Jwife22

Setting boundaries doesn't mean you have to leave him if you're not ready for that. Setting boundaries means that you determine what is acceptable in YOUR eyes and YOU live your life by those rules. It doesn't mean saying, either quit or get out, it means, if you do this, I will do this.

If I find drugs in the house, for my own safety and for the safety of my children, I will be forced to call the police.

I can no longer be around an active addict for my own sanity. I will no longer allow myself to be exposed to that type of behavior.

My boundaries were for my sanity. In the beginning maybe they were to control him but the longer I stuck to my boundaries, even when he did use, the better I noticed I felt.

Boundaries are for me not him.

Jwife22

I got tired of "Helping" my husband do things that he should be doing for himself. He is a grown man and my "helping" hasn't done much in the past except wear me out. He IS a grown man, I should allow him the dignity to live his life as he chooses, I am not his mother, he is not 10, I should not be attempting to control his life.

No one will tell you to leave him, when to leave him, how to leave him or why to leave him. That is a personal decision. We are ready to leave when we are ready to leave and not one single minute sooner. I didn't leave but I did put my boundaries in place and let him struggle on his own. I quit babying him through his withdrawls and quit walking on eggshells so I didn't make him mad. Heaven forbid *I* make him use again because *I* didn't bow to his needs.

No one here is trying to be harsh or uncaring. We ALL care. We've all been there and know how stinkin hard it is. We do become addicted to the drama. That's why I am a codependent. I NEED to be helping someone or fixing someone or controlling someone. I had to get that under control in a hurry.

(((danish)))) Its hard, I know. No one expects you to immediately do things their way. We each figure it out in our own time. It took me a while and I took a little advice from each of the folks here and applied it to my life in a way that I felt it fit. Take what you like and leave the rest is a phrase I applied daily to my life, not only here but from all those other folks "in real life".

Danishthorn

I did tell him that if I found any more pills in the house I would call the police. I called the doctors office he uses, but they told me that they would not even tell me if he were a patient there because of HIPPA laws.

I just realized Im going on and on again about what Im doing.
I feel like im twisted in knots.
Okay, so Im going to tell him tonight that I am setting boundries. I will not allow the pills in my home or I will call the police and he will have to leave. I will not allow any of his friends who are dealers/addicts in my home or to call my telephone. He needs to cut those ties. We are leaving for Tennessee in 6 weeks, so that should help some. I am confronting his mother the next chance I get. She needs to know that her addiction is leaving a door open for her son. I know that if he got that desperate, he might take one of her pills. If she was really concerned for his well being, she would get help herself and not make them available. I know if my daughter were dealing with an addiction to a drug that could kill her, I Damn sure wouldnt have those same pills laying around my house (especially when he was there).

hello-kitty

Hi Danish, I really caution you about setting boundaries and consequences that you are not 100% committed to following through on if you are committed then thats great but if your not then what you are doing is making empty threats and promises, just like your husband does. Actions speak louder than words...