mistercm

I'm starting my divorce today. My wife has been home for 5 days from rehab and the pattern is starting all over again. She has this "Why should I care" attitude with her. I feel like a fool!!! This whole marriage was a lie from the beginning. She just used me to get a free place to stay, free food, money and smokes. At least I got two great kids out of it. Those two are my pride and joy and they deserve better than this, we deserve better than this. We're moving to my sister’s house tonight. Today at my daughter's school was a mother’s day tribute; my wife didn't want to go. She wants to "Find herself", she says she’s tired of the same thing everyday, she’s bored with being an at home mom, she says she needs a change. Well she’s gonna get one real soon. The other day my 4 year old daughter and I were coming home from daycare, and we passed by this dilapidated house (looked like a crack house) my daughter said to me "Daddy! That looks like the house that mommy took me to!!" I pulled over and cried a bit. I'm surprised that my wife would put our child in danger like that! Today my NAW is somewhere, no one can get her on the phone, I haven't tried, and I'm not going to. I know where she’s going; I know what she’s doing. Its either vicodin or crack. I don't know where she got the money, and I'm sure I know how she’s paying for it. I feel so stupid! Time for a change.

Love all of you, thank you for your help and thoughts.

MsPINKAcres

((mistercm))

hate so much that your daughter was exposed to those horrible conditions. Hate that you are going thru this painful experience too.

It is difficult to watch someone we once cared for deeply to walk down such a destructive path - but I have had to just Let Go and Let God with many of my Loved ones.

Please continue to take good care of yourself. I hope that you can seek out help for you thru al-anon, nar-anon, counseling, SR and thru supportive healthy friends.

Wishing you and your children Serenity & Joy,
Rita

NEVEREnds

(((((mistercm)))))

Sending prayers and hope for peace and serenity for you and your child. :ghug2

Chino

I'm practically jumping up and down with joy that you are taking care of your kids. They are young enough that any damage done should be minimal and they'll always know you loved them enough to protect them.

God bless you.

rozied

My heart went out to you when I read your post. Many yrs ago I was married to a compulsive gambler. I had 2 young sons. I tried to get him to get help to no avail. When I was 27 I took my kids & left. I went bk to school & got my BSN. After 10 yrs alone I met & married my present husband. We will be married 24 yrs this Nov. Once I had thought I could never love anyone the way I loved my 1st husband. I was wrong. My husband is a wonderful man & I have never been happier.
Wishing you the best of luck,
Diane

BayAreaPhoenix

(((mistercm)))

Another Active Parent! My heart bursts with all you active parents around here!

... And my heart breaks for you, I can hear your heart-ache. Good things are out there for you. First and formost, is being healthy for you and your children.

Prayers and hugs to you and your family!

ihatethis

So proud of you for putting your children first and taking steps to move on. I can't believe she took your baby to a crack house, but why should anything be surprising anymore? Your kids are lucky to have you looking after their best interests and to teach them that when they grow up they don't have to take whatever is given to them. They can demand more. They deserve more.

peaceteach

You go, mr! Time for a change--for YOU. Great choice!

Ann

Mistercm, it's a beautiful thing you are doing for that child. We're all adults, as are our addicts, but it's the precious child who has no say or control that touches my heart most.

I know this is painful and you'll have some rough days, but eventually the pain will be behind you and wonderful new beginnings will await your arrival. You're not walking alone, we're sharing our light and walking right beside you, and holding your little girls hand too.

We're here and we care.

