support you need if you leave or if you stay.
Good luck,
Sending extra prayers for you and your family.