need advice, words, etc.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Poughkeepsie, NY
Posts: 74
need advice, words, etc.
My addict boyfriend and I split up 2 weeks ago in order for him to focus on getting clean. He is now out on his second binge since that day. This one has lasted 4 days so far....he hasn't come back yet. I am so scared for him. I want to write him a letter and share with him how much I love him, how scared I am for him, and how I am here to support him in his recovery. Does anyone have any ideas on how to phrase this letter? I don't want to push him or come off as if I am yelling at him. Any advice would be great.....I am grasping for straws. Whether or not we make it as a couple, I want him to make it through this and want to help in any way I can.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Riverton, Utah
Posts: 48
I think you say it just like that. You aren't judging but offering support. He may need to 'fall' hard before he really appreciates it so be prepared.
You sound like a very caring person just remember he has to do this himself, bottom line. You can't fix it or control it.
W
You sound like a very caring person just remember he has to do this himself, bottom line. You can't fix it or control it.
W
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I agree, just say it like you did here. If he is active in his addiction, he may not respond, or he may respond that if you want to help him, then maybe you could lend him some money because...his dealer will hurt him if he doesn't pay...he needs money to go look at rehabs...he may have a job and needs to buy tools...he owes a guy named Guido....well, you get the gist and sound smart enough to spot that kind of manipulation.
Maybe try some meetings for yourself too, Alanon, Naranon or CoDA are very similar and may help you keep your balance through all this.
I really hope he finds a better path soon. You sound like a nice person who deserves so much better than all this.
Hugs
Maybe try some meetings for yourself too, Alanon, Naranon or CoDA are very similar and may help you keep your balance through all this.
I really hope he finds a better path soon. You sound like a nice person who deserves so much better than all this.
Hugs
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
I have to agree with what has been very well said by those who replied before me. If he would get this letter you plan on writing while on a binge, it will more than likely just go in the trash.
He may get angry, try to manipulate you for money, just like Ann said, who knows. An addict/alcoholic, while out on a binge, is a very unpredictable person.
I do feel that he is going to need to hit his bottom, which is sounds like he hasn't done yet. I do feel for you, you seem like such a wonderful, caring person who only has his best interests at heart.
God Bless,
Judy
He may get angry, try to manipulate you for money, just like Ann said, who knows. An addict/alcoholic, while out on a binge, is a very unpredictable person.
I do feel that he is going to need to hit his bottom, which is sounds like he hasn't done yet. I do feel for you, you seem like such a wonderful, caring person who only has his best interests at heart.
God Bless,
Judy
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