In ... out... up... down.... :)
On a tear
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
In ... out... up... down.... :)
Ah... the chaos continues!
But it isn't like it was "before". This time, when my kid relapsed, she came to us... then a week later, we were still suspicous and a UA proved our suspicions were true-she had used again.
So we set a boundary... one more dirty UA, and we call CPS and talk to them about mama being an active meth addict and let them make some choices about how to rear her children.
I told her I wasn't even sure I would keep the kids in that situation. As another mother told me, I have the option of being an active, involved GRANDMOTHER of children in foster care. I don't have to have them here where she might have easy access and manipulation.
I think she heard us.
So she has been attending some meetings... talking the talk, anyway. And wouldn't you know - on the way to her 2nd meeting - she totaled her car. The (new to us) car we got her 3 weeks ago. A deer popped out in front of her... and she was driving too fast for conditions... actually WAY too fast, probably close to 60 mph in a 35 mph zone... sigh.
The good news - neither she or 4 month old baby were hurt. Bad news - baby was buckled into the car seat, but the car seat was NOT buckled into the car! Good news - the car seat was wedged firmly against the driver seat. Bad news -- it did tip over. Good news.... it scared the absolute bejabbers outta my daughter.
The other bad news is that was the BEST CAR DEAL I have ever made! Got it a state auction for less than $1,000! It was a 1998 Taurus - the luxury model with electric driver seat and all the options, with a very VERY clean and nice interior. In fact, the insurance company is giving us two and half times the price we paid... so it really was a good deal.
And she had it three weeks.
Damn.
Son is still smoking weed- lots of it. Seems to be on the verge of losing his trailer home and his Bronco. Saw him today for a few minutes and reminded him that when he "went back out" (he was sober for almost two years), I told him he might start losing things... and he told me then, that if that started to happen, he would NOT keep doing the same thing.
Today, he was saying he remembered - and he was doing the best he could do at this time. I believe him. And keep him in my prayers... he is such a good kid.
My grandbabies keep me hoppin' - so many new faces every time I get a minute to stop by.
What I can tell the newcomers is this - things can and do get better. When I first got here - I was a mess. There are days that can still be bad, for me. But they are fewer and further apart than before.
The biggest difference for me was joining Alanon, getting a sponsor and working not only the steps, but attending an ongoing Tradition study (which helps me with relationships). For those who have never attended Alananon - it takes a while, but after a half dozen meetings or so... I found I was feeling much better. And back then - I would have done almost ANYTHING to feel better... it was bad.
I wish you all the best... ((hugs))
But it isn't like it was "before". This time, when my kid relapsed, she came to us... then a week later, we were still suspicous and a UA proved our suspicions were true-she had used again.
So we set a boundary... one more dirty UA, and we call CPS and talk to them about mama being an active meth addict and let them make some choices about how to rear her children.
I told her I wasn't even sure I would keep the kids in that situation. As another mother told me, I have the option of being an active, involved GRANDMOTHER of children in foster care. I don't have to have them here where she might have easy access and manipulation.
I think she heard us.
So she has been attending some meetings... talking the talk, anyway. And wouldn't you know - on the way to her 2nd meeting - she totaled her car. The (new to us) car we got her 3 weeks ago. A deer popped out in front of her... and she was driving too fast for conditions... actually WAY too fast, probably close to 60 mph in a 35 mph zone... sigh.
The good news - neither she or 4 month old baby were hurt. Bad news - baby was buckled into the car seat, but the car seat was NOT buckled into the car! Good news - the car seat was wedged firmly against the driver seat. Bad news -- it did tip over. Good news.... it scared the absolute bejabbers outta my daughter.
The other bad news is that was the BEST CAR DEAL I have ever made! Got it a state auction for less than $1,000! It was a 1998 Taurus - the luxury model with electric driver seat and all the options, with a very VERY clean and nice interior. In fact, the insurance company is giving us two and half times the price we paid... so it really was a good deal.
And she had it three weeks.
Damn.
Son is still smoking weed- lots of it. Seems to be on the verge of losing his trailer home and his Bronco. Saw him today for a few minutes and reminded him that when he "went back out" (he was sober for almost two years), I told him he might start losing things... and he told me then, that if that started to happen, he would NOT keep doing the same thing.
