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Thinking out loud

Old 04-30-2008, 10:17 AM
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Thinking out loud

Just need to get some thoughts down so I can clear my head. I have been sitting here for the last hour (at work no less) wondering why my AH still hasn't learned his lesson after a near death experience 6 months ago and a fender bender that could easily have been a DWI if the woman hadn't agreed not to call police when she realized my husband was drunk. He keeps saying he wants to quit, wants to go to meetings, etc. etc. etc., but never does. And for the last couple of months, he's been stealing from his work to support his habit. I don't say much about his use to him anymore, but any time given the opportunity....for instance, he makes a comment about it and waits for a response from me, I do. He says things like "well, I tried to hook up, but the guy (dealer) didn't call me back" *LIE*, "well, I don't know anyone anymore, so can't get anything anyway" *LIE*, "I'm not stealing, it's just scraps(copper) anyway" *LIE TO HIMSELF* since his boss keeps the scraps and then cashes them in to reinvest in the business. "I am going to a meeting Monday" *LIE LIE LIE I HAVE HEARD SO MANY TIMES* "I mean it this time" *LIE LIE LIE* "I sat at work and drank with the guys, I didn't go to the strip bar" ***GIVE ME A FREAKING BREAK, LIE*** "That wasn't a dealer, that was so and so" *LIE*, "I know, I'm an idiot, I'm stupid" *LIE TO HIMSELF AS AN EXCUSE MAYBE?* I could go on an on as I"m sure you all know all too well. I've kind of reached the point where I don't care anymore...I guess I do, but I just don't openly react to him anymore. I keep it to myself. I just keep wondering over and over why it continues and why I keep putting up with it. Easier to stay together then separate I guess...*LIE TO MYSELF* Sometimes I just get so sick of the same old thing day after day. Sometimes it's so hard to detach and focus my thoughts elsewhere. Today is one of those days. I feel a lot of frustration today. I can't just be happy with settling today, I want more....but I know by tomorrow that will pass and I'll be able to overlook again...but still always that nagging feeling in the back of my brain, stomach, heart, soul.

Well, I know the answers, I know why he continues...he's an addict and it's what addicts do. And I know why I stay, because I'm not ready to leave.

Nothing changes if nothing changes.

Right now at this moment, I'm going to cast all my burdens on the Lord, ask him to help me Love, Encourage, Suppport.

Thanks for letting me put it all on paper (so to speak)
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Old 04-30-2008, 10:22 AM
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Crushed, I want to say to you that I understand your feelings. I wish I had an answer for you, but unfortunately I dont. My boyfriend is a crack addict, but doing better at the moment but I know if he went out and used again i will be asking myself the same questions.

hugs,
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Old 04-30-2008, 10:39 AM
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Sometimes it's so hard to detach and focus my thoughts elsewhere.
Overlooking your true feelings about his behavior is not the same thing as acceptance and detachment which is why you may be having a problem today. It's denial. and there is a difference between detachment and denial.

It sounds like today, you are allowing yourself to feel your true feelings and having a normal reaction to a dysfunctional relationship. Tomorrow, you may be able to bury them again.

I can't just be happy with settling today, I want more....but I know by tomorrow that will pass and I'll be able to overlook again...
That's not healthy sweetie.
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Old 04-30-2008, 10:49 AM
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WOW. --
Overlooking your true feelings about his behavior is not the same thing as acceptance and detachment which is why you may be having a problem today. It's denial. and there is a difference between detachment and denial.
That is powerful That is REAL.
Thank you for that Hello-Kitty.
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Old 04-30-2008, 12:06 PM
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Your addict has a very long road ahead of him when/if he really decides to get clean. He will probably relapse many times, it will be hard. Do you love him enough to put yourself through that? What is making you stay? Leaving is hard, but only for a short time. there is light at the end of the tunnel. It gets better everyday. If your a is not ready to do anything about his addiction now, what if he never is? will you stay forever? you deserve to be happy. Happiness is out there! Do somthing for yourself this week, spoil yourself, talk to people who understand and are supportive. Take care of you!!!!
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