Procrastination and thankfulness
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,287
Procrastination and thankfulness
So its been about a month since I "reached out" and joined this site looking for answers and help. I had set some goals for myself. One being reaching out to friends and family I have slacked off on since shutting myself up in the house in my own misery. The other was going to a meeting of some sort. SO, because of my procrastination and/or depression (not really sure which) I hadn't done either one. (I have done other things though 
)
I'm thankful for:
There is no Nar-Anon in my area, so I was getting used to the idea of Al-Anon. The only number was for a meeting 30 minutes away, which kinda bummed me out with gas prices nowadays. I even had the phone book sitting out for days--ready for whenever I was. SO finally, this morning I called the number. It was a recording with other numbers to call. Now I'm thinking, great, I finally made the call and now I have to make another one. So I did and left a message. The longer I waited, the more I started to worry....the what ifs.....what if its the wrong place for me, etc, etc, etc
Then I signed on here and read that keepitreal was going to her first meeting and was nervous too. A while later, a woman called me back and told me about a meeting tomorrow night in the next town. So I'm thinking....I can do this.
I'm thankful for:
My cousin, who is a good friend, was my maid of honor, and was my birthing coach, had called about two months ago. I hadn't returned her call because I was afraid I would get emotional. I haven't told anyone in my family except my mom what is going on with my AH. My cousin seems to always have so much going for her, and I didn't really think she would be able to relate. So today I felt "well" enough to call her without getting emotional. Well, I was wrong, not one minute into the conversation I am crying and telling her about what's been going on. We had a very long talk, and it turns out she is dealing with addiction too (someone in her family). We talked about detachment, recovery programs, rehabs, and losing trust. We talked about my options if I do decide to leave. I feel so much better now that I got it off my chest. We are going to keep things between us for now, but it was so good to talk about it all.
So, I'm wondering........is someone trying to tell me something
Sorry its long, I felt a need......
)I'm thankful for:
There is no Nar-Anon in my area, so I was getting used to the idea of Al-Anon. The only number was for a meeting 30 minutes away, which kinda bummed me out with gas prices nowadays. I even had the phone book sitting out for days--ready for whenever I was. SO finally, this morning I called the number. It was a recording with other numbers to call. Now I'm thinking, great, I finally made the call and now I have to make another one. So I did and left a message. The longer I waited, the more I started to worry....the what ifs.....what if its the wrong place for me, etc, etc, etc
Then I signed on here and read that keepitreal was going to her first meeting and was nervous too. A while later, a woman called me back and told me about a meeting tomorrow night in the next town. So I'm thinking....I can do this.
I'm thankful for:
My cousin, who is a good friend, was my maid of honor, and was my birthing coach, had called about two months ago. I hadn't returned her call because I was afraid I would get emotional. I haven't told anyone in my family except my mom what is going on with my AH. My cousin seems to always have so much going for her, and I didn't really think she would be able to relate. So today I felt "well" enough to call her without getting emotional. Well, I was wrong, not one minute into the conversation I am crying and telling her about what's been going on. We had a very long talk, and it turns out she is dealing with addiction too (someone in her family). We talked about detachment, recovery programs, rehabs, and losing trust. We talked about my options if I do decide to leave. I feel so much better now that I got it off my chest. We are going to keep things between us for now, but it was so good to talk about it all.
So, I'm wondering........is someone trying to tell me something
Sorry its long, I felt a need......
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: To the North
Posts: 1,086
(((itsatruth)))
I'm so happy for you! To start talking and opening up, for me it was incredibly liberating! You have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about, but it will be your decision when, who and how much you do talk about.
I'm so glad you talked to your cousin. You are finding the "secret". There are so many of us out there, and when we reach out, the response of support is amazing and sometimes surprising. The surprising part for me wasn't so much the support, but having "cut off" for so long I did feel surprised, but the surprise that others were experiencing similar situations, or had, and had so much to comfort and wisdom to offer and share.