Today, he was saying he remembered - and he was doing the best he could do at this time. I believe him. And keep him in my prayers... he is such a good kid.
My grandbabies keep me hoppin' - so many new faces every time I get a minute to stop by.
What I can tell the newcomers is this - things can and do get better. When I first got here - I was a mess. There are days that can still be bad, for me. But they are fewer and further apart than before.
The biggest difference for me was joining Alanon, getting a sponsor and working not only the steps, but attending an ongoing Tradition study (which helps me with relationships). For those who have never attended Alananon - it takes a while, but after a half dozen meetings or so... I found I was feeling much better. And back then - I would have done almost ANYTHING to feel better... it was bad.
I wish you all the best... ((hugs))
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
(((BigSis)))
We have walked together a long time in our journey here, we have been through situations that took us to dark places and fear that no mother should ever have to know. We walked through our fears to a better place called recovery and it is with such huge gratitude that I walk with someone like you.
As you know, my son has been in and out of recovery, and has been missing now for almost 4 years. Like you, my addict is still struggling, and like you, I know he has tasted sobriety and pray that he will seek and find it again.
We are the proof that this program works, that meetings, working the steps and learning a better way of living for ourselves can save us from that hell called addiction. We don't have to live in their darkness, we can pray for them and stand in the light of our own recovery where it is safe.
Your kids and grandkids are all in my prayers every day, as are you and Mr. Big, and you are also in that special place in my heart called gratitude, just for being you and holding your light when I could not find mine.
Survivors, we are, no longer victims of our circumstances but instead a little bit better for having been where we have been and still walking together.
Hugs and Love
We have walked together a long time in our journey here, we have been through situations that took us to dark places and fear that no mother should ever have to know. We walked through our fears to a better place called recovery and it is with such huge gratitude that I walk with someone like you.
As you know, my son has been in and out of recovery, and has been missing now for almost 4 years. Like you, my addict is still struggling, and like you, I know he has tasted sobriety and pray that he will seek and find it again.
We are the proof that this program works, that meetings, working the steps and learning a better way of living for ourselves can save us from that hell called addiction. We don't have to live in their darkness, we can pray for them and stand in the light of our own recovery where it is safe.
Your kids and grandkids are all in my prayers every day, as are you and Mr. Big, and you are also in that special place in my heart called gratitude, just for being you and holding your light when I could not find mine.
Survivors, we are, no longer victims of our circumstances but instead a little bit better for having been where we have been and still walking together.
Hugs and Love
Just plainly tired
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: crossroads
Posts: 2,834
Bigsis,
You are such a strong mother and woman. I hope to be like you one day. I wanted to comment about your grandchildren. I hate that your daughter was in a car accident with the baby and hopefully that could be her wake up call to get her act together. But if the worst case comes and you need to call CPS I say that takes courage and strength from you. I work with foster care and its so sad seeing these kids in care. We work with the teens in foster care and its so sad because they have been in care for years.... and most of the time its because the parents use drugs and choose the drugs over their own kids. They get shuffled from home to home seperated from their siblings if a home isnt willing to take all the siblings. But it does help the kids if they have active family members involved in the case... helps give them the foundation and to know they have someone who loves them. I hate for any child to be in foster care it really just brakes my heart to hear the stories but I understand where you are coming from.
But I want to point out something to you if by chance you decide to take care your grandkids you could do so as a foster parent and get paid to do so... its called kinship fosterparent. Here we call it ACS but for you its CPS they dont like to inform the family members this because they want to save money but if you decide and need to take the kids let them know that you want to be the foster parent for the kids. By doing that you get paid, your daughter will be monitored by CPS, court and your daughter would know that at any time you feel you cant handle the kids they could be place with strangers in the system.
hugs, prayers and strength going your way,
Jewelz
You are such a strong mother and woman. I hope to be like you one day. I wanted to comment about your grandchildren. I hate that your daughter was in a car accident with the baby and hopefully that could be her wake up call to get her act together. But if the worst case comes and you need to call CPS I say that takes courage and strength from you. I work with foster care and its so sad seeing these kids in care. We work with the teens in foster care and its so sad because they have been in care for years.... and most of the time its because the parents use drugs and choose the drugs over their own kids. They get shuffled from home to home seperated from their siblings if a home isnt willing to take all the siblings. But it does help the kids if they have active family members involved in the case... helps give them the foundation and to know they have someone who loves them. I hate for any child to be in foster care it really just brakes my heart to hear the stories but I understand where you are coming from.
