daisylady

My mom gave me $200.00 today to give to my AH for his birthday (his birthday is tomorrow). Problem being, I know he will use the money to buy drugs or if I buy him a gift card or certificate with the money I know he will just trade it in for drugs.. What should I do with the $200.00? I thought about going shopping with him so that he can pick something out and I will pay for it with the money she gave me... or I have thought about just giving it back to my Mom. If I give the money to him I feel like I am enabling him with my parents money... thoughts?

p.s. I came home tonight and he has spent another $40.00 on pot.. so I know it is only a matter of time before he either gets back on track or falls way way way off the wagon...

sobera

If there was one thing I learned from my experiences is that you could never trust an addict with money. If I were in the situation, I'd take him out shopping and make him choose his presents. Or maybe, since his birthday is tomorrow, you can buy a late gift for him with the money and give it to him later on?

Taking5

Why do you think your mom gave you cash instead of giving him a real gift? You think she knows he is a user and probably burning up (no pun intended) your money? It is probably easier for her to handle it this way, an acknowledgment of the problem, without any confrontation.

Ann

That's a toughie...whether to step aside and let her gift go directly to him as intended and just not take responsibility for how he spends it, or to do something with it and try to cut off the "enabling".

I think I'd tell your mom that cash isn't a great idea and that maybe you could spend it on a new_____whatever____ that you know he'd like.

I know that whenever I tried to control the outcome, it just didn't work. If they are going to use, they are going to use. That said, I think I'd still spend it on something special for him that he would like.

Gift time can really stink when we're in this situation, yes?

Hugs

daisylady

Thanks for the advice, and yes Birthdays are not fun when we are in this situation... That is sad huh? Birthdays should be joyous and filled with love...

I know he is going to use if he is going to use but it hurts so much worse when I know the money came from my parents. They work hard for their money and it kills me to think that my AH would spend MY parents money on drugs. I also have learned that addicts don't care where the money comes from to buy their drugs... because they don't care about themselves.

Thanks again for the advice... what would I do without this site?!?!? I would probably be much more crazy than I am now!!!

Cupicake

Gifts are tough when it's either money or jewelry. I would take him out to dinner and shopping...compliments of your mom. I don't see this as controlling. You would just be keeping your sanity and bringing a little joy to the day. Let him pick his favorite restaurant.

lil516

I'd use the money for a birthday dinner and/or movie.....an evening out....babysitter (if you have little ones etc....) spend it in some consumable manner

if his using has caused any financial problems (and when doesn't it!) perhaps some of it could go toward a bill ("How nice of mom to treat us to a dinner and help with a bill in honor of your birthday!")

good luck....