Hopeing I did the right thing
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
June 27? What do you think may change between now and then? Him?
Sweetie, my son loved deadlines...it always gave him more time to use in the comfort of my home. He never met a single deadline because...nothing we say or don't say, nothing we do or don't do, not all the mother's love or deadlines in the world will change his addiction. Only he can do that and he won't until he is ready...no matter what.
My concern is how close to "getting physical" this has been for you. One of these times he won't hold back. I volunteered with abused women for years and most of them had plenty of warning of what was to come, they just didn't believe it would happen. Trust me, it happens.
Please keep yourself and your child safe. Your mom has some good thoughts there, maybe just trust her experience until you can find a more balanced place for yourself and your child.
Saying prayers for all of you, addiction is truly a family disease.
Hugs
Sweetie, my son loved deadlines...it always gave him more time to use in the comfort of my home. He never met a single deadline because...nothing we say or don't say, nothing we do or don't do, not all the mother's love or deadlines in the world will change his addiction. Only he can do that and he won't until he is ready...no matter what.
My concern is how close to "getting physical" this has been for you. One of these times he won't hold back. I volunteered with abused women for years and most of them had plenty of warning of what was to come, they just didn't believe it would happen. Trust me, it happens.
Please keep yourself and your child safe. Your mom has some good thoughts there, maybe just trust her experience until you can find a more balanced place for yourself and your child.
Saying prayers for all of you, addiction is truly a family disease.
Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Virginia , US
Posts: 98
Sorry its taken me a little bit to respond. Been busy . I did read the posts and just took some time to think about every thing. I know all of your are right. Im still in a kind of denial thow. I know deep down that you guys are right but still I keep hanging on and hoping that things will change. Anyways I did get a councler/therapist... ABF will be going to . I told him it was his choice. We will see. Im going to the first app. by myself. I want to be able to talk to the therapist without any influence there to cuase me to sugar coat anything. ABF is still trying to use this as a form of manupiltion. Like he said If I do this then you need to leave me alone and get off of my back. He did say that if the addiction was brought up that he would get up and walk out. I told him fair enough. Of course I lied.......... I dont think he will get up and walk out. And if he does thats his problem I will just continue to work on me and he can go on his marry way. This is my last ditch effert at trying to save the relationship. We will see.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and walks like a duck, chances are it's a duck.
Deadlines were worthless, both with my addicted husband, and with my addicted oldest daughter.
Today, I choose to live without an active addict and/or alcoholic in my life.
Deadlines were worthless, both with my addicted husband, and with my addicted oldest daughter.
Today, I choose to live without an active addict and/or alcoholic in my life.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 17
Katy, hon....don't feel pressured to do anything until you're truly good and ready to. You're floundering around right now in this big huge whirlpool of emotions, thoughts and feelings. All of this is a lot to come to grips with. And just as you're the only one that can make decisions in this situation (for you and the baby) you're also the one that has to live all this on a daily basis.
It's easy for me to sit here and say, "Leave." I've done it and I know how difficult it is to come to that decision. *I* won't pressure you to leave. I hope my posts just helped to clarify a few things for you.
Many others here including myself, have chosen not to live with an addict. And it's human nature and how the brain works that we can't always remember *exactly* how it felt when we were in it. We just know it was bad and no way to live and sometimes we push too hard. That's the last thing you need is more pressure.
Getting a therapist is a big step in the right direction. *He* is going to use it as a manipulation but that's ok. Cause as you said, even if he won't continue to go you will...for yourself. And that's the fine art of detachment and controlling something you *can* control. Good job!
It's easy for me to sit here and say, "Leave." I've done it and I know how difficult it is to come to that decision. *I* won't pressure you to leave. I hope my posts just helped to clarify a few things for you.
Many others here including myself, have chosen not to live with an addict. And it's human nature and how the brain works that we can't always remember *exactly* how it felt when we were in it. We just know it was bad and no way to live and sometimes we push too hard. That's the last thing you need is more pressure.
Getting a therapist is a big step in the right direction. *He* is going to use it as a manipulation but that's ok. Cause as you said, even if he won't continue to go you will...for yourself. And that's the fine art of detachment and controlling something you *can* control. Good job!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 17
Originally Posted by Freedom1990 
If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and walks like a duck, chances are it's a duck.
Deadlines were worthless, both with my addicted husband, and with my addicted oldest daughter.
Today, I choose to live without an active addict and/or alcoholic in my life.
Deadlines were worthless, both with my addicted husband, and with my addicted oldest daughter.
Today, I choose to live without an active addict and/or alcoholic in my life.
Something I learned was that when taking a stand and detaching we have to take it one day at a time just as an addict takes their sobriety one day at a time.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Originally Posted by katiedid79
He did say that if the addiction was brought up that he would get up and walk out.
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