But I want to point out something to you if by chance you decide to take care your grandkids you could do so as a foster parent and get paid to do so... its called kinship fosterparent. Here we call it ACS but for you its CPS they dont like to inform the family members this because they want to save money but if you decide and need to take the kids let them know that you want to be the foster parent for the kids. By doing that you get paid, your daughter will be monitored by CPS, court and your daughter would know that at any time you feel you cant handle the kids they could be place with strangers in the system.
hugs, prayers and strength going your way,
Jewelz
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
YOU are my rock...and my point of reference on many occassions.
I want to get where you are in your recovery...and be able to accept what I can not change. I'm afraid I've pedaled backwards a bit.
You and family are always in my prayers...heck I feel like I KNOW them personally.
Big Mom and Grammy ((((hugs))))
I want to get where you are in your recovery...and be able to accept what I can not change. I'm afraid I've pedaled backwards a bit.
You and family are always in my prayers...heck I feel like I KNOW them personally.
Big Mom and Grammy ((((hugs))))
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 328
And the beat goes on ......
Thank you for sharing - I remember that pain so well - and am eternally grateful for my 25 years in Alanon. I've learned that I can be ok - usually even happy, joyous and free - no matter what the addicts in my life are doing.
My one son has been in and out of recovery since 1983 at 15 years old - and who I hadn't seen since 1991, the last time he was clean and sober - called me in August and said he had 10 days. Now has 9 months and I have seen him twice since then (lives 3000 miles away) and got to see his only son, my grandson, for the first time.
My other son will celebrate 25 years of sobriety and turn 40 years old next month. Same set of parents and upbringing including lots of mistakes, same treatment and aftercare, same meetings, same sober friends. Go figure!
Moral of the story: It ain't over until it's over! And all in God's timing and plan.
Keep coming back - and don't leave before the miracle happens!
Love in recovery - Jody
My one son has been in and out of recovery since 1983 at 15 years old - and who I hadn't seen since 1991, the last time he was clean and sober - called me in August and said he had 10 days. Now has 9 months and I have seen him twice since then (lives 3000 miles away) and got to see his only son, my grandson, for the first time.
My other son will celebrate 25 years of sobriety and turn 40 years old next month. Same set of parents and upbringing including lots of mistakes, same treatment and aftercare, same meetings, same sober friends. Go figure!
Moral of the story: It ain't over until it's over! And all in God's timing and plan.
Keep coming back - and don't leave before the miracle happens!
Love in recovery - Jody
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
Ah Sis, look at you, in your big girl panties, setting boundaries, and accepting what is, on YOUR terms, I love it!
Prayers for your daughter, and son, and YOU.
(and all the grandbabies)
Prayers for your daughter, and son, and YOU.
(and all the grandbabies)
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: To the North
Posts: 1,086
(((BigSis)))
Again, I stand in awe of the parents on this board (and grandparents!)! Like many others before me have said, you are a true inspiration and I hope someday to be a Recovery Girl (in big girl pants and everything) just like you (and many others!)
Thank you
Again, I stand in awe of the parents on this board (and grandparents!)! Like many others before me have said, you are a true inspiration and I hope someday to be a Recovery Girl (in big girl pants and everything) just like you (and many others!)
Thank you
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Faith~Hope~Love
Posts: 963
Well dang (((sis))) ... sorry to hear about the car, but happy to know sissy and baby are okay. YOU sound like you're holding onto your serenity during all this and as always, I'm amazed at the way your recovery shines. You have a plan and I hope and pray your daughter has enough experience with the program and added maturity that she will make better decisions this time. And that great big boy of yours has my prayers as well.
big hugs ~
deedee
big hugs ~
deedee
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Sis,
Well, there you go again, showing me how I'm SUPPOSED to work my recovery.
I can tell you have paid attention to the program. In fact, I bet you've even had a "spiritual awakening". 
My prayers will continue to be with your AD, AS, you, Mr. Big and those precious grandkids. I know God has the plan even when I can't see it. And I know that he will not give up on your kids or any of our loved ones. My job is just to get out of the way so He can get to them.
