Not a good day

Old 04-11-2008, 11:15 AM
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Not a good day

My AS just called me at work, his reason he wanted to know when the police would be arresting him for the mastercard fraud? I told him I had to wait until the credit card company got back to me with the written proof he did it before I went to the police station. He was just charged last week so when I do proceed with this newest one he will be held for bail.
He also asked me if he could go in to my home to do his laundry???????
I said no go to a laundry mat of course no money. Anyhow it was all an excuse to call me.
I am so sick of this crack crap!!!!!! I wonder will I ever get my son back. I know I can not nor will I cave with him any longer. He probably wanted to go in to my house to rip me off who knows. I keep hearing that crack is worse to recover from then heroine? I have not heard many positive stories regarding recovery on crack, or Im not reading the right ones. I am just so tired of all of this. I know it is out of my control it just makes me so sad.
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Old 04-11-2008, 11:29 AM
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there much different addictions. I am a former heroin addict and from what i understand about the drugs is that heroin is a much more physical addiction, being that when i was hooked if i didnt get my fix i would be curled up on the floor in a ball shaking, throwing up , sweating profusely..etc etc. which would lead me to do anything and everything to get my next fix because being dopesick is a fate worse than hell.

What i understand about crack is that the addiction is mostly mental and that the addict doesn't go through any physical withdrawals like i just described above but there mind constantly convinces them that they need the drug and things will change this time and they can be responsible with using "once in a while". etc etc.

The trouble with crack addicts is that they can be sober for many months and then end up going on a binge and being back at square one all over again because its there mind they have to fix. Dealing with heroin addicts like myself, after 6-10 days clean your almost out of the woods being that all the physical withdrawal is subsiding and theres much less chance of going back to the drug.

Hope your son finds his way, dont give up hope though. When i think of all the cr-ap i put my mother and father through over my 3 year heroin run i cant even imagine how they had any hope left but they kept on trying with me. I love them all the more for this now and even though i am only a little over 4 months clean, my relationship with the both of them is so much better that i could have imagined.

Keep posting and always remember (for your sons sake) its never to late to turn it all around
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Old 04-11-2008, 11:34 AM
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I can tell you that my daughter who is 26 so far has kicked heroin and crack addiction for 9 months. She recently had an alcohol relapse. She wasn't really a drinker before.
She lives with me and there haven't been any drug relapses. She works and is trying to get enough money together to move out of my house.

People do kick crack habits everyday. Please don't give up hope. There is hope for your son he just has to want to get better.

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Old 04-11-2008, 02:49 PM
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Hi Katie. I kicked the crack habit and I have several friends who have kicked the crack habit. But I know many many more people who have not kicked the crack habit. Your son will quit when using crack causes him more pain than not using. It's a different bottom for everyone.

I know that it's hard when cracked up loved ones called. Next time, maybe don't answer the phone. Let him leave a message and then choose whether or not you want to call him back later. Nothing is going to change for him until something changes - and that may mean mom and dad cutting off all contact. You can still have hope without contact. Actually, in my situation, I find it is easier to have hope with no contact.

Hang in there. This is your son's battle. Do you have other children who don't smoke crack, abuse you verbally and steal from you? Maybe spend extra special time with them instead of spending your energy worrying about some-one who doesn't want help, only hand-outs, right now.
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Old 04-11-2008, 03:00 PM
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i pulled myself out of crack addiction with no help and im only 21 there is always hope
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Old 04-11-2008, 03:07 PM
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Katie , I cannot comment on the heroin/crack question, but I am a mom of an AD, and I understand your pain and frustration...just wanted to send you a big ole hug and say keep on keeping on , you are doing all the right things...:ghug3
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Old 04-11-2008, 03:13 PM
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The best way you can help him is to help yourself. He HAS to hit his own bottom. Where is that poem about the meth addict pleading with everyone to let them hit it. It made me cry but was so right on.

You can't make me clean

I know it is what you want for me to be, but until I want it - I won't be.

You can't love me clean ...because until I learn to love myself. I won't be.

I know you must wonder how can I learn to love myself when I am caught up in a lifestyle of self-hatred and self destruction. I can learn from my own experience ... I can learn from the things that happen to me along the path of my own mistakes. I can learn by being allowed to suffer the consequences of my choices. Life has a funny way of teaching us the lessons we need learn.

I know it devastates you to watch me hurting myself. I know you want to jump in and save me. This helps ease your pain, but I don't think you understand just how damaging it is to me.

