Loved Ones In Prison - Part 2
Me too, Ray. I just want to send you positive energy and prayers for strength.
Perhaps the worse he gets, the easier it will be to make positive decisions for yourself and the children. The more active my XAH was, the angrier I became, and anger always seemed to give me momentum.
Speaking of my XAH, he has just been released from 22 months of jail/rehab. He moved back and got an apartment nearby. He seems to be doing okay for the time being. I truly wish him well. It is easier to find compassion for him now that I am not bound to him legally or financially.
The old rocking chair is still rocking, Girlfriend, climb on up and get some hugs and comfort.
Babs
Perhaps the worse he gets, the easier it will be to make positive decisions for yourself and the children. The more active my XAH was, the angrier I became, and anger always seemed to give me momentum.
Speaking of my XAH, he has just been released from 22 months of jail/rehab. He moved back and got an apartment nearby. He seems to be doing okay for the time being. I truly wish him well. It is easier to find compassion for him now that I am not bound to him legally or financially.
The old rocking chair is still rocking, Girlfriend, climb on up and get some hugs and comfort.
Babs
((ray))
that's some big ole Mom hugs coming from me!!
prayers and good thoughts going out for you - that you and your HP will find your inner strength and courage that has always been a part of you - that you will stand tall and proud even tho your face may show pain and tears -
You are worth so much more in this wonderful beauty life
You deserve to have a life that is Happy, Joyous and Free
As you take each tiny step toward your path to that world for you - please know that we are there with you - with our e, s, & h and most importantly with our love, acceptance and support.
One Battle at a Time - Fight the Battle for YOU, for your Serenity and Happy Place
HUGS (Hope, Unity, Gratitude and Serenity)
Rita
that's some big ole Mom hugs coming from me!!
prayers and good thoughts going out for you - that you and your HP will find your inner strength and courage that has always been a part of you - that you will stand tall and proud even tho your face may show pain and tears -
You are worth so much more in this wonderful beauty life
You deserve to have a life that is Happy, Joyous and Free
As you take each tiny step toward your path to that world for you - please know that we are there with you - with our e, s, & h and most importantly with our love, acceptance and support.
One Battle at a Time - Fight the Battle for YOU, for your Serenity and Happy Place
HUGS (Hope, Unity, Gratitude and Serenity)
Rita
Thanks for letting me vent. I need that rocking chair tonight!!!
((Ray))
sounds like you are in the place where you need to feel your emotions, then ask your HP what's next for your life.
I have found that sometimes I just need to feel the anger, sadness, fear, etc. Then I can pick myself up, and say "Ok, God it's me & you - what's next?, where do we go from here? Is it time to do something? Please show Your Will and Your Plan for my life. oh & I'll also need the power to carry that out. Amen."
That's just how I have handled those times.
Hate so much it is that downward spiral for him - it is so very destructive and can take down the world around him.
Please take good care of you and keep letting us know how you are
HUGS,
Rita
sounds like you are in the place where you need to feel your emotions, then ask your HP what's next for your life.
I have found that sometimes I just need to feel the anger, sadness, fear, etc. Then I can pick myself up, and say "Ok, God it's me & you - what's next?, where do we go from here? Is it time to do something? Please show Your Will and Your Plan for my life. oh & I'll also need the power to carry that out. Amen."
That's just how I have handled those times.
Hate so much it is that downward spiral for him - it is so very destructive and can take down the world around him.
Please take good care of you and keep letting us know how you are
HUGS,
Rita
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
(((Hugs Ray))) You are going thru such tough times. I found the best way for me to deal with anger is to allow myself to feel it, but not allow it to poison me or stop me from getting where I want to go. It helps me to write down my goal. And then write down the specific steps I need to take to achieve it. That way, the anger doesn't distract me so much that I can't remember where I am trying to go. Keep moving forward. Babysteps.
No exciting news on my end. My ex found God (again). He always finds him in prison, but he always seems to leave him there when he gets out. He's been sending cards to his son. After much cajoling from me. Not sure if that's good or bad but it is what it is. It makes my son VERY EXCITED to get a card from daddy. It makes him feel happy and loved. So I guess it's good. No matter what the card actually says (usually it's some hogwash about what they are going to do when he gets out of jail) I always tell my son that the card says:
"I love you very much. I am sorry I cannot be with you but I will see you when I can. Be good and listen to your mommy."
