Been Gone Awhile

Old 04-27-2008, 05:54 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: PA, USA
Posts: 1,292
Been Gone Awhile

I haven't posted in quite awhile. Have cked in from time to time & read some but really have been at a loss for words.
My AS has been incarcerated since Oct 3rd. Yesterday I went to see him for the 1st time since he has been in. I wound up walking out on him. I just can't stand his attitude & his inability to see the reason why he is in jail is not stealing, its the drug use cuz that is the reason he steals. He was telling me he is never going to steal again. I asked him if he was going to use & he said he is still on the fence about that. It boggles my mind to hear him say that. He has lost so much cuz of coke, his wife, 2 sons, drivers license, all of his possessions, yet he still does not see that this is the problem.
The last few yrs his use has really taken him downhill. It has affected his appearance & his thinking and he still doesn't get it.
I prayed all the way home on what I could do to reach him, but the answer is nothing but pray.
rozied is offline  
Old 04-27-2008, 06:02 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
marle's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Diane, There are no words that can reach him. His willingness to recover is something that happens inside of him. I have many times tried to think of something to say that would make my daughter take notice of the fact that she is destroying herself and losing the things that make life worthwhile, but she thinks that life is not worthwhile if she can't use. So we are definitely coming from opposite ends of the spectrum. So I do what you are doing, I pray. Then I put her out of my mind and go on with my day. Dwelling on the past does absolutely no good for anyone. Hugs, Marle
marle is offline  
Old 04-27-2008, 06:04 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Community Greeter
Impurrfect's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179

As a recovering addict, I can tell you that there is nothing you say that will make him want to get clean....that's something only he can do. As a recovering codie, though, I'm learning to let the A's in my life find their own bottom without dragging me down, too.

I'm sorry he doesn't see that the real problem is drugs, but I hope he does soon.

Hugs and prayers!

Impurrfect is offline  
Old 04-27-2008, 06:06 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: PA, USA
Posts: 1,292
Thanks Marle, hugs to you too!
I know there is nothing I can do. It is just so sad to see someone you love destroying themselves.
rozied is offline  
Old 04-27-2008, 08:11 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Get Caught Reading
bookmiser's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410

I've missed you, lady.

I'm glad you stopped in for an update.
I remember going to visit my son when he was in jail
and getting furious when his response to my questions
wasn't what I wanted to hear.
It's that control thing we codies have to deal with daily.
You know as well as anyone, that we cannot control our
adult sons' choices and decisions.
What have you been doing for you through all this?
I hope you take time out and do nice things just for you.
We love ya, Diane. Maybe more time here at sr and
getting to meetings for face to face will give you the
tools on learning how to focus on yourself.
Loving hugs from one mama to another,
bookmiser is offline  
Old 04-27-2008, 09:03 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
greeteachday's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Hey Diane...I am so sorry that you are still struggling so and that your son is too. Missed you around here...Hope you keep checking in!

I sometimes find it tough to stay focused on not letting my child's "stuff" be the measurement of my own happiness. I know that is why I have to keep my recovery journey front and center...I can just feel myself slipping when I miss a meeting or 2 or I am occuppied with things that keep me away from here.

Maybe I am just an optimist, but I actually saw hope in your post. You asked him a question and he answered honestly! Maybe he is shedding a bit of the addict manipulation game. I know it wasn't what you wanted to hear, but it was truthful. If he is not in denial, maybe he is getting closer to being both ready and willing. Hugs
greeteachday is offline  
Old 04-27-2008, 10:40 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Nature Girl
Ann's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,070
I prayed all the way home on what I could do to reach him, but the answer is nothing but pray.
Diane, sweetie, read that again and never underestimate the power of prayer.

Prayer is asking God to do for our sons what we cannot do for them and for what they cannot do for themselves and then we can live in faith, even blind faith, that He will. Blind faith has seen me through many dark days.

Big hugs to you, I've missed you, and please don't ever hesitate to come here and share your load. Good days and bad, we walk with each other here, and I'm glad to have you walking with us again.