Keep us posted about the meeting and what you think about it.
You're doing great!
I'm so happy for you! To start talking and opening up, for me it was incredibly liberating! You have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about, but it will be your decision when, who and how much you do talk about.
I'm so glad you talked to your cousin. You are finding the "secret". There are so many of us out there, and when we reach out, the response of support is amazing and sometimes surprising. The surprising part for me wasn't so much the support, but having "cut off" for so long I did feel surprised, but the surprise that others were experiencing similar situations, or had, and had so much to comfort and wisdom to offer and share.
Keep us posted about the meeting and what you think about it.
You're doing great!
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
So, I'm wondering........is someone trying to tell me something
It's one of the beauties of recovery that the more we work on ourselves and trust in our HP, the more he gives us these wonderful "coincidences" in life.Glad you are hitting a meeting! I don't know anyone who wasn't nervous the first time, but it is always fine! Let us know what you think.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 36
I didn't want to tell a soul about my mom for ages. I felt it was betraying her. My husband said we needed support. So in the end i told my church home group. I felt terribly guilty doing so and kept imagining my mom's rage if she found out.
Anyway it turned out the leader had experience of alcohol problems in her family. Next I told one of my best friends. Her grandmother was a lifelong alcoholic and her mom had some substantial ACOA issues, so she knew all about it. Next I told anotehr friend and she told me HER mom was addicted to sleeping pills.
I couldn't quite believe it!
Anyway it turned out the leader had experience of alcohol problems in her family. Next I told one of my best friends. Her grandmother was a lifelong alcoholic and her mom had some substantial ACOA issues, so she knew all about it. Next I told anotehr friend and she told me HER mom was addicted to sleeping pills.
I couldn't quite believe it!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,322
I think this is so awesome, Itisatruth! First, that you found incredible strength within yourself to reach out, then, that you found a connection in the meeting and in your cousin (so good to have someone you love to share with), and finally that you are allowing yourself to "see" your HP in action in YOUR life. I am very inspired by this post this morning. Thanks!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,287
Just got home from the meeting. Its been a non-stop day for me so I'm pretty tired, but I'm glad I went. I found that although I got teary eyed, my nervousness/emotions showed themselves through clenching my teeth and shaking my foot almost uncontrollably. The theme (if that's what you call it) was "listen and learn" ....so I did. And I learned that SO many people share many of the same feelings I have. It felt good to be welcomed so nicely with hugs and smiles. I don't think I would have gone had it not been for all the wisdom, experience, strength, and hope I find here on this site.
Thank you all for being here:ghug
Thank you all for being here:ghug
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I've heard it said that coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous. 
The longer I am in recovery the more often I recognize how often things happen at just the right moment or I hear someone saying exactly what I need to hear...nope, not coincidence.
I'm glad this all worked out for you. Keep doing the do things and your life will get better every day.
Hugs
The longer I am in recovery the more often I recognize how often things happen at just the right moment or I hear someone saying exactly what I need to hear...nope, not coincidence.
I'm glad this all worked out for you. Keep doing the do things and your life will get better every day.
Hugs
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
The theme (if that's what you call it) was "listen and learn" ....so I did.
Another one of those "coincidences", eh? They say we always get just what we need at a meeting...Whether it is a reading, a few words someone shares or a slogan that we remember when we need it. I've found this to be so true.
Don't worry the tears and nervousness disappear so quickly and soon you will be laughing...yes, truly laughing. Hugs...have a good rest!
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
That which you wrote about was what I call a "HP thing" (or I say "God thing"). I just love it when He does stuff like that.
Please don't be afraid to go to Al Anon. I'm one of those folks who is sitting in the room when a newcomer walks in. And when that newcomer walks in, I am so happy for them because I KNOW what kind of shape I was in when I walked into my first meeting. I was a pitiful, hopeless, negative, worrisome, and an angry wreck. And I needed the guidance of those who were working the program and living their lives and actually....do I dare say it....????....HAPPY. Yes, it can happen.