That way my son has no false expectations. When he gets older and can actually read, he can determine for himself whether his father ever followed though on his promises.
As far as my life goes, I'm dating (!!) a new guy. He's an old friend. I've known him for years. He knows about the situation with Andrews dad. He has a daughter the same age as my son. They've played together since they were babies.
Anyway... so the story goes.
Hang in there Ray. Keep posting and don't be a stranger. Once YOU hit bottom, you can stop digging and the only way you'll go is up. Same for you kids. Damage control, I always say...
xxxoo
No exciting news on my end. My ex found God (again). He always finds him in prison, but he always seems to leave him there when he gets out. He's been sending cards to his son. After much cajoling from me. Not sure if that's good or bad but it is what it is. It makes my son VERY EXCITED to get a card from daddy. It makes him feel happy and loved. So I guess it's good. No matter what the card actually says (usually it's some hogwash about what they are going to do when he gets out of jail) I always tell my son that the card says:
"I love you very much. I am sorry I cannot be with you but I will see you when I can. Be good and listen to your mommy."
That way my son has no false expectations. When he gets older and can actually read, he can determine for himself whether his father ever followed though on his promises.
As far as my life goes, I'm dating (!!) a new guy. He's an old friend. I've known him for years. He knows about the situation with Andrews dad. He has a daughter the same age as my son. They've played together since they were babies.
Anyway... so the story goes.
Hang in there Ray. Keep posting and don't be a stranger. Once YOU hit bottom, you can stop digging and the only way you'll go is up. Same for you kids. Damage control, I always say...
xxxoo
Thanks Japic and Kitty!
This is just like my AH. In jail a few times, and after 3 rehabs and prison, my AH always finds God in those times, but as soon as he gets out, he loses him
again. When he got out of trouble way back in the beginning with just
orders to complete the 1yr Christian rehab and probation, he was really into
"God" and doing right. That year was the best year in our marriage. The
ones who had been there awhile would go to area churches where they were
invited and give their testimonies. It was awesome to see God working.
But, it only took about 3 months out of the program to lose him again and
find his way back to meth. Same for all the rehabs and prisons. Its a sad
cycle.
I'm feeling a little better today. He thinks things will just be ok like always... after I get mad, he'll say all the right things, blah blah blah.
But their not. I just don't have it in me to care anymore. Him staying out the past 2 weekends and spending most of his little bitty paycheck (like 20 hrs)
on meth while I struggle to pay my kids locker fees, club fees, etc, all the back to school stuff... it just gets me angry to the point I'm just done.
Now I just got to work my way into a plan. Cause I've asked him to leave
and he just won't. His PO is no help, I called and left him a message 2 wks
ago and haven't heard back. He gets off parole/probation the end of the month. Since they've drug tested him and he's passed the past few times I guess they really can't do anything now. I shouldn't have waited this long to do something. Anyway, thats my update.
Hope everyone has a good night!
again. When he got out of trouble way back in the beginning with just
orders to complete the 1yr Christian rehab and probation, he was really into
"God" and doing right. That year was the best year in our marriage. The
ones who had been there awhile would go to area churches where they were
invited and give their testimonies. It was awesome to see God working.
But, it only took about 3 months out of the program to lose him again and
find his way back to meth. Same for all the rehabs and prisons. Its a sad
cycle.
I'm feeling a little better today. He thinks things will just be ok like always... after I get mad, he'll say all the right things, blah blah blah.
But their not. I just don't have it in me to care anymore. Him staying out the past 2 weekends and spending most of his little bitty paycheck (like 20 hrs)
on meth while I struggle to pay my kids locker fees, club fees, etc, all the back to school stuff... it just gets me angry to the point I'm just done.
Now I just got to work my way into a plan. Cause I've asked him to leave
and he just won't. His PO is no help, I called and left him a message 2 wks
ago and haven't heard back. He gets off parole/probation the end of the month. Since they've drug tested him and he's passed the past few times I guess they really can't do anything now. I shouldn't have waited this long to do something. Anyway, thats my update.
Hope everyone has a good night!
Hi All,
Ray, my heart just aches for you. How well I know what you are going through. The rocking chair is fired up and rocking.....
