Just when I was starting to trust him again..
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: minneapolis minnesota
Posts: 5
my husband was using-my pain meds
I have posted before with no response so I'll post again. I am a newer lurker and saw Jerecet's message and it sounds like me. See, I'm a very ill person and have had some very major surgeries since last August. I won't get into that all here but my husband got addicted to my meds and stole them. He even drank my liquid meds, that he was putting in my g/j tube, and watered them down so I wouldn't know....and I was in PAIN.
I finally had it almost 4 weeks ago and kicked him out in a fit of anger, when I realized he was picking my lock on my lock box and stealing Vicodin. I am so tired of having to ration my meds, to share with him while he steals and lies. I know the lying part all too well!! I'm also familiar with him telling me, "I don't like how you talk to me", when I have a fit of anger. I am codependent and boy can I get mad. I married a pot head, he turned into a drinker and I became his pharmacy for drug addiction. He's going to 4 meetings per week and I just got an email from him, telling me that "things change at home or I won't come home because you have created a bad environment for me".
I had to tap into my Alanon knowledge on this and try not to lose my lunch. I mean, talk about despair when you realize that the tables were just turned on you and the person in recovery, in essence is telling you as "matter of fact (his words)" as possible, that it's not a debate and he's been talked to and spoken to cruely. "I can't live in the atmosphere that was there".....I'm spinning as I am thinking to myself, what atmosphere? Who was in a bad atmosphere?
I have done my share of losing it and I don't want to defend myself but I married a very immature, irresponsible person. We dated in highschool and were high school sweethearts/soul mates (yea, watch out when you think sould mate) and I love him deeply, I really do. I really love this guy but I don't know if I really know him. He did pot, drinking, drugs and I don't think I've seen him sober, ever. He's 27 days sober and he thinks that coming back home (and I've not even suggested that to him at this point), will hinder his sobriety. And he may be very right about that but he's turning his back on me, in sick health right now, and our 3 year old. Never calls and is out at meetings every night but the one tonight is a Sober cafe/hang out, former Club. He hung out at this club in his late teens and he was totally stoned when he hung out there but it's been converted to a sober cafe. I'm just wondering if he is not "connecting" with now the memories of a place where he was high, even though I don't think he's high now.
I do believe he is clean (I think), because he's a very motivated, goal oriented person and his pride is on the line. I don't know if he can/will remain clean but I guess my point to Jerect is this....just know that if your man does get clean, he'll probably use what you are doing against you. It's for your own benefit, to just stop searching and trying to catch him. It took me a long, long time to stop and when I did, it was the most freeing thing. I first stopped the "craziness" (searching, fighting, confronting, etc) and then got a grip and was able to move into getting him out of here.
Now, I am truly at a place where my heart hurts because he is acting like he doesn't care. He is blaming me and I don't know if I'm dealing with the addict, a clean addict, a pink cloud thing or simply a person who is immature and very prideful. Maybe he never loved me and just what I could provide for him....the need to have a codependent? Maybe since I'm now sick, broke and used up, he's gone? I don't know but I do know that Alanon and it's 12 steps are really helping me but it doesn't take away the hurt.
Just my opinion on things, based on my life and I'll be the first to tell you, that I haven't heart 2 situations yet that are the same. Mine is pretty unique, in that he was truly hurting me and my issues with major health problems. I don't know how you let go of that hurt but he continues to pile more on top of me as he pulls away in all respects.
Wendy
I finally had it almost 4 weeks ago and kicked him out in a fit of anger, when I realized he was picking my lock on my lock box and stealing Vicodin. I am so tired of having to ration my meds, to share with him while he steals and lies. I know the lying part all too well!! I'm also familiar with him telling me, "I don't like how you talk to me", when I have a fit of anger. I am codependent and boy can I get mad. I married a pot head, he turned into a drinker and I became his pharmacy for drug addiction. He's going to 4 meetings per week and I just got an email from him, telling me that "things change at home or I won't come home because you have created a bad environment for me".
I had to tap into my Alanon knowledge on this and try not to lose my lunch. I mean, talk about despair when you realize that the tables were just turned on you and the person in recovery, in essence is telling you as "matter of fact (his words)" as possible, that it's not a debate and he's been talked to and spoken to cruely. "I can't live in the atmosphere that was there".....I'm spinning as I am thinking to myself, what atmosphere? Who was in a bad atmosphere?