Hugs

Serenity8

It is wonderful that you know what is most important - the welfare of the two innocent children involved.

funkzter

((mistercm))

Sorry for all the hearthache you've gone through and good luck for the divorce.
The hardest is to take the decision, one the decision is taken then things should look brighter, slowly and surely.

positive energy coming your way ~~
Carine

mistercm

Thank you all for your support! The kids are what is important. Last night my wife tried to use sex as a manipulation tool. I almost feel for it, got up, and hit the shower. Then she accused me of using her sexually, which I have no idea where that logic is but oh well. We talked about the divorce, and what shocked me was she said that she dosen't want to share custody, she said that they're my problem now. Which I think shes just trying to see if I suddenly take an interest in her downward spiral, wanting me to help her, take control. I didn't give in. I told her I would be proud to take the children! And I've been doing a great job for the past 4 years, so its no problem with me. I hope she gets her life straight, I hope she learns to love herself, I hope all goes well for her. I just don't want to be apart of her life anymore. I don't want our children to learn from her, or see her so mad at herself.

Love you all very much....

BTW a friend of mine gave me a great book "CoDependent No More" So far, I identify with every word. Its a good pain, I'm learning from it.

Thanks lots of love!

katie44

(((mistercm)))
Good for you for putting your children first. Sounds like you are ready for recovery. Love yourself and your children and a whole new world will open up for you.

mistercm

My NAW is doing it again, She's back tracking, she also knows the time is near for us to part and she isn't taking responsibility of that, she hasn't called to make arrangements to be picked up or dropped off, she hasn't packed any of her things, its like she's waiting for me or you to do it for her, and that everything she said last night to me she said was out of fear and she felt attacked.

She did reveal to me though that she is afraid that I won't love her anymore if she gets better; and that I might say "Oh well I was wrong goodbye!" I told her if we continued on this relationship the way we are right now, only one of us getting help for their dependencies, then that will probably happen. I told her she deserved to be happy, to be loved, to be healthy, she told me she didn't feel that way about herself, so I told her to get help finding out why. That would be the first step. She still thinks that I hate her, and I told her that I hated the person that she has become because of drugs, and co-dependency. I told her change is scary, I'm scared too on what will happen, but lets just heal ourselves from all of this doubt, anger, resentment, guilt and fear; and see what happens. I asked her to heal herself, and I will heal myself, and we'll see if we meet together in the end of it all. It took her all day to answer my question about divorce ; she finally answered my question from last night. The answer was NO! she doesn’t want a divorce. I'm not sure about that yet. I have to think on it. I know my options, but then again I'm gun shy, I don't want the kids to get hurt again, and I don't want to get hurt again. Crack addicts are very peculiar addicts, they depend on others more often, deep and dark dependency it seems, they (well all) control relationships with their addiction and disease ("It's so and sos fault that I relaped, not mine" "Your kicking me out of my home, I guess I'll just go out and use, then whatever happens will be your fault" oh and my favorite "I'll just kill myself and that way you won't have to deal with me anymore")
I not going to speculate what is going to happen, I'm not going to waste my time with that. I'm just going to focus on my two wonderful children, and myself. My wife will have to deal with no one else, but herself now. Its up to her to take it to someplace good. I hope she goes to her to her higher power (whatever that is to her, whatever she calls God) and give him control

hello-kitty

Good! Don't speculate. Don't be manipulated. Keep moving forward with your decision. Whatever is meant to be with your wife will be. But you have the future of your children to think about.

Stay in the present. Don't back track. And trust that you are making the WISE choice mistercm. You are a man of your word and I admire that.

bsfish

Mistercm, I'm sorry to hear things didn't work out on her return, but it sounds pretty obvious she isn't ready.

I'm so happy to hear you are taking of the kids and yourself. I'm in a similar position, and no question if my AW comes home like that, I'll do the same. My kids are the same age as yours and there's no way the'll grow up in the environment that they have been exposed to so far. Everything you said in your first post hit close to home here, down to the crappy old house. Ditto.

Whether today was manipulation or not, any mom that can tell you to go ahead and take the kids, should have nothing to do with them.

It sounds to me like you are making a very good decision. A tough one, but the right one. You'll be able to look at your kids every day and know that.

Good luck. Your right on the book, it's been great for me too. She has others that are good too.