My sister
Just plainly tired
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: crossroads
Posts: 2,834
My sister
For those of you who know me I usually come here to talk about my abf but this isnt about him its about my oldest sister.
Its hard extremely hard to even write about this... I feel like my sister is dying inside. She's an alcoholic, I believe she uses cocaine and taking pills. She has been an alcoholic for years probably from her first sip of beer when she was a kid. But she was still here, here in a way that I was always able to talk to her. A year ago she cheated on her husband and left him for a man she met online... very complicated and full of drama... she loves drama. She left her husband and her son behind who is 21 years old who has sever down syndrome and autism. Within this year she has spiraled down.. just seeing her causes me so much pain. She looks so old, wasted and gone. We barely speak anymore and she only calls me when she needs a favor, Mind you before she met this guy we spoke on the phone every night.. she is like my mom. I look at her and I am so afraid that shes going to die and it hurts to know that I cant do a thing for her. The hurt is so much stronger than anything I ever been through with my sons father. This is my older sister the person I could go to with anything. She doesnt bother with her son anymore and it gets me so angry but then I feel pity. Deep inside I feel like she wont be around much longer. I have tried talking to her and she either brushes off what ever I said or seems to take it in and then bam shes gone again. I never spoke about her here before and in a way because it always hurt so much even now to write about it my chest feels tight and my stomach feel empty. I wish I could call her now but she wont hear a word I have to say. Basically what I want to say is that I miss my sister so much and it hurts my heart so much that I know she sees shes going down hill but I cant do a thing about it. It also hurts to know I cant do anything to help her.
I guess thats about it.. I really needed to let it out... I cant get her out of my mind tonight. I pray that shes okay.:praying
hugs,
Jewelz
Its hard extremely hard to even write about this... I feel like my sister is dying inside. She's an alcoholic, I believe she uses cocaine and taking pills. She has been an alcoholic for years probably from her first sip of beer when she was a kid. But she was still here, here in a way that I was always able to talk to her. A year ago she cheated on her husband and left him for a man she met online... very complicated and full of drama... she loves drama. She left her husband and her son behind who is 21 years old who has sever down syndrome and autism. Within this year she has spiraled down.. just seeing her causes me so much pain. She looks so old, wasted and gone. We barely speak anymore and she only calls me when she needs a favor, Mind you before she met this guy we spoke on the phone every night.. she is like my mom. I look at her and I am so afraid that shes going to die and it hurts to know that I cant do a thing for her. The hurt is so much stronger than anything I ever been through with my sons father. This is my older sister the person I could go to with anything. She doesnt bother with her son anymore and it gets me so angry but then I feel pity. Deep inside I feel like she wont be around much longer. I have tried talking to her and she either brushes off what ever I said or seems to take it in and then bam shes gone again. I never spoke about her here before and in a way because it always hurt so much even now to write about it my chest feels tight and my stomach feel empty. I wish I could call her now but she wont hear a word I have to say. Basically what I want to say is that I miss my sister so much and it hurts my heart so much that I know she sees shes going down hill but I cant do a thing about it. It also hurts to know I cant do anything to help her.
I guess thats about it.. I really needed to let it out... I cant get her out of my mind tonight. I pray that shes okay.:praying
hugs,
Jewelz
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
(((Jewelz)))
Of course it hurts, you love her and watching her self-destruct has got to tear you apart.
It just sad how far beyond the addict their addiction reaches. And knowing that only they can save themselves doesn't make it easy to let go...but hanging on just takes us down with them,
Prayers for your sister, her child and for you too Jewelz. There's always hope and I park mine in a little place in my heart right next to faith.
Hugs
Of course it hurts, you love her and watching her self-destruct has got to tear you apart.
It just sad how far beyond the addict their addiction reaches. And knowing that only they can save themselves doesn't make it easy to let go...but hanging on just takes us down with them,
Prayers for your sister, her child and for you too Jewelz. There's always hope and I park mine in a little place in my heart right next to faith.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
oh, jewelz, i hate this for you after all you have gone thru. i will say a special prayer for her & for you too. i am so sorry, i know how it is with sisters. prayers for you & her & her son.