Now just one more question for you. Do you happen to have an extra pair of those big girl panties laying around your house?
Hugs and prayers, Sis. You teach me so much.
Love ya,
Hangin' In
Well, there you go again, showing me how I'm SUPPOSED to work my recovery.
I can tell you have paid attention to the program. In fact, I bet you've even had a "spiritual awakening". My prayers will continue to be with your AD, AS, you, Mr. Big and those precious grandkids. I know God has the plan even when I can't see it. And I know that he will not give up on your kids or any of our loved ones. My job is just to get out of the way so He can get to them.
Now just one more question for you. Do you happen to have an extra pair of those big girl panties laying around your house?
Hugs and prayers, Sis. You teach me so much.
Love ya,
Hangin' In
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 697
Thank you for sharing your story. Gives me hope.
And glad baby and mom is ok. I hope she doesn't see this as life "piling up on her." Sometimes my AH gets the whole "poor me, life hates me" mentality and that always makes me worry.
If anything, I hope it scared her into getting things straight. I read somewhere that when someone looks death in the eye (like your daughter might have done,) it's like a "window" into the beyond--and a second chance at doing right by yourself and others.
Lots of love your way....
Gives me hope.And glad baby and mom is ok. I hope she doesn't see this as life "piling up on her." Sometimes my AH gets the whole "poor me, life hates me" mentality and that always makes me worry.
If anything, I hope it scared her into getting things straight. I read somewhere that when someone looks death in the eye (like your daughter might have done,) it's like a "window" into the beyond--and a second chance at doing right by yourself and others.
Lots of love your way....
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Boise, ID
Posts: 56
Big Sis,
You are amazing- simply amazing! Your recovery and serenity are a wonder to see- and I know they didn't come easily. You earned every moment of serenity you now have!
Prayers for you, your daughter, your son, your husband, and your grandbabies! I hope your daughter "gets" it soon- she has so many reasons to be sober and no good reason to go back out "there"!
Hugs,
You are amazing- simply amazing! Your recovery and serenity are a wonder to see- and I know they didn't come easily. You earned every moment of serenity you now have!
Prayers for you, your daughter, your son, your husband, and your grandbabies! I hope your daughter "gets" it soon- she has so many reasons to be sober and no good reason to go back out "there"!
Hugs,
On a tear
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
You guys rock - absolutely. I was going to say that the reason my panties are so darned big is cause we are all in this together...but that was stretching the analogy too far, I guess (groan... I know, I know). Besides, they were kinda big before I ever got to Alanon...
I am happy. I do love my kids... and I don't feel that strong HATRED I used to feel when they would lie or scheme. Today, they feel the difference, too. When Sis had to say she had relapsed, she was shameful, not brazen. She still used... but I see a difference in that today she WANTS sobriety, and I can pray she wants enough.
An experience today reminded me how far she has come - it is a little thing, but it shows me her growth. Today was take baby to the doctor day (immunizations) and we had already missed an appointment (maybe two?). So it was definitely a GO TODAY situation. Sis got up and got ready, but was in the bathroom SOOO long. I started getting the toddler dressed, but I wanted to leave baby for her (I have to remind myself to NOT jump in and DO everything... these are HER kids, not mine).
But it was almost appointment time, and no one was ready! Finally she called out from the bathroom that she was sick... really bad digestive upset (I can't spell diahrrea) ever since she had her gall bladder removed 2 months ago.
So it was on me - I stopped dressing the toddler, and gathered up Chickie Pea, got him dressed and called doc and told her we were on the way - they said they'd wait 30 minutes. We made it!
But back home again, Sis was still not dressed, on the couch... just lazing. I figured she was sick and didn't bug her about the calls she needed to make, the social services appointments she had to keep, the housework she could always help out with. Then a girlfriend called and she started talking about going with the friend, hanging out and maybe be back tomorrow.
I waited until she stopped then asked her when was she going to take responsibility and stop acting like an 18 year old. Totally caught her by surprize. She responded angily, and I told her if she went, she needed to take both kids - I had plans.
Here is the good part - Twenty minutes later she came to me and said, "I'm sorry mom. You were right, I wasn't being responsible. I won't go anywhere today, and if I do go tomorrow, it will be after I take care of my errands and responsibilities."