And then the deal with your cousin. How wonderful that y'all have each other to talk to. I just know until I opened up and began to share with those in Al Anon and on this board, I felt as if I were the only person in the world dealing with this problem. But I soon learned there are thousands, hundreds of thousands of folks, some of whom I see everyday, who are dealing with the same mess I'm dealing with and they, too, are dying inside. They just don't share it, thus they can't begin to heal.
We often say at our meetings that our football stadium could be filled with people who need our 12 step recovery program. So walk, don't run, to that meeting.... :-). And please keep posting around here. There is some great experience, strength and hope here, all for the taking.
Hugs and prayers,
Hangin' In
Please don't be afraid to go to Al Anon. I'm one of those folks who is sitting in the room when a newcomer walks in. And when that newcomer walks in, I am so happy for them because I KNOW what kind of shape I was in when I walked into my first meeting. I was a pitiful, hopeless, negative, worrisome, and an angry wreck. And I needed the guidance of those who were working the program and living their lives and actually....do I dare say it....????....HAPPY. Yes, it can happen.
And then the deal with your cousin. How wonderful that y'all have each other to talk to. I just know until I opened up and began to share with those in Al Anon and on this board, I felt as if I were the only person in the world dealing with this problem. But I soon learned there are thousands, hundreds of thousands of folks, some of whom I see everyday, who are dealing with the same mess I'm dealing with and they, too, are dying inside. They just don't share it, thus they can't begin to heal.
We often say at our meetings that our football stadium could be filled with people who need our 12 step recovery program. So walk, don't run, to that meeting.... :-). And please keep posting around here. There is some great experience, strength and hope here, all for the taking.
Hugs and prayers,
Hangin' In
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,287
Thank you all for words of encouragement. I got a meeting schedule and will be going to a Newcomers meeting on Sunday. I felt good being there, and many came up to me and told me how they are so much better than they were when they first started going to meetings.
I did want to add one more thing: my AH has been whining about me going since I told him I was going. It was "are you going to leave me" or "are you going to find someone else who isn't an addict?" routine. I told him if he didn't stay clean that, yes, I would eventually leave. Then right before I left, he kept saying how he wished we could just spend some time together.....he misses me.....we don't spend enough time together, etc.
(like all those times he was using, he so didn't care about spending time with me)
But here's the gem:
Having started work at 7:30 and getting home at 5:30ish, I only had time to make a quick dinner, eat, and leave to the meeting. Got home from the meeting close to 10. I was very tired by the time I went to bed. Of course, he didn't feel good and wanted his back rubbed. I rubbed it for a couple minutes then realized I am the one who has to get up at 5:30 am, I needed to sleep. SO I stopped.
He starts to toss and turn, mumble things.......and I hear him say "Don't ENABLE me rica, dont ENABLE me" So I say OK, goodnight:rof
oops, did I say that...
I did want to add one more thing: my AH has been whining about me going since I told him I was going. It was "are you going to leave me" or "are you going to find someone else who isn't an addict?" routine. I told him if he didn't stay clean that, yes, I would eventually leave. Then right before I left, he kept saying how he wished we could just spend some time together.....he misses me.....we don't spend enough time together, etc.
(like all those times he was using, he so didn't care about spending time with me)
But here's the gem:
Having started work at 7:30 and getting home at 5:30ish, I only had time to make a quick dinner, eat, and leave to the meeting. Got home from the meeting close to 10. I was very tired by the time I went to bed. Of course, he didn't feel good and wanted his back rubbed. I rubbed it for a couple minutes then realized I am the one who has to get up at 5:30 am, I needed to sleep. SO I stopped.
He starts to toss and turn, mumble things.......and I hear him say "Don't ENABLE me rica, dont ENABLE me" So I say OK, goodnight:rof
oops, did I say that...
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