Ann

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Learning New Behaviors

Sometimes we'll take a few steps backward. That's okay too. Sometimes it's necessary. Sometimes it's part of going forward.
--Codependent No More

Life is a Gentle Teacher. She wants to help us learn.

The lessons she wants to teach us are the ones we need to learn. Some say they are the lessons we chose to learn before we were born. Others say they are the lessons that were chosen for us.

It's frustrating to be in the midst of learning. It is like sitting in algebra class, listening to a teacher explain a subject beyond our comprehension. We do not understand, but the teacher takes the understanding for granted.

It may feel like someone is torturing us with messages that we shall never understand. We strain and strain. We become angry. Frustrated. Confused. Finally, in despair, we turn away, deciding that that formula will never be available to our mind.

Later, while taking a quiet walk, we break through. Quietly, the gift of understanding has reached that deepest place in us. We understand. We have learned. The next day in class, it's hard for us to imagine not knowing. It is hard to remember the frustration and confusion of those who have not yet caught on. It seems so easy . . . now.

Life is a Gentle Teacher. She will keep repeating the lesson until we learn. It is okay to become frustrated. Confused. Angry. Sometimes it is okay to despair. Then, it is okay to walk away and allow the breakthrough to come.

It shall.

Help me remember that frustration and confusion usually precede growth. If my situation is challenging me, it is because I'm learning something new, rising to a higher level of understanding. Help me be grateful, even in my frustration, that life is an exciting progression of lessons.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

Ann

I often refer to my recovery and life as a tapestry, each thread insignificant alone weaves with the threads before it and the threads that come after, and eventually form a beautiful picture that begins to make sense.

Changing my behaviour meant changing my thinking first, and that required practice and diligence. I had to trust that what those who went before me told me and travel in blind faith, weaving each thread together until one day the pieces began to fit and I could wear my recovery like a comfortable jacket.

It seems foreign at first. "How can I ever do that?" "What will happen if I change what I do?" "Where will this take me?" Then I tried it, a little at a time, using the tools I was given so freely. One day it just all made sense and my questions were answered.

When we are ready the answers will come. They always do.

Hugs

peaceteach

How beautiful! Thanks, Ann!

Chino

Algebra class is a perfect analogy for me. I remember one teacher very well and her words ring in my ears all the time. Instead of looking at methodology, the equation, I was spending too much time trying to figure out why instead of y or z.

She finally told me to "just do it and you'll understand afterwards."

Amazingly it all clicked just like she said it would and it always has.

Cupicake

This was a tough but rewarding process of my recovery.

I remember getting so frustrated and tired of thinking so darn much...analyzing everything about me and why I do what I do...but I knew I had to push forward otherwise I'd be stuck in my old behaviors and ways of thinking. I had to live in discomfort in order to find my comfort. It was a constant everyday battle with myself. There were feelings that I could not define. My emotions were erratic at best.

But somehow I found the strength and I started to take steps forward and do different things that I otherwise would not have done if I wasn't working my recovery. There were moments before and there are still moments now that I find myself taking steps backwards but the wonderful thing is that now the steps back is where I find discomfort instead of the steps forward.

My personal trainer who is also a life coach also told me to "Just Do It". I try to live by that instead of staying in the state of contemplation because more often than not I end up talking myself out of things.

Thank you for this message today, Ann.

Serenity8

I realized within the last year, that being married to my husband, with all his addictions and compulsions, has forced ME to learn how to be my own comfort person. It has also taught me to be more accepting of other people, to be more tolerant, and to grow up. In some ways I am grateful to this situation, because I don't think I would have truly realized myself had I not been living with a person who is emotionally dead. Even though I know in my heart that it is time for us to separate ourselves from each other, I amd grateful for those life lessons.

I believe this was a lesson chosen for me, and I am a better person because of it.

Thank you for sharing this passage.