Anxiety plus
 

My AS son just showed up at work, very angry over the fact we charged him. I told him consider himself lucky because we hadn't charged him before. I could not believe it he said " oh mom you know that big file you had on me I threw it in the garbage" For three years I photocopied every cheque and credit card and itemized lists over what he had taken over $30,000.00 worth. It was kept in my private filing cabinet. He told me he took it upon himself to toss it out 6 months ago. He also let me know in so many words all the nites I thought my spouse was working that he wasnt he was somewhere else. He then said "stupid mom so naive and told me to figure it out. I told him to get the h....llll out of here. He left smiling and said "boy mom your in for a shock???' My stomach is in knots. Dont know what hes talking about but he certainly sounded sincere. Truly my nerves are shot and what was he implying.?? He then said " oh ya mom thanks for the charge, but when you find something out you will also be a very lonely women you shouldnt have done that too me." and then he said " poor dad guess he cant have his cake and eat it too" What really struck me odd was he said" all the nite I thought my spouse was working" When he slammed out the door he said check dads cell phone bills. Was he implying an affair? I dont know how to handle any of this. He also said trust me mom youll soon find out Im not the only liar in the family.

When my daughter was younger and did not get what she wanted, she would sometimes use something that I did against me to my husband. It really hurt that things I told her in confidence would be used against me. The problem with keeping secrets is that they always come out. You may find that your husband has kept secrets from you or it just may be your son's way of trying to get back at you. Either way it is immature and very hurtful of him to do it the way he did. I hope that it is nothing except him trying to get back at you (even though that is bad enough). And I am sorry that he is doing this and that he is hurting you. Hugs, Marle

Katie, so sorry, that is so hurtful and cruel....there may or may not be truth to it..but I have been following your journey and you are such a strong and positive woman that whatever follows , you will find your way through...my love and prayers for you as you move through the next few days....

The only thing I know for certain is don't ask if you aren't ready for a possible negative answer. You are the only one who knows what you can handle right now.

If wondering causes you more anxiety than the worst answer you could get, then ask him if it will bring you relief. If snooping brings you relief, even though the answer may not be good, then do it. If burying your head in the sand works, do that. Do whatever causes you the least amount of pain and anxiety for this day. One day at a time.

I'm so sorry your son did this to you. It's flat out evil and I can't imagine your pain.

Are most addicts this vindictive? My son the clean was was such a nice kid. A totally different person. Right now I really dont want to ask any questions. I cant Im just not up to hearing anymore negative crap (if there is). Lately I am so tired and burnt out that I feel like putting my head in a sand pile. I will in time ask but not today thats for sure. What a vindictful nasty person he is.

(((Katie)))

When we addicts are active, we will do whatever we can think of to throw the heat off of us. He is being vindictive because he's mad that he's having to face consequences. It's an immature response....like when a child throws a temper tantrum because they're told "no". Unfortunately, he knows how to push the buttons in you that hurt the worst.

As far as your husband, I don't have any advice...never been in that situation, but those above me have given some good answers.

Take a deep breath, and take care of you. You can't control what anyone else does, but you can control what you do...and doing what's best for YOU is always right.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Addicts are mean, vindictive, and don't care about anyone.:a043:

Sorry your son hurt you so badly.
prayers,
susan

divide and conquer technique.

if he can divide you and your husband, then he has conquered you.

dont let him.

his disease really hates you. NOT him.

I'm so sorry that he hurt you in this way...Addiction turns our loved ones into people we don't know, but once they find recovery, we can find the loved one beneath the mask of active use.
My daughter used heroin and crack. Both are horrible of course but I actually got to a point where I thought, please if she has to use, let her go with an opiate. Crack turned a very sensitive, loving caring girl into a mean and ruthless monster. I understand how hurt you must feel.