Chino

I've been nagging her to clean up her former room and she's been working on it slowly but surely. Today I didn't have to nag and she wanted to talk, too. So I went in there, peeled old stickers off the wall and listened.

She talked about her co-dependency issues, her finally understanding that romantic love is a choice, and then she wanted to know what happened with me in the last month. She said she noticed that I had kind of stepped back from her.

I told her I had to address my co-dependency issues, too. I had to do it a long time ago and this time because of her addiction. I told her I had a moment of clarity last month where I realized I was addicted to her, and that made me madder than hell at myself.

I told her I detached from her and, after thinking about it a minute, she thanked me. She said it forced her to think and stop trying to manipulate me because I wasn't responding.

I told her the moral of the story is that we both have to be vigilant about co-dependency for the rest of our lives, because just like addiction, its way too easy to relapse.

That was the first normal yet enlightening conversation we've had in years. Now if she'll just get that damned room finished life will be perfect

lilkim

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good for you!

itisatruth

I told her the moral of the story is that we both have to be vigilant about co-dependency for the rest of our lives, because just like addiction, its way too easy to relapse.


How wonderful that you are both growing and communicating. Good for you! Thanks for the 'lesson'

Lobo

I loved hearing that. You gave me some inspiration as to what I need to do.

Thanks..........Lo

Chino

Lo, it was one of those "too coincidental to be coincidental" moments. I had been reading all these pain filled posts here about co-dependency and detachment then, what do you know, the subject comes up between my AD and I.

I think it was shock that kept my mouth shut and my fingers busy peeling stickers and scotch tape. I knew something was happening right then that needed to be shared.

When she remembered all the days and nights she was gone, deep in her addiction, and I told her how sick it made me, how crazy I was with fear, she said she shouldn't have lived here. It was said with a quiet humility and in that moment I felt respect for her.

When I detached for me, our family benefited. I thought I was the one holding us all together but I was keeping us all apart.

BigSis

Chino.... thank you for your post. It touches something in me, too. I can my relationship with my AD in that talk you had. ((hugs))

Ann

Chino, I think that room was left until now because "now" was the right time to have that conversation.

Coincidence is God's way of staying anonymous and I think there was something special in that room with you both last night.

Read your post again, and take notice that it is neither addiction nor codependency speaking, just a loving mom to her grown up daughter. It's quite beautiful.

Hugs

peaceteach

When I detached for me, our family benefited. I thought I was the one holding us all together but I was keeping us all apart.


Wow. One profound thought here...... Thanks, Chino!

My "messy" (non-addict) daughter has become the most OCD cleaning machine since she went away to college. So something paid off with all my "modeling". I figure there are worse things she could obsess about.

Hangin' In

Do you mean to tell me that once a room is cleaned up, it STAYS cleaned up?

Darn, I must be doing something wrong.

Hugs, Chino. I know the good feeling of actually having a decent conversation with a daughter every now and then. Doesn't happen THAT often, but when it does, it's really nice.

Now go dust or sweep or something...

Hugs,
Hangin' In

bookmiser

Your recovery's showin'....