Just plainly tired
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: crossroads
Posts: 2,834
Thanks guys I basically have detached from her but the lost is so hard. Thats why I dont talk about it I guess it makes it more real. Tonight I cant stop thinking of her I usually pray send it to my HP and let it go. But I am scared..
Thank you for your prayers!
Jewelz
Thank you for your prayers!
Jewelz
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
hey Jewelz-
(((HUGS)))
wish I could give you a big sisterly hug!!
I suffered similar crushing pain when I first had to accept the truth about my alkie/addict brothers.
it is Sooooo painful sometimes - because when we were young and they were healthy we were so free and had such good times, normal fights, laughs, and strength for each other....those days (and those guys) are gone.
About ten years ago when I was really having a hard time I used to send a postcard (even though we lived in the same city!!!) to whichever one was on my mind and just write like, "hey, it was a beautiful? rainy? windy? day and it reminded me of...blah blah blah. And I Love you." It was the best I could do at that time. I had to stay away from them - because of their insane drama and denial dance, and I had just discovered how really sick a codie I was.
But I felt relief as soon as I dropped that card in the box. As soon as I sent the little love bomb on its way it was like permisssion to "let go" of the fear and anxiety. The mailbox was my hp for a while I guess.
I love them so much - it just sux. It just makes me so angry some days....
*sigh*
You'll be in my prayers tonight - that you find some relief from your heartache - and have a brighter day tomorrow--
Peace,
B.
(((HUGS)))
wish I could give you a big sisterly hug!!
I suffered similar crushing pain when I first had to accept the truth about my alkie/addict brothers.
it is Sooooo painful sometimes - because when we were young and they were healthy we were so free and had such good times, normal fights, laughs, and strength for each other....those days (and those guys) are gone.
About ten years ago when I was really having a hard time I used to send a postcard (even though we lived in the same city!!!) to whichever one was on my mind and just write like, "hey, it was a beautiful? rainy? windy? day and it reminded me of...blah blah blah. And I Love you." It was the best I could do at that time. I had to stay away from them - because of their insane drama and denial dance, and I had just discovered how really sick a codie I was.
But I felt relief as soon as I dropped that card in the box. As soon as I sent the little love bomb on its way it was like permisssion to "let go" of the fear and anxiety. The mailbox was my hp for a while I guess.
I love them so much - it just sux. It just makes me so angry some days....
*sigh*
You'll be in my prayers tonight - that you find some relief from your heartache - and have a brighter day tomorrow--
Peace,
B.
Get Caught Reading
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410
(((((((Jewelz))))))))
I'm so sorry, honey. I do feel your pain and know why you haven't
spoken about her. I lost 2 brothers to addiction. The first when I was 13.
He had just turned 22. He was an intravenous drug user. Jumped into the
Licking River and drowned. No one was with him. An elderly man and his
grandson saw him go under, struggle, surface, go under, and that was it.
It took them 3 days to find his body. He was a beautiful soul with his curly
brown afro (1979) and little stick body.
The other was an alcoholic. Was stationed in Germany during Vietnam. Learned to drink there and came home a pro at it. Never stopped. Had 4 daughters and a high school sweetheart wife for 25 years. All the while he drank like a fish. He died of a heart attack in his own kitchen one night. His
wife found him the next morning. She still is affected so much by that.
He was a big, ol' mountain bear of a man who just never knew when to quit.
I shared these stories with you because I know you hurt and I wish there was something you could do to help her. No one could help my brothers. Everyone in my family were major codies. We just dealt with it at that time. (70's)
I wish there was some inspirational words of wisdom I could share with you. Some great, happily ever after thing. There's not.
Just know my heart, thoughts, and prayers are with you and your sis.
Love ya,
I'm so sorry, honey. I do feel your pain and know why you haven't
spoken about her. I lost 2 brothers to addiction. The first when I was 13.
He had just turned 22. He was an intravenous drug user. Jumped into the
Licking River and drowned. No one was with him. An elderly man and his
grandson saw him go under, struggle, surface, go under, and that was it.
It took them 3 days to find his body. He was a beautiful soul with his curly
brown afro (1979) and little stick body.
