new member is frustrated...
A work in progress....
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: FREE!!!! Somewhere in the Tennessee Mountains
Posts: 1,018
Glad you're here and glad you found a meeting. I was married to an addict for what would've been 26 years this very day. My divorce was final on March 10. I have been where you are in feeling hopeless and helpless.
But you aren't. You will be surprised at the strength that you will find within yourself when you learn to stop focusing all your energy on him and start focusing it where it belongs-on yourself and your kids.
You have taken the first, and the hardest, step. You have reached for help. You will find it here. This place literally saved my life when I found it. You may not always like what you hear, but there are years of experience talking in the posts and there is power in knowing you are not alone.
You absolutely CAN make a better life for yourself. If I did it, so can you. Keep taking baby steps.
But you aren't. You will be surprised at the strength that you will find within yourself when you learn to stop focusing all your energy on him and start focusing it where it belongs-on yourself and your kids.
You have taken the first, and the hardest, step. You have reached for help. You will find it here. This place literally saved my life when I found it. You may not always like what you hear, but there are years of experience talking in the posts and there is power in knowing you are not alone.
You absolutely CAN make a better life for yourself. If I did it, so can you. Keep taking baby steps.
'Round and 'Round I Go....
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 478
Oh yes....we do become just as sick as the addict in our life.
We become, sort of speak, addicted to trying to get things back to a better place. Trying to get them back to a better place. Thinking and hoping that if we put enough work and strength into our addict we can actually control the outcome....make them better. If only we loved them "enough"....if only we watched over them more....if only we did more.... But it is never enough. There is never a good enough reason for them to stop for us. [This is the kind of sick thinking I am familiar with...my exah was the crack/cocaine addict in my life and since I still keep in contact with him...I guess he still is the addict in my life...but the difference now is that I have my own recovery on my side]. We could go around and around in circles for years before we realize it's been years. We repeat the same motions over and over again expecting a different result each time.
We don't have the power to change people...not even our loved ones. I agree, crack is one of the most evil drugs out there. It gets it's hook into someone and doesn't let go.
It took me 3 1/2 to 4 years to finally realize it was time to save myself. I had lost sight of that...the importance of taking care of me. Letting go is not an easy thing to do. We always feel like there is something more that we can do. I wish that were true. But in the end the addict needs to come to this decision on their own and the only way they will want to is to suffer the consequences, without safety nets, that drug use brings them.
You're not alone.
We become, sort of speak, addicted to trying to get things back to a better place. Trying to get them back to a better place. Thinking and hoping that if we put enough work and strength into our addict we can actually control the outcome....make them better. If only we loved them "enough"....if only we watched over them more....if only we did more.... But it is never enough. There is never a good enough reason for them to stop for us. [This is the kind of sick thinking I am familiar with...my exah was the crack/cocaine addict in my life and since I still keep in contact with him...I guess he still is the addict in my life...but the difference now is that I have my own recovery on my side]. We could go around and around in circles for years before we realize it's been years. We repeat the same motions over and over again expecting a different result each time.
We don't have the power to change people...not even our loved ones. I agree, crack is one of the most evil drugs out there. It gets it's hook into someone and doesn't let go.
It took me 3 1/2 to 4 years to finally realize it was time to save myself. I had lost sight of that...the importance of taking care of me. Letting go is not an easy thing to do. We always feel like there is something more that we can do. I wish that were true. But in the end the addict needs to come to this decision on their own and the only way they will want to is to suffer the consequences, without safety nets, that drug use brings them.
You're not alone.
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