exbf was missing online today
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,103
exbf was missing online today
I just had to vent-letting go is so hard. I did not see my exbf on my ***** chat list today. This either means he blocked me, or he did not go into work today. The last time that happened, he had done blow the night before, after we broke up, and I was worried so I texted him.
Today was a good challenge. I was a little freaked I did not see him but I did not act. I did not text him. I did not email him. I did not call him. I just told myself to let go, and I moved on with my day.
He is an adult. Whatever happens, happens. I don't need to know. I told him no contact-now I have to stick to it.
In the car a song came on that made me think of him. I cried my eyes out, then I called nar-anon. I spoke with a very nice man there. I could not make it to a meeting this evening but I will go as soon as my work schedule calms down.
I am on chapter 3 of Codependent No More. It's amazing how relevant this book is to me.
I miss my ex like crazy, but I'm doing the best I can, minute by minute, hour by hour, to let go and focus on me.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Today was a good challenge. I was a little freaked I did not see him but I did not act. I did not text him. I did not email him. I did not call him. I just told myself to let go, and I moved on with my day.
He is an adult. Whatever happens, happens. I don't need to know. I told him no contact-now I have to stick to it.
In the car a song came on that made me think of him. I cried my eyes out, then I called nar-anon. I spoke with a very nice man there. I could not make it to a meeting this evening but I will go as soon as my work schedule calms down.
I am on chapter 3 of Codependent No More. It's amazing how relevant this book is to me.
I miss my ex like crazy, but I'm doing the best I can, minute by minute, hour by hour, to let go and focus on me.
Thanks for letting me vent.
rozied
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: PA, USA
Posts: 1,292
You did really good. Its not easy letting go of someone we love even when it is for the best. Keep focusing on your own life. Keep busy when there is too much time on your hands its easy to start thinking about him and remembering the good things.........................doing that will weaken your resolve.
My 1st marriage was to a compulsive gambler. I loved him so much I thought if only I was nicer, better looking, smarter, thinner, shorter, etc etc things would work out. It took 10 yrs, many mtgs of Gam Anon a divorce, remarriage, then another divorce before I realized it had NOTHING to do with me. He was what he was & nothing I could do or say would change him. Since I could not accept him the way he was I had to move on. It was hard especially with 2 sons to raise by myself but I did it. I went bk to college, got my degree, then stayed alone 10 yrs before I met & married my present hubby. I have never been happier & we will be married 23 yrs this Nov...............then guess what???
After 25 yrs my ex called me & said all the things I had prayed for way bk then. Its not funny, its sad because there were 2 children that were hurt badly. He went from gambling to drugs & is now 63 yrs old & has only been clean & sober since he was 58.
Boy am I ever glad I didn't stayt with him my life would have been hell.
I hope what I have shared helps.
Good Luck,
Diane
My 1st marriage was to a compulsive gambler. I loved him so much I thought if only I was nicer, better looking, smarter, thinner, shorter, etc etc things would work out. It took 10 yrs, many mtgs of Gam Anon a divorce, remarriage, then another divorce before I realized it had NOTHING to do with me. He was what he was & nothing I could do or say would change him. Since I could not accept him the way he was I had to move on. It was hard especially with 2 sons to raise by myself but I did it. I went bk to college, got my degree, then stayed alone 10 yrs before I met & married my present hubby. I have never been happier & we will be married 23 yrs this Nov...............then guess what???
After 25 yrs my ex called me & said all the things I had prayed for way bk then. Its not funny, its sad because there were 2 children that were hurt badly. He went from gambling to drugs & is now 63 yrs old & has only been clean & sober since he was 58.
Boy am I ever glad I didn't stayt with him my life would have been hell.
I hope what I have shared helps.
Good Luck,
Diane
Restoring myself to sanity
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,018
Good for you for sticking to your boundries. Take things one day at a time and things will get easier. Create the life you want to live, not one you would have chosen to live if you had stayed with your addict.
If you can, find a meeting to attend. You don't have to have contact with your ex in order to attend these meetings. You will find other people there just like you who are dealing with the effects of alchohol and drug abuse. The 12 step program is a wonderful tool to use to get back in touch with you..
Good luck and keep reading and posting here : )
If you can, find a meeting to attend. You don't have to have contact with your ex in order to attend these meetings. You will find other people there just like you who are dealing with the effects of alchohol and drug abuse. The 12 step program is a wonderful tool to use to get back in touch with you..
Good luck and keep reading and posting here : )
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,384
I know this is really, really hard right now, but it will get better. Have you tried keeping a journal? That's what I did after a really rough break-up. I felt awful for awhile, but my journal showed progress. Slowly, I learned to live without checking up on him and trying to take care of him. The meetings sound like a really good idea.
Keep saying the 3 c's to yourself over and over again. You can't change it, you can't cure him, and didn't cause this. I read the sticky about "Let Me Fall" every single day!
One thing that has helped me with my AH, is that I will pray for him. I will pray that his HP will guide him in his decisions, and then I have to just let it go. It is a struggle for me, but I believe it is the best way.
Take care.
Keep saying the 3 c's to yourself over and over again. You can't change it, you can't cure him, and didn't cause this. I read the sticky about "Let Me Fall" every single day!
One thing that has helped me with my AH, is that I will pray for him. I will pray that his HP will guide him in his decisions, and then I have to just let it go. It is a struggle for me, but I believe it is the best way.
Take care.
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