I think I will frame those words in my mind... "You were right, mom..." Does my little Alanon heart good, you know.
She considered what she was doing, changed her ACTIONS... and then made amends.
Progress, not perfection. But progress all the same!
I am so glad I have a place like this where I can stop by, see friends and "faces" that are familiar to me. We share some intimate stuff in here - pain, joy, sorrow, fear... we know each other like no one else knows us.
Thank you for being part of SR.... big hugs ((((...))))))
I am happy. I do love my kids... and I don't feel that strong HATRED I used to feel when they would lie or scheme. Today, they feel the difference, too. When Sis had to say she had relapsed, she was shameful, not brazen. She still used... but I see a difference in that today she WANTS sobriety, and I can pray she wants enough.
An experience today reminded me how far she has come - it is a little thing, but it shows me her growth. Today was take baby to the doctor day (immunizations) and we had already missed an appointment (maybe two?). So it was definitely a GO TODAY situation. Sis got up and got ready, but was in the bathroom SOOO long. I started getting the toddler dressed, but I wanted to leave baby for her (I have to remind myself to NOT jump in and DO everything... these are HER kids, not mine).
But it was almost appointment time, and no one was ready! Finally she called out from the bathroom that she was sick... really bad digestive upset (I can't spell diahrrea) ever since she had her gall bladder removed 2 months ago.
So it was on me - I stopped dressing the toddler, and gathered up Chickie Pea, got him dressed and called doc and told her we were on the way - they said they'd wait 30 minutes. We made it!
But back home again, Sis was still not dressed, on the couch... just lazing. I figured she was sick and didn't bug her about the calls she needed to make, the social services appointments she had to keep, the housework she could always help out with. Then a girlfriend called and she started talking about going with the friend, hanging out and maybe be back tomorrow.
I waited until she stopped then asked her when was she going to take responsibility and stop acting like an 18 year old. Totally caught her by surprize. She responded angily, and I told her if she went, she needed to take both kids - I had plans.
Here is the good part - Twenty minutes later she came to me and said, "I'm sorry mom. You were right, I wasn't being responsible. I won't go anywhere today, and if I do go tomorrow, it will be after I take care of my errands and responsibilities."
I think I will frame those words in my mind... "You were right, mom..." Does my little Alanon heart good, you know.
She considered what she was doing, changed her ACTIONS... and then made amends.
Progress, not perfection. But progress all the same!
I am so glad I have a place like this where I can stop by, see friends and "faces" that are familiar to me. We share some intimate stuff in here - pain, joy, sorrow, fear... we know each other like no one else knows us.
Thank you for being part of SR.... big hugs ((((...))))))
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I waited until she stopped then asked her when was she going to take responsibility and stop acting like an 18 year old. Totally caught her by surprize. She responded angily, and I told her if she went, she needed to take both kids - I had plans.
Those children are so very blessed to have a Grammy like you who loves them so much.
You are recovery shining at its best, BigSis.
And now, I'd like some of those Big Girl Panties too!!! Hangin' can't have them all, right?
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Oh Sis, I know what you mean. Just to hear, "I'm sorry mom" is huge, I mean HUGE in my house. Almost as huge as our big girl panties... 
As you well know, Sis, it takes what it takes. This is part of her learning and she "got" a little of what she needed to learn yesterday. It's time like these that I need to do like you ... focus on the positive and not pinch her little head off for the irresponsibilty
, set my boundaries so I don't go ballistic (like you did with "the kids will be yours"), and then go on with my day with the focus on me.
Thanks for the good news. I'm keeping y'all in my prayers as always.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
As you well know, Sis, it takes what it takes. This is part of her learning and she "got" a little of what she needed to learn yesterday. It's time like these that I need to do like you ... focus on the positive and not pinch her little head off for the irresponsibilty
, set my boundaries so I don't go ballistic (like you did with "the kids will be yours"), and then go on with my day with the focus on me.Thanks for the good news. I'm keeping y'all in my prayers as always.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
remember to breathe
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
Originally Posted by BigSis 
Ah... the chaos continues!
In fact, the insurance company is giving us two and half times the price we paid... so it really was a good deal.
))
In fact, the insurance company is giving us two and half times the price we paid... so it really was a good deal.
))
SHHHHHHHHH!!!!! THEY MIGHT HEAR YOU.
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