The other was an alcoholic. Was stationed in Germany during Vietnam. Learned to drink there and came home a pro at it. Never stopped. Had 4 daughters and a high school sweetheart wife for 25 years. All the while he drank like a fish. He died of a heart attack in his own kitchen one night. His
wife found him the next morning. She still is affected so much by that.
He was a big, ol' mountain bear of a man who just never knew when to quit.
I shared these stories with you because I know you hurt and I wish there was something you could do to help her. No one could help my brothers. Everyone in my family were major codies. We just dealt with it at that time. (70's)
I wish there was some inspirational words of wisdom I could share with you. Some great, happily ever after thing. There's not.
Just know my heart, thoughts, and prayers are with you and your sis.
Love ya,
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
(((((((((((((JEWELZ)))))))))))
I'm so glad you could share this with us. I'm sure it feels good to get it out in the open, even though it's a bit scary at the same time. Voicing it makes it real and the reality of it is scaring you. Oh Jewelz, I understand that fear. Just remember all the acroymns we have for FEAR. Maybe some of these will help you get back the proper perspective that I know is deep down inside of you.
Fear: face everything and recover; forgetting everything's all right' false evidence appearing real.
Jewelz, fall back on your recovery tools and remember that your HP has your sister (and you)right where both of you need to be today. We might not understand it or like it, but there is a reason it's all happening the way it is.
We talked the other night at my meeting about how we can work our recovery program and make it throught the pain. There are no promises of a painless life, but recovery does teach us that we can get through it and come out on the other side, many times a better person.
Hugs and prayers for your sister and your,
Hangin' In
I'm so glad you could share this with us. I'm sure it feels good to get it out in the open, even though it's a bit scary at the same time. Voicing it makes it real and the reality of it is scaring you. Oh Jewelz, I understand that fear. Just remember all the acroymns we have for FEAR. Maybe some of these will help you get back the proper perspective that I know is deep down inside of you.
Fear: face everything and recover; forgetting everything's all right' false evidence appearing real.
Jewelz, fall back on your recovery tools and remember that your HP has your sister (and you)right where both of you need to be today. We might not understand it or like it, but there is a reason it's all happening the way it is.
We talked the other night at my meeting about how we can work our recovery program and make it throught the pain. There are no promises of a painless life, but recovery does teach us that we can get through it and come out on the other side, many times a better person.
Hugs and prayers for your sister and your,
Hangin' In
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,322
I have "lost" a dear friend, my sister-in-law, to the disease of addiction. I also tried to reach her, was fed lies and excuses to the point where it was damaging ME by spending so much time trying to help HER. Take care of yourself and pray to your HP. I loved a line I read this morning that the antidote to fear is faith. Sending you prayers 
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
(better late than never is my motto...)
Jewelz,
Don't ever doubt that there is hope, hope and faith are 2 things I rely on.
I have a brother who began drinking and using drugs at the age of 15. He stopped and began recovery, and AA when he was 35. So, see? There's always hope. I had my doubts that he would stay clean and sober, but you know what? He has, AND he even quit smoking!
Whatever the reasons why, like Ann said, your sister has her H.P. watching out for her, and he's watching out for you, too.
It's hard to watch people, family, we are so close to spiral downward, but we have to have faith that it will turn out just as God intends.
It's that faith part that I had a hard time with, in the beginning.
You take care of you, Jewelz, how about attending some extra meetings? Heaven knows they always help me when I feel some issues getting me down.
Hugs, and hugs,
)Jewelz,
Don't ever doubt that there is hope, hope and faith are 2 things I rely on.
I have a brother who began drinking and using drugs at the age of 15. He stopped and began recovery, and AA when he was 35. So, see? There's always hope. I had my doubts that he would stay clean and sober, but you know what? He has, AND he even quit smoking!
Whatever the reasons why, like Ann said, your sister has her H.P. watching out for her, and he's watching out for you, too.
It's hard to watch people, family, we are so close to spiral downward, but we have to have faith that it will turn out just as God intends.
It's that faith part that I had a hard time with, in the beginning.
You take care of you, Jewelz, how about attending some extra meetings? Heaven knows they always help me when I feel some issues getting me down.
Hugs, and hugs,
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