All I can tell you is that you will just know when you just can't take it anymore. When "the pain of leaving is less than the pain of staying."
To this day, it breaks my heart to see the love of my life beaten down, skinny, mostly toothless, with a very precarious grip on sobriety. This was the handsome, loving man, the love of my life, that I lived with, loved with and laughed with for thirty years. BUT, I am happier than I have been in decades. Living with that constant fear and anger left me beaten....without faith, without hope and without joy. Now, I have all three back in my life. The sadness, I am afraid, will last a long, long time, but now there is a whole other side of my life that is joyous, uplifted and full of gratitude for every day.
I am sending all the positive energy I can come up with.
We are here to listen, understand and encourage.
Sending soothing, loving hugs,
Babs
Ray, my heart just aches for you. How well I know what you are going through. The rocking chair is fired up and rocking.....
All I can tell you is that you will just know when you just can't take it anymore. When "the pain of leaving is less than the pain of staying."
To this day, it breaks my heart to see the love of my life beaten down, skinny, mostly toothless, with a very precarious grip on sobriety. This was the handsome, loving man, the love of my life, that I lived with, loved with and laughed with for thirty years. BUT, I am happier than I have been in decades. Living with that constant fear and anger left me beaten....without faith, without hope and without joy. Now, I have all three back in my life. The sadness, I am afraid, will last a long, long time, but now there is a whole other side of my life that is joyous, uplifted and full of gratitude for every day.
I am sending all the positive energy I can come up with.
We are here to listen, understand and encourage.
Sending soothing, loving hugs,
Babs
I am so ready for the rocking chair! Thank you! Can we all just sit here and rock for a few hours..... no worries, no cares.
You nailed it Babs. That's where I am... without faith, without hope and without joy. Oh, I still believe in God and know he'll see me though this, but I'm so miserable I've lost faith AH will ever change. My hope and my joy are gone because things are so miserable here. I just so wish I could turn back the clock and do things differently while he was in prison, and not have let him come back. But, I needed to try this last time, (why, why, why??).
You nailed it Babs. That's where I am... without faith, without hope and without joy. Oh, I still believe in God and know he'll see me though this, but I'm so miserable I've lost faith AH will ever change. My hope and my joy are gone because things are so miserable here. I just so wish I could turn back the clock and do things differently while he was in prison, and not have let him come back. But, I needed to try this last time, (why, why, why??).
I guess, in our hearts, we have to know that we tried absolutely everything for them. Then it becomes about us.
It isn't about keeping him OUT of your life. It is about keeping peace and sanity IN your life. I can open my front door now without being afraid of what I am going to find. I can toss my purse on the dresser and know that it is still going to be there in the morning. I can open a bank statement and not find that there were large withdrawals that I didn't know about. I can answer the phone and not have it be bill collectors or those dreaded collect calls.
There are three things that should be a part of love.....admiration, respect and trust. Without those things.....it isn't love. I am afraid that being in "love" with an addict means that we give, they take, and we get taken.
It isn't about keeping him OUT of your life. It is about keeping peace and sanity IN your life. I can open my front door now without being afraid of what I am going to find. I can toss my purse on the dresser and know that it is still going to be there in the morning. I can open a bank statement and not find that there were large withdrawals that I didn't know about. I can answer the phone and not have it be bill collectors or those dreaded collect calls.
There are three things that should be a part of love.....admiration, respect and trust. Without those things.....it isn't love. I am afraid that being in "love" with an addict means that we give, they take, and we get taken.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: wisconsin
Posts: 123
well my ex boyfriend of 3 yrs got out of prison here a week ago and the first thing his sisters do is take him out to the bars and they all got wasted???? wow what support? they dont think he will have any problems with alcohol since his doc is crack.he drank a case and more that night from what i heard.. they dont see any correlation between his addivtion and drinking? stupid!!! his real dad died of alcoholism and all his uncles DUHHH?? i dont know i get so fustrated, im glad im not his girlfriend anymore but i would like to still be his friend, he has none..it just saddens me to see what may become of his life now...he is off of probation now and he is enjoying his freedom,,i tried to convince him that alcohol will be his next addiction but he wont listen to me...he says i have no faith in him and he is going to stick by the people who has had his back(his family) yea right they are the first ones to throw himaway as soon as he getsin trouble who does he call?? ME. i dont know maybe he can do it, but from what i have seen so far, im not impressed.. how many go back to thier doc or substitute alcohol instead of working on themselves? im thinking its just a matter of time before he falls again..
