katiedid79

Hi guys, ok I was doing pretty good with the obsession /addict for 2 days. But today I feel the anxiety and the loss of control hitting me agian. I keep repeating I cant control it .... I keep praying ... Just seems to be cycling around and around in my head. The last 2 days my abf has pretty much igonored me. He has come home and spent about 15 min. or so with his duaghter before her bed time. But I think he is angry at me because of the boundry I had set that if I found pills agian that he had to leave , then when I found them I told him he had another option instead of leaving to at least start goign to NA. Anyways I want to call him and see if he is going to go to the first NA meeting tommorow , becuase he siad he was going to start to go, but he didnt call me all day yesterday when I was at work and Ive been trying to distance myself from him. Why should I talk to him and care when he dosnt care for me. Dosnt care what I think or feel... I guess I know the answer he donst care for himself so he cant care for me. Im just frusterated. Should I call and ask him ? Really it dosnt matter if he goes he will go of his own free will. Nothing I say will change that. Then I just want to support him as well and if he is thinking of not going I wanted to try to incourage him to go. Is that being codependant? Should I just leave things alone ? Going crazy. Im not going to do anything until I come to some peace about this. When I feel right with the decision.
This is one of the reasons I think it best he moves out. I keep cycling I go for a couple of days good and then back to the out of control feelings and anzxiety .......

Yesterdaysnumb

First off, let me say congrats for being so strong and keeping your boundaries!! I believe that you should stick with it. My AH just left our home yesterday... he's threatened suicide. He even left me a note saying that he killed himself! Ugh! Believe me, you want him to know that you're serious about him getting himself together. And it's not your place to try to check up on him to make sure he's doing the right thing. If he really wants to, he'll find a way.

katiedid79

Ok after posting and letting myself have some time to think instead of jumping on the first Idea, Thats one of my problems Ive been working on is , when I get stressed I have poor inpulse control. Anyways I figured out that I think its not so much him going as it is I just wanted to talk to him... See were his head is at and what is he thinking about everything. But everytime I try to do that we just end up in a fight.
Although I think I know where his head is at if you know what I mean.
Sorry had to throw a little humor in. Ok so question is what line should be drawn has far has being helpfull , supportive as far as NA goes . Or is this just somthing I need to keep my mouth shut about and back off. What if he dosnt go ? What approach should I go by? That was the deal if I found the pills he either leave or go to NA , so what happens if he dosnt go? What is a reasonable amount of time to not talk to him about it and see if he is going?

katiedid79

Im sorry about you AH leaving the note. I take it he is trying to manupilate you? Some of the things that they do to try to get there way just drives me crazy . Your right about sticking to the boundaries. I just want things to move faster , I want therapy to happen now! You know what I mean? I want to work on this as much as possaible and be done with it. But you know things just to happen that way I guess. Im inpaitent when it comes to these types of things. Thanks for the encourgment.

Yesterdaysnumb

You're very welcome. And you're right. My AH just tries to manipulate me. He just called and said. "My suicide attempt didn't work..." And I said, "well you should've tried harder!" LOL. I was kidding but seriously. We have to be done with the whole pity party thing. That's for the birds.

I understand very well where you're coming from. I really want him to be well. I want my husband to be clean and sober and counseling other young men on what NOT to do in life. I want that now before things get so bad that everyone knows how much of an addict he really is. I'm also inpulsive and inpatient. But maybe that's why God is sending us through this trial... to learn patience...

Chino

You show him the door or it's more of the same old same old.

katiedid79

Thats the next step/route Im going to take .... I have to stick to my boundries. After all didnt you know he isnt that bad. Thats what he told me. He siad he could be allot worse , like some people he knows. My thinking is then why is it so hard for you to go? Hes still in denial. Nothing I can do about that.

katiedid79

Well I guess I will have to wait and see. The next meeting is tommorow at 7. I have a feeling he is not going to go. I think he is trying to avoid me so I dont ask him. Or maybe the relationship has been over for a vary long time and he just dosnt have the guts to be upfront. All this crap going on and my first mothers day and my birthday is next week. I guess the only one I can count on to make those days special is me. Im kinda feeling sorry for myself at the moment . This has always been a hard time for me every year. His idea of birthdays are , oh its just another day.... I can here anvil saying , well why dont you get off your butt and do somthing about it...........................

Freedom1990

That was a problem for me too when I was married to the addict hubby. I kept lowering the bar of standards/changing my boundaries.

I lived that way for 5 years. It was amazing the horrible things I was eventually willing to accept because I was so deep in my own addictions, and didn't even know what codependency was.

It's such a gift today to count on myself, and myself only, there are no drugs/alcohol in my home, and I thoroughly enjoy not being enmeshed in a sick relationship with an addict