Manipulation tactic???
 

I think I already know the answer, but I want some feedback.

Is being overly good just another manipulation tactic? My abf does it all - cooks, cleans, laundry, gets up with the baby (sometimes), and treats me like gold (I guess I am like gold in a way - pay all the bills). I think he does all that so I will overlook the drug use (he told me he was done) or at least feel guilty about questioning him "because he does so much for me".

Thoughts?

I wouldn't even call it a manipulation tactic, more like just something from the addict playbook.

Toby Rice Drews- "You realize that if you are wary, he'll notice it and point it out, and call you crazy for not being happy that he's being nice to you. "What's the matter with you now?" he yells at you. He loves to act nice and put you on your guard, so that you'll look overreactive when you're wary."

Though Ms. Drews does call it a "manipulation tactic".

Good book, would highly recommend it.

Well, how does he do it? Does he point out, "look how much I've done!" or does he do something different?

Its called Payoff. My ex would do the dishes, cook, etc etc (but only a few nights a week) I would offer to do it and he would say no, no, I'll help you out.
Load and behold, 5 minutes later he would be on the internet and all night.
Yes hes manipulating you!!

It's only manipulation if you let it be. Sharing the workload is something responsible healthy people do, and I'm sure you do lots of this in a day as well as earning the money to pay the bills. Does he thank you?

I can think of worse ways to try to manipulate, so for now just don't buy into the motive and enjoy the action.

Just my thoughts.

Hugs

he is doing what he should be doing. he should also have a job & be working it. until you get "it all" do not be satisfied.let him know how you feel about all of this. prayers,

I say to enjoy it while it lasts. And if you have any big projects around the house that you have been putting off, now may be the time to ask:) Hugs, Marle

My ex used to do quite a bit around the house, I think he did it to ease his own consience (sp). When he used, he would do extra and be more helpful. then when we would fight he wuld say" it doesn't matter all the good things I do you only remember the bad" just my 2 cents...

This " help you out" routine is for the birds. He eats and therefore cooking and cleaning up are facts of life, for all adults.

( Sorry for the rant)

Oh my gosh yes! Manipulation at its best AND opiate abuse in full force (if that's his DOC)! At least that's what I recognize. The energy level from opiate abuse will allow him to be super maid too. I saw this a million times with my XAH. And you are VERY correct on the outbursts. I always felt like he was looking for a reward, a cookie or a pat on the head for his good deeds. All the while, I knew he was buzzing around on a magic carpet ride from the opiates, and/or he had just returned from a doctor shopping trip in Houston and was very well stocked up on pills.