:ghug2
Sorry you're going thru this, Dogged. Its so hard just standing back and letting them make their choices (wrong ones), and letting them fall. Just my opinion, but from alot of posts I've read here, the alcohol will usually lead them back to their doc ... in a matter of time. Maybe he'll be different. I know its hard making the transition from prison back to a "normal" life. Hopefully, with a little time, he'll want to do things differently and
work his recovery. If not, your recovery is shining, you'll know how to handle it.
Come rock in "Babs" rocking chairs for a while. We'll forget about our problems for a while!
Sorry you're going thru this, Dogged. Its so hard just standing back and letting them make their choices (wrong ones), and letting them fall. Just my opinion, but from alot of posts I've read here, the alcohol will usually lead them back to their doc ... in a matter of time. Maybe he'll be different. I know its hard making the transition from prison back to a "normal" life. Hopefully, with a little time, he'll want to do things differently and
work his recovery. If not, your recovery is shining, you'll know how to handle it.
Come rock in "Babs" rocking chairs for a while. We'll forget about our problems for a while!
((dogged))
prayers for you -
hate to hear about ex - from my e, s, & h, with the addicts/alcoholics in my life - it doesn't sound very promising either.
Climb in "Babs" rocking chair & I'll let you borrow my fluffy soft Pink blankee to comfort you as you feel the hurt, disappointment and pains.
Please always remember we are here to walk along side you as you walk your own path to living Happy, Joyous and Free.
HUGS,
Rita
prayers for you -
hate to hear about ex - from my e, s, & h, with the addicts/alcoholics in my life - it doesn't sound very promising either.
Climb in "Babs" rocking chair & I'll let you borrow my fluffy soft Pink blankee to comfort you as you feel the hurt, disappointment and pains.
Please always remember we are here to walk along side you as you walk your own path to living Happy, Joyous and Free.
HUGS,
Rita
Rock, rock, rock.....
For me, sometimes the only thing that really helped was having someone hold me and speak tenderly to me and remind me that it was NOT MY FAULT!
Thank God for our SR/Al-anon/Nar-anon friends! They are the circle of love surrounding us....they carry us when we are weak and sing with us when we are strong. They share our ups and downs, our sorrows and our triumphs. They get sad with us, mad with us and glad with us......depending on the day.
This is one fight, we are all in together! I love you guys.
Babs
For me, sometimes the only thing that really helped was having someone hold me and speak tenderly to me and remind me that it was NOT MY FAULT!
Thank God for our SR/Al-anon/Nar-anon friends! They are the circle of love surrounding us....they carry us when we are weak and sing with us when we are strong. They share our ups and downs, our sorrows and our triumphs. They get sad with us, mad with us and glad with us......depending on the day.
This is one fight, we are all in together! I love you guys.
Babs
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: wisconsin
Posts: 123
thanks!!! its nice to feel the support, even though im not with him i still care about him and what happens to him...i think im the only one who tells it like it is to him.. i really like this prison forum..its nice to know that others know exacly what your going through...man all you do is wait,wait some more and wait again to see if they will get it someday.. all i can say is that i am done waiting ill watch from a distance and be there if he really needs help , but im not enabling, the bank closed down along time ago...
i hope everyone else has rays of sunshine in thier little corner of thier world,and has the serenity we all deserve and hope to achieve...
god bless you all....:day4
i hope everyone else has rays of sunshine in thier little corner of thier world,and has the serenity we all deserve and hope to achieve...
god bless you all....:day4
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Hi all. I just need to vent today. It's been a rough week. I have a sinus infection and it feels like my eyeball is about to pop out of my head. I have a torn rotator cuff in my shoulder and yesterday I got a shot of cortisone in it and it HURTS LIKE HELL right now. It makes me feel like throwing my arms up in my air and crying (but I can't move my arm so I'll just cry.) I don't have two cents to rub together for the next week and a half. I don't have enough gas to last the week. I'm supposed to be throwing a baby shower for a friend of mine this weekend. How the heck am I going to finance it.
