Ann

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Anger at Family Members

Many of us have anger toward certain members of our family. Some of us have much anger and rage - anger that seems to go on year after year.

For many of us, anger was the only way to break an unhealthy bondage or connection between a family member and ourselves. It was the force that kept us from being held captive - mentally, emotionally, and sometimes spiritually - by certain family members.

It is important to allow ourselves to feel - to accept - our anger toward family members without casting guilt or shame on ourselves. It is also important to examine our guilty feelings concerning family members as anger and guilt are often intertwined.

We can accept, even thank, our anger for protecting us. But we can also set another goal: taking our freedom.

Once we do, we will not need our anger. Once we do, we can achieve forgiveness.

Think loving thoughts; think healing thoughts toward family members. But let ourselves be as angry as we need to be.

At some point, strive to be done with the anger. But we need to be gentle with ourselves if the feelings surface from time to time.

Thank God for the feelings. Feel them. Release them. Ask God to bless and care for our families. Ask God to help us take freedom and take care of ourselves.

Let the golden light of healing shine upon all we love and upon all with whom we feel anger. Let the golden light of healing shine on us.

Trust that a healing is taking place, now.

Help me accept the potent emotions I may feel toward family members. Help me be grateful for the lesson they are teaching me. I accept the golden light of healing that is now shining on my family and me. I thank God that healing does not always come in a neat, tidy package.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

Ann

It wasn't until recovery, until I began working the steps and taking a good look within, that I realized how very angry I was. I was angry at my son, at addiction, at those who didn't understand, at those who did and tried to tell me to let go...I was just angry through and through.

It was that anger that finally helped me let go, it was that anger that took me to my "enough" point where I surrendered and gave it all to God....and that was when the healing could begin, and it did.

Today that anger is replaced by compassion, for all who are sick and still suffering. And it is compassion that lets me give my son to God each morning, asking Him to do what I cannot, and then living my days well trusting that He will.

Even anger can be a healthy emotion as long as we don't hang out there long and let it eat us alive.

Hugs

exdopeyswife

Hi Ann

Thanks so much. I was very angry at exAH yesterday. I am ashamed at my behavior. I called him all day long to let him know the anger I have been feeling about his addiction and the pain it has caused. I called him a lot of shameful names and I've been beating myself up all night for it. When I talked to my sis about it she seems to think I need to go to counceling. Today is the day that I am going to get my divorce, I feel all that anger was a way of letting go for me. I am feeling releived that I no longer have to live with addiction in my life, and that I have made a choice to find peace for myself and my boys. I guess I just needed to get across to the exAH the pain that this has caused. I do wish that one day he may find peace in recovery, I do still love him.

caileesnana

For me anger is easier than the hurt. But as said above, until we work through and release the anger, forgiveness and healing dont happen.

thanks!
susan

bluebelle

I've read several places that it is very important to feel your feelings, and not try to cover them. I've noticed that it helps if I write down everything in my head and try not to suppress anything. It can get to the route of what is stressing me. The feeling I'm trying to suppress is usually anger or fear.