Changing Myself
 

May 7th - From Sharing Experience, Strength & Hope in Nar-Anon

One morning I found myself crouched on our front porch steps. All the lights were out inside and outside of the house. I was watching the cottage next door for half the night while my husband was crouching in our car with a gun and a rifle. This was when I finally had to admit to myself that I could not protect my addicted son twenty-four hours a day. A drug dealer was after him. The stress of having to move to another residence, coupled with a breakup with his girlfriend, sent my son veering out of control and acting as if he was having a nervous breakdown. I finally decided to join Nar-Anon and found the help I needed.

At my first meeting, I heard other members share their pain and successes. It was with great relieft that I heard for the first time the three C's: "I didn't cause it, I can't control it and I can't cure it." I repeated that phrase in my head over and over again in the following weeks. Another precious piece of information I received that evening was that I could only change myself. I embraced that one thought and felt an overwhelming weight lifted from my shoulders.

I now understand that for my son to recover and have a chance to gain wisdom, strength and confidence in his decisions, I need to get out of his way as he experiences the ups and downs of his everyday life. I continue to remind myself that "I didn't cause it; I can't control it; and I can't cure it."

Thought for Today: I will work my program because I now know I can only change myself. I must step aside and allow the addict to deal with the consequences of his using and get out of God's way.

"Do you prefer that you be right, or that you be happy?" ~ A Course in Miracles

When I first head this statement, my thoughts were why can't I be BOTH?

After being in a program of recovery for myself for a while now, I know that I can't be both because I don't necessarily KNOW what is right for everyone.

That was a tough pill to swallow.

So now I try to "Let Go & Let God" and realize that my HP knows what is right for others and I can focus on myself and let my HP do the rest.

Wishing you Serenity & Joy,
Rita

Once I got out of my son's way, he soared. Without me asking all the questions and suggesting this and suggesting that, he does it all right for himself. I sure wish I had done this earlier, lol. If he does slip, I have to be strong enough to just step back and say good luck buddy, you know what to do. I think of slips often, no I'm not a pesimist (sp) just getting MYSELF ready to "NOT ACT". I never realized that I too had to work a program to be happy and stay the heck out of the way. Mr. Rahsue has a hard time dealing with me saying "I don't know" or "it's not my business" alot more than I used to. It feels really good to not be in the thick of it all. lol