Anyway, I know that all this is not my ex's fault. But if he was a more worthwhile person, he could contribute financially and I wouldn't have ALL THIS STRESS. It pisses me off.
Anyway. It is what it is. There's nothing more I can do besides what I'm doing right now. But it's just a little ovewhelming this morning. Grrrrr.
Anyway, I know that all this is not my ex's fault. But if he was a more worthwhile person, he could contribute financially and I wouldn't have ALL THIS STRESS. It pisses me off.
Anyway. It is what it is. There's nothing more I can do besides what I'm doing right now. But it's just a little ovewhelming this morning. Grrrrr.
Hi Kitty,
Sending prayers for healing for you too!
I know how much the financial part hurts when we're left to struggle because someone else can't be responsible. Not really any advice, I'm broker than a convict, too. LOL ... they actually probably have more $$ on their account than I do at the moment. I have overdraft protection on my overdraft protection at the bank I bank with. It costs $35 to use up to $350 and has to be paid back within 15 days. Sort of like a payday loan. I try not to use but in extreme emergencies... I've had to use twice this year so far.
Sending HUGS to you.
Sending prayers for healing for you too!
I know how much the financial part hurts when we're left to struggle because someone else can't be responsible. Not really any advice, I'm broker than a convict, too. LOL ... they actually probably have more $$ on their account than I do at the moment. I have overdraft protection on my overdraft protection at the bank I bank with. It costs $35 to use up to $350 and has to be paid back within 15 days. Sort of like a payday loan. I try not to use but in extreme emergencies... I've had to use twice this year so far.
Sending HUGS to you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Anyone want to check in?
My ex is out in a month. He's up to the same old tricks already. He's telling his friend not to tell me when he gets out or where he's staying when he gets out but then he send me letters saying he is going to rehab as soon as he gets out and sends letters to his little boy telling him that Daddy loves him and will see him soon.
His mother told me that he is moving in with his girlfriend (?). I GUESS she is a recovering meth addict. She is the same one he was living with and using with the last time he got out, so I don't know how truly "recovering" she is. Apparently D sent her a couple pictures of my son that I had sent to him per his request. She keeps them in frames by her bed and told his mom that she is looking forward to meeting my son and helping take care of him! She must be insane to think I would ever let my son spend time with his dad without my supervision.
So anyway, this feels very much like "deja vu" to me. I'm already hoping he gets arrested again and goes back to jail... or worse. I would really like some $$ for food or to help take care of my son, but I am forcing myself not to dwell on my wishful thinking and instead look at the reality of the situation.
He is a drug addict with a long criminal history. He is still associating with drug addicts. He has not plan to go to treatment when he gets out because he still "thinks" he can do it on his own...
Anyone want to place a bet on how long he stays clean?
I just hope and pray he doesn't try to come over or contact us. The drama is just too much for me. I am praying for the day that the economy improves so that I can sell my condo and leave no forwarding address...
My ex is out in a month. He's up to the same old tricks already. He's telling his friend not to tell me when he gets out or where he's staying when he gets out but then he send me letters saying he is going to rehab as soon as he gets out and sends letters to his little boy telling him that Daddy loves him and will see him soon.
His mother told me that he is moving in with his girlfriend (?). I GUESS she is a recovering meth addict. She is the same one he was living with and using with the last time he got out, so I don't know how truly "recovering" she is. Apparently D sent her a couple pictures of my son that I had sent to him per his request. She keeps them in frames by her bed and told his mom that she is looking forward to meeting my son and helping take care of him! She must be insane to think I would ever let my son spend time with his dad without my supervision.
So anyway, this feels very much like "deja vu" to me. I'm already hoping he gets arrested again and goes back to jail... or worse. I would really like some $$ for food or to help take care of my son, but I am forcing myself not to dwell on my wishful thinking and instead look at the reality of the situation.
He is a drug addict with a long criminal history. He is still associating with drug addicts. He has not plan to go to treatment when he gets out because he still "thinks" he can do it on his own...
Anyone want to place a bet on how long he stays clean?
I just hope and pray he doesn't try to come over or contact us. The drama is just too much for me. I am praying for the day that the economy improves so that I can sell my condo and leave no forwarding address...
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