I have done my share of losing it and I don't want to defend myself but I married a very immature, irresponsible person. We dated in highschool and were high school sweethearts/soul mates (yea, watch out when you think sould mate) and I love him deeply, I really do. I really love this guy but I don't know if I really know him. He did pot, drinking, drugs and I don't think I've seen him sober, ever. He's 27 days sober and he thinks that coming back home (and I've not even suggested that to him at this point), will hinder his sobriety. And he may be very right about that but he's turning his back on me, in sick health right now, and our 3 year old. Never calls and is out at meetings every night but the one tonight is a Sober cafe/hang out, former Club. He hung out at this club in his late teens and he was totally stoned when he hung out there but it's been converted to a sober cafe. I'm just wondering if he is not "connecting" with now the memories of a place where he was high, even though I don't think he's high now.
I do believe he is clean (I think), because he's a very motivated, goal oriented person and his pride is on the line. I don't know if he can/will remain clean but I guess my point to Jerect is this....just know that if your man does get clean, he'll probably use what you are doing against you. It's for your own benefit, to just stop searching and trying to catch him. It took me a long, long time to stop and when I did, it was the most freeing thing. I first stopped the "craziness" (searching, fighting, confronting, etc) and then got a grip and was able to move into getting him out of here.
Now, I am truly at a place where my heart hurts because he is acting like he doesn't care. He is blaming me and I don't know if I'm dealing with the addict, a clean addict, a pink cloud thing or simply a person who is immature and very prideful. Maybe he never loved me and just what I could provide for him....the need to have a codependent? Maybe since I'm now sick, broke and used up, he's gone? I don't know but I do know that Alanon and it's 12 steps are really helping me but it doesn't take away the hurt.
Just my opinion on things, based on my life and I'll be the first to tell you, that I haven't heart 2 situations yet that are the same. Mine is pretty unique, in that he was truly hurting me and my issues with major health problems. I don't know how you let go of that hurt but he continues to pile more on top of me as he pulls away in all respects.
Wendy
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 697
(hugs Wendy) I didn't see your post, but I haven't gotten to them all yet. I'll drop by your thread!
And Jerect, it sounds like she's lying for him. The only advice I can offer is to leave gracefully if that becomes your choice. Don't make a big deal about it, just go with grace. If she is covering for him then she knows exactly what she is doing and their "relationship" (I use the term loosely) is built on that deception and on your pain. There is nothing good that comes from that.
The thing is, you don't trust him and he's not giving you any reason to. From what little I know of this situation (i.e. what you have told us all,) it seems like he has to earn that trust and he's chosen not to.
What are your plans at this point if I may ask? What do you need from us here? Just let us know. We're here.
:ghug2
And Jerect, it sounds like she's lying for him. The only advice I can offer is to leave gracefully if that becomes your choice. Don't make a big deal about it, just go with grace. If she is covering for him then she knows exactly what she is doing and their "relationship" (I use the term loosely) is built on that deception and on your pain. There is nothing good that comes from that.
The thing is, you don't trust him and he's not giving you any reason to. From what little I know of this situation (i.e. what you have told us all,) it seems like he has to earn that trust and he's chosen not to.
What are your plans at this point if I may ask? What do you need from us here? Just let us know. We're here.
:ghug2
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: minneapolis minnesota
Posts: 5
Journaling is indeed quite helpful. I think I'm on page 20 in a word document and only started a little over a week ago. I'll even copy things he says on there and do my picking it apart but never show it to him.
His mother called last night and said that he wants to get together with me and wondered why I haven't called. (???) The email was very clear what he wanted and it was based on blame and control. He's never been the control type so it's possible that things he's realizing about himself, he wants changed and is telling me how the future will be.
My response to her was pretty simple, "I can guarantee him the environment he wants, as much as he can guarantee me that he'll not steal my meds or take any meds ever again. It's all going to be based on how we each get through, understand and grasp our own recovery's". It's true because for 1, I have no idea how his not doing substances and stealing will affect my responses to him and 2, I have already seen major changes in my attitudes towards life in general, so progress is being made in me personally.
I have been journaling my feelings each day and this is hopefully going to be able to help me remeber things, if we ever can talk this over.
Wendy
His mother called last night and said that he wants to get together with me and wondered why I haven't called. (???) The email was very clear what he wanted and it was based on blame and control. He's never been the control type so it's possible that things he's realizing about himself, he wants changed and is telling me how the future will be.
My response to her was pretty simple, "I can guarantee him the environment he wants, as much as he can guarantee me that he'll not steal my meds or take any meds ever again. It's all going to be based on how we each get through, understand and grasp our own recovery's". It's true because for 1, I have no idea how his not doing substances and stealing will affect my responses to him and 2, I have already seen major changes in my attitudes towards life in general, so progress is being made in me personally.
I have been journaling my feelings each day and this is hopefully going to be able to help me remeber things, if we ever can talk this over.
Wendy
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