Ann is offline  
Old 04-27-2008, 12:56 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: PA, USA
Posts: 1,292
Thank you all, each & everyone. I've been around alot only not posting. I think I ck in at least 3x a wk. He was incarcerated Oct 3rd & this was the 1st time I've visited.
I have been focusing on my own life & keeping very busy.
I never underestimate the power of prayer. I've had a true miracle in my own life. After 20 yrs of being in unbearable physical pain I had a Spinal Revision 3 yrs ago this coming June. It has given me bk my life. Before the surgery, I was literally bent in half & could not walk without the aide of a Rolling Walker.
Again thank you all for caring & for the warm welcome back,
rozied is offline  
Old 04-27-2008, 03:06 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
rose's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Hope Land
Posts: 666

I know exactly what you are saying...I have been there in the jail for visits myself with my exah...onetime I started to yell at him (just lost it) and left. I never went back there again. I was so frustrated with him, could have just grabbed him and gave him a shake.

This has been going on for 5 years now...I had not seen or heard from him on over a year and a month or so back I contacted him....still has the same attituted.

We have alot in common with our addicts...lost his kids, wife, home, job in jail and still it is not enough to make them see the light.

rose is offline  
Old 04-27-2008, 03:18 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: tn
Posts: 663
Just sending some hugs from another mom. Glad you checked in. I pray your son will realize why he steals; sometimes it's so obvious to all except the one who needs to see it most. Give him time, but either way you are right in the fact that we can't do it for him.
I am glad you are getting on with your life. I know it still hurts when our children are still "lost".
havehope is offline  
Old 04-27-2008, 03:27 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
ctrom40's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 388
Thanks for checking in

When I find myself praying as my last resort, I know that I am at a good place.
When I give it up to my HP, who is so much better as these sort of things than I - that is a good thing.

Sending more Mom hugs to you.


ctrom40 is offline  
Old 04-27-2008, 03:49 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: GO PENS
Posts: 1,151
Hi Diane,

It's good to see you checking in. I wish the circumstances were better. Reading between your lines I see you being positive about your own life and that is uplifting.

Keep checking in and let us know how you are doing. It's always so nice to hear from some of the ones that were here when I started. I'm glad you are well. Someday your son will get it, hopefully sooner, than later. For now it is what it is, keep the focus on yourself.

Lobo is offline  
Old 04-27-2008, 03:55 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: MI
Posts: 132
at least he told you the truth. he's on the fence... i know thats hard to hear but at least you have that. most of us sitting around under lies and empty promises and then end up full of heartache and disappointment.
Selah is offline  
Old 04-27-2008, 04:24 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: PA, USA
Posts: 1,292
Thanks Selah, Yes I too am glad he told the truth. I think he is still lying to himself though. He told me he is never going to steal again. I know if he uses he will steal again also. He has lost control over his using, once he starts he doesn't stop & then he reverts to stealing. Again I know it is not my problem, but it is just mind boggling that he cannot see it
rozied is offline  
Old 04-27-2008, 08:21 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
hope213's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
glad to see you. your son will not quit using until he is ready. i understand how u feel & i am glad u walked out on him. with that attitude he will use. he is not ready to stop. i don't know if my son will ever get clean. prayers for u & him both.
hope213 is offline  
Old 04-28-2008, 11:10 AM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: dallas texas
Posts: 1,629
glad to see you back, missed you!

No words, I can't begin to understand, however, maybe the honesty??

continued prayers for you and yours as we all struggle through this life together,
caileesnana is offline  
Old 04-28-2008, 02:14 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
remember to breathe
rahsue's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
that really stinks when they just don't get it, I mean some get it and just can't seem to find their way. I hope his time in jail will prove to be a positive reflection and perhaps help him to GET IT. As for you, I pray for your peace of mind.
rahsue is offline  
Old 04-28-2008, 02:25 PM
  # 18 (permalink)  
get it, give it, grow in it
Spiritual Seeker's Avatar
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
It takes what it takes for someone to want recovery.
For our grown kids it will be others now to teach them-employers, legal system, relationships, peers, etc. Our time as teacher has passed.
Sometimes all we can do is stay connected, even when we can't accept their choices.
As the conseq. pile up, he will eventually get it. Be patient and as you say, keep faith.
Spiritual Seeker is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:51 AM.