i need some advice, please.

Old 05-06-2008, 05:35 PM
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Question i need some advice, please.

So, my girlfriend just recently started the recovery process.. she's addicted to marijuana (until i met her, i didnt think pot was a drug you could get addicted to.. but its unbelieveable. its not as potent and dangerous as some other drugs, but definitely addicting). and i'm not really sure how to act around her now, or how to be there. addiction runs thick in her blood, and im almost afraid she's going to give up one vice for another.

we've been dating for just about 2 years, and just a few months ago, i moved in with her.. she JUST started this process, 4 days ago. she's really hit her rock bottom..she's just been so depressed and feels like she can't get anything together in her life. i just need some support in knowing that i'm doing everything and all i can do for her. i'm willing to do anything and everything it takes for her to get better..

advice? help? how do i help her without coming off as pushy??
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Old 05-06-2008, 05:45 PM
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Ann
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Welcome to SR, Lilerinxx. I'm sorry about your girlfriend, and yes, addiction to pot can be as awful as addiction to anything else. And sadly, it rarely remains with just pot, not when it's at an "addiction" level.

Take a read around, especially the sticky threads at the top of this forum and it may help you understand what living with active addiction can be like. It isn't pretty and you may want to reconsider your living arrangements, but that of course is your choice to make.

There's not much you can do for her, encourage her toward a better path perhaps but in the end it is she who will have to decide to change and find recovery.

You can find a better way to live, regardless of how she is doing. Our recovery here is about us and learning to regain our balance. If you haven't already been to an Alanon, Naranon or CoDA meeting, you might want to try a few. Meetings have helped many of us surround ourselves with live support and helped us learn to work 12-steps of recovery that saved our lives.

Others will be along who have walked where you walk. My son is the addict in my life, but I understand the pain of watching someone we love destroy themselves through addiction.

Again, welcome, I'm glad you found us.

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Old 05-06-2008, 05:57 PM
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Welcome inxx...

It's tough. You can't fix her problem, trust me. She needs to work it through and IMO, she needs to do that w/help. Smoking pot is addictive and it can definitely impact a person's ability to interact "appropriately" with others. I have been married to man who has smoked for more than 30 years. It is nuts. I have finally said enough, and I hope for his sake he truly means it when he says he is not using ever again, but he is not seeking help, so I doubt it. Focus on you. Encourage her, but remember to take care of yourself. It is easy to get caught up in the drama... you need to be happy, don't let it get you cornered.
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Old 05-06-2008, 06:09 PM
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It's so hard, you know? I mean, since i've known her.. she's smoked.. alot. She'd go through $70 worth in just 2 days. And now, even though it's only been a few days, shes been crabby and grumpy.. and i'd do anything to help her clean up, you know? but im afraid i'm gonna come off as pushy, or over-aggressive or dominating. i know this is something she has has to do on her own terms and on her own timeline, but shes also the type of person who talks alot, but then doesn't act on anything.. so im afraid if i dont push her..it wont happen.

i don't know. maybe i'm just pushy by nature. i just want whats best for her, you know? and to add to the stress, we're (obviously) a lesbian couple, and alot of people don't take us seriously..so im afraid people wont take her addiction seriously.

ugh. i dunno. maybe im going about this all wrong.
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Old 05-06-2008, 06:27 PM
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Ann
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I know your frustration at wanting to help, even if pushing sometimes.

I promise you that nothing you do or don't do, nothing you say or don't say nothing you feel, will make a lick of difference, she'll use or get clean on her own decision alone. Most of us here have begged, cried, yelled, pleaded, negotiated, manipulated and tried to love our addicts into recovery. All the love in the world can't save them, if it could not one of us would be here. Only they can do that themselves.

What helped us was taking care of us. In the end, that's usually what helped our addicts most of all because it was then they could learn their own lessons and live with the consequences of their actions. Who knew?

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Old 05-06-2008, 10:27 PM
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Welcome! A lot of people here have a lot of wisdom, much more so than me, so I won't give you any advice other than to take care of yourself.

My wife started using pot at a young age to self medicate or cover up other issues. That turned to an addiction that tuned to meth for a while, then seriously to perscriptions and back to meth when those weren't available. So it can get worse. I tell you this not for you to use to push her, you can't. It's for you to think about so you start setting your limits and boundaries. I knew nothing about all this until I started reading and talking and learning about codenpendancy. It was eye opening to see how much damage all my pushing and controlling was doing to both my wife and myself.

Stick around, lots of good stuff here.
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