psychobabe

This is my first post on this forum so will give you short version of last 3 years.
Then she was 27 - had finished 2 years of Physical Therapy graduate school. Validictorian of high school, member of sorority in college. Always very social and successful. Then came Ambien....
Was prescribed by doctor because she couldn't sleep and it ran away with her life. She has been in rehab twice - has a felony for forging scripts for Ambien, was given another chance last fall to finish graduate school. In last two weeks, she likely stole a bunch of stuff at a family baby shower, was arrested for shoplifting (another felony) and was terminated from graduate school for good.
We had allowed to her come stay with us last fall when she was able to return to graduate school - but now that she has destroyed that are faced with asking her to leave our house - cutting off any financial support and in general stopping our enabling.
I would appreciate any feedback on the necessity of doing this. I know she needs to leave - for our sanity and hers. It has been a nightmare that I can't wake up from.
I am so sad and angry that this disease has stolen our daughter and ruined (for now at least) all the great future she could have had.
Thanks for any feedback and support.

Impurrfect

Welcome to SR!!

More will be along soon to welcome you and give you their ES&H (experience, strength and hope).

I am a recovering addict, and can tell you that we addicts usually don't stop using until the consequences are bad enough. Being homeless and on the streets wasn't enough to stop me from using. Getting locked up for almost 6 months was, but I wasn't working at recovery (I just stayed clean) and I relapsed. It only lasted a week, but had a lot more consequences and it was what I needed to stop and work at recovery.

Al-anon or nar-anon meetings are a good place for you to meet other people going through similar situations. You deserve to not be dragged down into her addiction. As much as it hurts, letting her fall on her face and figure out how to get back up, is the best thing for any addict.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

splendra

(((pb)))

Welcome ! If your daughter is committing crimes against you and your property I would think it would be okay to ask her to leave. Addiction takes all kinds of prisoners you don't have to be one of them just because your daughter is.

One of the hardest things for those of us on the sidelines watching the addict do their thing is to realize that the harder we try to make them change the tighter the grip addiction gets on all of us and that we have to learn to loosen our grip on them.

BayAreaPhoenix

Sounds like you know what you have to do. Doesn't make it easier. There will be other parents along shortly to share - I just wanted to send some hugs and support to you.

Chino

That's your number one reason for needing her to leave. Things may or may not get better for her but they will for you when you take back control of your home and life.

bobbijo

I don't have the answer for you but have just sought help on this forum for support of my husband's apparent cannabis addiction today. I just wanted to let you know that I understand robbed you feel. We have been together 7 years but only married for 7 months and had so much to look forward to and are very lucky in many respects. I can't get my head round what a waste it all is. I fear I have lost him for good and know in a clearer time he will look back with a lot of regret when it will be too late. The last week has been the hardest of my life because although we are 'living' under the same roof I have just had to let him go. The hardest thing is accepting that there's nothing you can do to change them and the more I accept this the more I realise that my husband was never going to stop because he never had to. He is very angry and feels extremely let down by me right now, but I can only hope that the dark place I have knowingly sent him will make him see he is there through his own choice, and he will only get out through choice. The people who hurt us just don't realise the pain they are causing and it is so angering that they are so oblivious to it. Intentionally or not, there is only one guilty party your situation, and in mine, and we must remember that through the difficult times ahead. Remember you can only stand by your daughter's side so long as she stays by yours. It doesn't help the situation but you have understanding. Stay strong for yourself and in the hope your daughter will need your strength when she musters up enough of her own to accept your help.

laurie6781

Welcome to SR. You have found a great place with lots of caring folks, who will share their experience, strength and hope (ES&H) with you.

I was your daughter, my folks were like you, only they waited until I was 33 1/2 years old, then told me in no uncertain terms that if I came to the door it would be closed in my face, and if I called on the phone (this was b4 caller ID, lol) they would hang up, and they did stick to their guns.

It took me another 2 1/2 years to find my bottom, and the last year and a half was living on the streets of Hollyweird.

I share that to give you hope. Yes you will worry, yes you will wonder where is she, is she cold, is she getting anything to eat? and on and on and on. She will survive, it may not be pretty, but it may just be the 'wake up' call she needs.

The longer you let her stay under your roof, without boundaries and RULES the longer it will take for her to reach her bottom. She will be more likely (but there are no guarantees that she will reach it) possibly to reach it when she starts to 'feel' the consequences of her actions.

Please keep posting and let us know how YOU are doing, we do care very much.

Love and hugs,

bookmiser

(((((psychobabe)))))


I'm glad your here. So sorry for the reason.
Sounds like you've hit your own rock bottom with your daughter's addiction.
It was the same with my son. It's scary that your daughter had so much going for her, only to have thrown it all away. Just goes to show that addiction is not prejudice and no one is safe from it. I'm so sorry.
You need to do what you have to do.
Sending prayers and support to you and your family. Keep coming back.
Hugs from one mom to another,
Linda

outtolunch

There is a poster here, Miss Pink, I think, who once responded to someone along the lines of " enabling kills". Yeah, it was harsh and yet, for some, like me, there is a need to be hit between the eyes to stop rationalizing.

The addict brain need enablers to remain addicted. It blows me away how recourceful most addict brains are at replacing one enabler with another, when push comes to shove.

Ann

I too had to make my son leave our home, as have many moms and dads here. It's probably the hardest thing we have ever done, but it was either that or let their addiction kill us too.

The thing is, WE don't have the be the only option. Your daughter can choose to go to a recovery program (the Salvation Army Programs are free and very good), she can go to detox and they will get her on a short list of any available program that might be appropriate. Or she can get a job and support herself, although this may be more difficult now (but not impossible) because of her record and history.

If she is not willing to seek help and put action behind her words if she says she is, then nothing you do will stop her from continuing on this self-destructive path.

Meetings and learning to work a 12-step program helped me regain my balance and find the courage to do what I had to do to save my own life.

I'm sorry for your situation but glad you found us. You're among friends here who truly understand.

Hugs

psychobabe

Thanks for all the words of wisdom. I attended Alanon 25 years ago when my spouse got sober. My husband and I are both in the mental health field and have worked with addiction. So - we know what to do - intellectually - but it is so different when it is one of your own.
Her being kicked out of school is kind of a relief - I knew it was coming - just didn't know when.
I especially appreciate the feedback from the recovering addicts out there - reminds me how the addicted brain works.
Thanks again - I will keep posting and reading.