Another newbie..How do you Not respond?

Old 05-01-2008, 09:19 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Anvilhead makes a good point. I didn't know that I could say no. Sounds silly, but it's the truth. I just did not know how to go about doing it. I had to get into recovery, into my meetings and read on this board for people to teach me how to do it. And like anvil said, it starts with baby steps.
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Old 05-01-2008, 09:49 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Take away the pillows

One of the wisest counselors I ever met when dealing with my alcoholic sons said : Any alcoholic/addict wants to get better when you take away all the pillows.
So I went to Alanon and learned that all of the stuff I was doing in the name of "love" was slowly killing them. My mother instinct had gotten very warped.
My Alanon friends taught me about letting go so they could experience their own successes or failures due to their actions. That my job was not to "save them" or "make their life easier". But to love them - sometimes from a distance!
It took a lot of practice, but I have to tell you that today the way I used to be seems like a different person. No is now in my vocabulary. As is - I'd be glad to. What a difference 25 years in Alanon has made!
So hang in - even if "things" don't get better, you will.

Love in recovery,
Jody
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Old 05-01-2008, 10:52 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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I did some research and there is a NarAnon meeting in my area next week and I am going to set my mind on going and pray real hard that I take that step. I need to stop feeling guilty for all of HIS actions or misfortunes. I need to learn HOW to say NO .... I need the guilt to stop .. It is seriously making me very mentally sick ...

Thank you all soooooooooo much .. Keep pushing me and all others than need it ... :ghug
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Old 05-01-2008, 11:02 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by anvilhead View Post

today, i'm not nice, not even a little, i cut em right off and say don't EVER call me again, take me off your list, CLICK. and i don't feel even the teensiest bit bad about it!!!!
I talk with them. My wife asks why I even bother. I figure if they are on the phone with me and I will say no at the end... they are not on the phone with someone else *LOL*
Yes I have codie moments still *LOL* Just doing my part to save the world.
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Old 05-01-2008, 12:03 PM
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Id start with the car and just say no and dont give him the keys. A few minutes of him being upset pass, but you still have your car. For a long time this was the hardest part for me, but it gets easier. My Ah doesnt even ask, or joke about driving my car anymore
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Old 05-01-2008, 12:07 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Anvil and Best...can I digest here or digress or whatever....

I have THE GREATEST cartoon that I cut out of our Sunday funny paper years ago where this woman got the telemarketer's call. Once he said, "How are you today", well, she took it and ran with it. Told them of her "sick headache" but that since the doctor gave her the new nerve medicine she was doing better. Then she asked them if they wanted to speak to Boo Boo, her cat. And then she held the phone down to Boo Boo and said, "Say hey to Boo Boo". And it went on and on and on until the last frame of the comic only showed the word...."CLICK".

The telemarketer had enough and hung up. Now THAT is how you handle a telemarketer....
(I'm not sure what step that falls under, but surely it falls under one of them.)
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Old 05-01-2008, 12:08 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by NEVEREnds View Post
I am going to set my mind on going and pray real hard that I take that step.
If you feel doubt, keep asking yourself do I want to feel better?
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