You see although I look and sound like your loved one. Me, the person .. is locked away deep down inside my being. What you see before you is a addict ruled and reigned by my addiction. The main focus of an addict is to feed the addiction. Every effort you put forth in the name of helping me *the person* falls prey to my addict giving more power to the addiction to shackle down *the person in me .. a little more each time.

I feed my addiction enough ... please don't help me.

The only way for the person in me to get free is to be free .. to fall as far as I need to go in order to find the strength to fight back and break free.

How can or will I ever be able to get clean.

The same way I gave myself over to my addiction is the same way I can give myself over to my recovery. BY MYSELF

By allowing me to reach 'rock bottom' you move over and allow me to find my own way back .. It is in the fight to break free that I will find myself .. it is in the fight that I learn to love myself .. the more I love myself the more I will do to better myself.

I am aware that when I use I am playing Russian roulette with my life. I know this, but that is a chance we take when we use. The addict in me is willing to take that chance in the name of getting high. Rock bottom is but a circumstance away. I can't get in if you are blocking the entrance ...
Please for the sake of the person in me .. move out of the way .. and let me fall as far down as I have to in order to reach the bottom .. and pray for me that when I do hit .. that is not with the impact that leaves me for dead (I know that is your greatest fear), but if it comes to that .. be sure to tell my story so that others might learn and live.

The original is around here somewhere.
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Old 04-11-2008, 04:56 PM
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I do not believe an one recovering from an addication would say it was easy. If it was easy then no one would be an addict right. Do not answer your phone next time he calls, he wants a reaction from you. I hope he will hit rock bottom.

My XAH is on Meth and has been in and out of rehab. Myself I am 2yrs clean from meth. It was easy for me because I had kids that I loved more then the drug.

So just let him hit his bottom, it maybe sooner then later.
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Old 04-11-2008, 08:13 PM
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I thought the same thing about meth - that is was worse than other drugs. I think it is bad, but more - it is "nortorious"... as is crack... as was heroin. Things go through phases and pill popping is up and coming in the youth, and will become more notorious as time goes on.

Each addict fights the battle himself - each has a fighting chance. You can get your son back... he has to figure it out himself, though. The less enabling we can do, the better.

Taking the phone off the hook was one of my first boundaries - I did it so I could sleep at night...without getting a "come get me" or "come get her out of jail" or "she is in the hospital" calls that I so dreaded. It helped. I slept. That was enough, back then.

Having numbers available for Salvation Army, Teen Challenge (it is available to adults, as well) and other rehabs and NA and AA is a good thing. But don't give them to him until he asks for them. And in the meantime, you might check out a handful of Alanon and Naranon meetings. They really do help.

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Old 04-12-2008, 07:49 AM
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Last month I celebrated a year of recovery from crack. I don't know that it's harder than any other drug, but I was told in treatment that it's the "most progressively addictive drug". I've seen people struggle with every type of drug.

Those of us who do recover, have to want it really, really bad but it's possible. I didn't even think about recovery until the pain and consequences of using got bad enough that it wasn't worth it anymore.

He's probably going to try to guilt you, manipulate you, beg, and promise you the world if you'll drop the charges. I think he is just now realizing that you have finally had enough. Stick to your boundaries, press the charges, and let him find out that crack has some really bad consequences. But more importantly, take care of you!

Hugs and prayers!

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Old 04-12-2008, 11:00 AM
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So much support around here, this really is a great place.
Katie, I don't have anything else to add about the addiction part, I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you and hope you are in a better place today, if not then very soon. I admire parents like you who are doing the best they can for themselves and the addict by letting them find recovery.
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Old 04-12-2008, 11:10 AM
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Taking the phone off the hook was one of my first boundaries - I did it so I could sleep at night...without getting a "come get me" or "come get her out of jail" or "she is in the hospital" calls that I so dreaded. It helped. I slept. That was enough, back then.
Me too. I had to reach a point where just turning off the phone at night wouldn't feel like a betrayal. It was hard, but I did it eventually. I think you will too. My son was addicted to heroin for 5 long years. I think I aged 15 years in that 5 year period. lol Never give up the hope that he will get there.
God willing and by his own strength and perseverance, he will get there.
You stay strong, mom. Believe it or not, this is helping him. I always thought my Jason had the thickest skull of any kid around. Nothing would get through to him. I was wrong. It did get through, but it had to get there on it's own. Not by me.
I'm praying for you both, Katie.
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Old 04-14-2008, 12:01 PM
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Thankyou for your replies, all that are in recovery you give me hope and faith. It really is quite inspiring. I cannot imagine the battle you all must face. Sometimes as parents we just get so down, frustrated and fed up. Good days and bad days. I just feel so detached from him these days emotionally detached.
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