MsPINKAcres

Character Defects

It is my belief that I have every right to ask to be recongnized and understood. That is why I always wanted to explain my reasons, opinions, excuses and needs as clearly as I could, using far too many words although I was seldom satisfied with the results. I always felt that the other person did not understand me.

When I started attending Nar-Anon meetings, I did feel that I was understood, but I still felt that everybody was different from me and that my situation was somehow special. I now recognize that this is one of my shortcomings. I would focus on the differences between people, not on our similarities. I loved to feel unique although I felt isolated. Another shortcoming I recognized is that I placed expectations on the outcome of being understood. I thought if the addict understood how I felt, he would stop hurting me, or frustrating me.

I am now learning that I can enjoy my uniqueness without isolating. I can share my experiences with other Nar-Anon members to unite us in recovery. Communication is important because it allows me to share. However, I cannot use logic or detailed explanations to make people act the way I see fit. I do not have that power. I can express how I feel, but when I start repeating myself over and over, it is likely I am trying to control or manipulate rather than communicate.

Thought for Today: I will not use my words to control but I will share my experiences, strength and hope to grow in my recovery.

"Skillful speech not only means that we pay attention to the words we speak and to their tone, but also requires that our words reflect compassion and concern for others and that they help and heal rather than wound and destroy." - Bhante Henepola Gunaratana, Eight Mindful Steps to Happiness

MsPINKAcres

This was and sometimes is still one of the hardest things for me to grasp.

In a recent discussion with one of the A's in my life - a little BELL went off in my head as I was beginning to "explain" my reasons for setting a boundary. This was the 3rd time I was going to "explain" my reasons for this boundary.
(duh - I'm a fast learner huh?)

By my HP's grace, my recovery program and the e, s, & h that I get from each of you and my f2f meeting members - I looked at my A and said "I know that you are listening to what I am saying and that you are really trying to get it - but the truth is that you will probably never understand my perspective as I will never truly understand your perspective as an alcoholic/addict. I can only say this is what is healthy for me - it is not really about you as far is it is about doing the Next Right Thing for me."

My prayer is that healthy compassion all the time in dealing with the A's in my life - Progress not Perfection - If I was able to do it then - that means I'm open and my HP will keep showing me more ways to keep on using recovery in every part of my life.

Wishing You Serenity & Joy,
Rita

greeteachday

I always thought I needed to explain too and if I explained long and hard enough my sound logic would prevail One of the most beautiful gifts recovery has brought me is the ability to know that I have thoughts and feelings but they are not the only "right" and the only person i can control is me.

The very first lesson I fully embraced in my early exposure to recovery was something I heard at family week at my daughter's rehab. If I say something once I am expressing my view. More than once, I am trying to control. Thinking about that opened my eyes to recognizing how much of a control freak I was. Learning to start letting that go has freed me in every aspect of my life.