biocat

I know this is probably not part of the path of recovery, but I feel compelled to ask my bf to take a drug test. He has been really great since he got back from jail. Said he doesn't want me and the baby out of his life, so he decided to straighten up. I'm just getting that feeling - you know the one that makes you want to dig for dirt. Sniffles, eyes aren't quite right - maybe I'm imagining it. I should know by now not to doubt my instincts, but he has been so wonderful that I want to be wrong.

Anyway, just wondering what yall think about asking your A to take a drug test. Is there any way to do this without offending? I don't want to insult him if he is on the right path, but then again, it's his own fault that I don't trust him. He did many things to break the trust, shouldn't he have to do some things to rebuild it?

marle

I have found that testing does not work because even though they may test clean, it only gives you peace for the second that you test. And what are you prepared to do if he tests positive. My daughter found ways to beat the test and when she did test positive she always had an excuse and I wanted so badly to believe it that I did Listen to your gut, mine has never been wrong. Hugs, Marle

biocat

Mine has never been wrong either. :-)

parentrecovers

we did them on my daughter. but marle is right. if they come back positive for drugs - then what?

hugs, k

Impurrfect

Drug tests aren't foolproof. I did one on a crack addict in the ER, who told me he'd smoked it just a few hours before, and it came back negative. When I was actively using, I knew how long to stop to test clean.

I agree with Marle....go with your gut. Every time I've NOT trusted my gut, I just went through a lot of stress or heartache, then found out I was right all along.

I can understand you WANT to trust him, but you don't....and there's nothing wrong with that. I always say, go by their actions...is he showing any other behaviors that he had when he was using? In the meantime, you may want to think about the fact that this, unfortunately, is what it's like to have an addict in your life. Relapse is always a possibility. For me, it makes me work harder at recovery.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

marle

I remember one time when I took my daughter's dog and told her she could have him back if she would take a drug test. Well about three days after I took him, she called me at 8:00 in the morning at the place that I work and demanded that I come home immediately and give her that test. She sounded so desperate and looking back now I know that she had probably not used for the 3 days it takes to test clean but she was jonesing something awful. Looking back I also know that I should have just trusted my gut because all the other signs were there. I ended up not giving her the test and giving her the dog back. I later took the dog when it looked like she was starting to neglect him and I still have him and have never regretted taking him. And I did not need a drug test that time to know that she was using. Hugs, Marle

splendra

I think when we feel like snooping and digging our instincts are yelling at us and we are trying to prove them wrong.

I can still feel the stinging in my gut from the snooping I did and I quit about 4 years ago.

My H was in court ordered rehab and was being tested every week at random as well and he still managed to get high.

biocat

This made me chuckle because I can totally hear this "joke" coming from my bf and then see that evil grin on his face. He thinks it's all a big joke - smoking crack, snorting heroin.

biocat

While I'm asking questions . . . Any idea what one might be doing with little 2" squares of PAPER? Foil I got, but paper? He keeps tearing 2" squares out the newspaper insert.

bluebelle

I had friends suggest I drug test AH, but I decided that I didn't want our relationship to go that direction. I don't want to become his warden. As others have said, I don't think it would ease my suspicions. I would start thinking that he was beating the drug test, etc. I have no idea what the 2" squares would be for.

sailorjohn

Sounds like making up packets. I thought about pulling a hair from the ex and sending it out to be tested, but what would be the point? I've heard it many times over and over again and I believe it to be absolutely true. Our gut tells us something, we get in these relationships and turn off our common sense or just simply learn how to ignore it. Maybe deep down you know what he's doing but the truth is too painful to deal with? The path of recovery can be pretty convoluted, don't be hard on yourself.

biocat

What do you mean "making up packets"?

biocat

What, so you can carry it around? Have dope, will travel?

sailorjohn

so you can sell it

biocat

I'm embarrassed to say this, but I know I'm not the only one who's looked in the trash . . . The squares are coming out of a magazine in his bathroom, then getting wadded up and going in the trash.

wooforever

My gut has not never been wrong. Just trust yours.

sailorjohn

No need to be embarrassed, I know myself I've done things to attempt to control her that I am absolutely unable to talk about. You twist yourself up into knots, partly-maybe completely-to avoid the pain that you're feeling, then afterwards have to deal with both the pain and the shame. But they tell me there's a way out.

jehnifer

biocat- have you asked him about these squares of magazine paper?

biocat

no - never asked because then i would be busted snooping

ex D-Boy

its not normal to be tearing out Inches of newspaper at a time DAILY. esp making sure that each piece is an inch.

Most likely he is putting dope (Heroin) in it to sell. Heroin only comes in wax paper, little balloons or those little pieces of paper folded together.

You shouldn't worry about being busted for snooping, most likely hes doing something shady and needs to be called out on. Hell, my mom was NEVER afraid to be called out by me for tearing apart my entire room and all my things looking for dope or needles or whatever. LoL