update - one year later...
turning red!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: hong kong
Posts: 254
update - one year later...
Dear Friends,
It's indeed been at least a year i haven't come here. I have been thinking of all of you though but i guess i needed a break.
Lots of things happened to me since, and i'll try to summarize:
Rain, my abf, went to France for 3 months last summer to try get control of his life and body again. It was good for both of us to take a break(eventhough we kept in touch everyday)
He did well,and came back to Hong Kong rejunivated.
And now is the big news: i guess we were both excited to see each others and well...i got pregnant!! It was not planned and it was a BIG surprise as it happened so quickly (basically within few days of his return) and also we only had "risky relation" twice!! Anyway, it was meant to be i guess and we are both very happy about it.
So, things were great: Rain came back clean and happy, i got pregnant and it's a start for a 'happy forever after' - right?? Yeah right....Not when it involves an addict...
Rain relapsed in January. He was clean for 7 months. Since his return he's been struggling to find a steady job (he was doing freelance work mostly) partly because he now has a "reputation" of being an addict. Hong Kong is small and the designer jobs even smaller...people talk... Anyway this + no money + stress of being a daddy soon triggered it.
In February he got arrested with possession of a serynge and his current DOC: some medicine mixed with heroin (not sure what it is but basically he is not using pure heroin, his DOC, just because he doesn't have the money for it).
Last week he went to the court and was ordered to see a probation officer to make a report. We will both go to see the officer tomorrow morning. She wants to see him alone first + me alone + both together.
He needs to go back to court on 10/04 with this report.
Ok so that was the situation to date. Now, as for me, you can imagine the emotional state i've been through, being pregnant and all...
It's not been all bad during the last months, some days were better than others and Rain is very loving to me and kissing/talking to my tummy. I can tell he is already much in love with his daughter (yes, it's a girl!) and he wants nothing more but to be clean to welcome her to the world. but he is struggling, men is he struggling...He's been struggling with this for 15 years now! So sad.
Anyway, some days are good, some days are very bad (i've seen him in very bad state sometimes and i have been VERY scared for his life). I take it day by day, right?
To take care of myself, i have been on holidays with a girlfriend. I went to Thailand and showed off my beautiful tummy, went swimming, eating etc..It was great.
So, my friends, i won't say i didn't see it coming. I knew that being involved with him meant struggles along the way but i always have hope it'll get better. Maybe i'm naive but well that's my choice.
Whatever happens next, i'll have no regrets, that's one thing i'm sure of.
Hugs
Carine
It's indeed been at least a year i haven't come here. I have been thinking of all of you though but i guess i needed a break.
Lots of things happened to me since, and i'll try to summarize:
Rain, my abf, went to France for 3 months last summer to try get control of his life and body again. It was good for both of us to take a break(eventhough we kept in touch everyday)
He did well,and came back to Hong Kong rejunivated.
And now is the big news: i guess we were both excited to see each others and well...i got pregnant!! It was not planned and it was a BIG surprise as it happened so quickly (basically within few days of his return) and also we only had "risky relation" twice!! Anyway, it was meant to be i guess and we are both very happy about it.
So, things were great: Rain came back clean and happy, i got pregnant and it's a start for a 'happy forever after' - right?? Yeah right....Not when it involves an addict...
Rain relapsed in January. He was clean for 7 months. Since his return he's been struggling to find a steady job (he was doing freelance work mostly) partly because he now has a "reputation" of being an addict. Hong Kong is small and the designer jobs even smaller...people talk... Anyway this + no money + stress of being a daddy soon triggered it.
In February he got arrested with possession of a serynge and his current DOC: some medicine mixed with heroin (not sure what it is but basically he is not using pure heroin, his DOC, just because he doesn't have the money for it).
Last week he went to the court and was ordered to see a probation officer to make a report. We will both go to see the officer tomorrow morning. She wants to see him alone first + me alone + both together.
He needs to go back to court on 10/04 with this report.
Ok so that was the situation to date. Now, as for me, you can imagine the emotional state i've been through, being pregnant and all...
It's not been all bad during the last months, some days were better than others and Rain is very loving to me and kissing/talking to my tummy. I can tell he is already much in love with his daughter (yes, it's a girl!) and he wants nothing more but to be clean to welcome her to the world. but he is struggling, men is he struggling...He's been struggling with this for 15 years now! So sad.
Anyway, some days are good, some days are very bad (i've seen him in very bad state sometimes and i have been VERY scared for his life). I take it day by day, right?
To take care of myself, i have been on holidays with a girlfriend. I went to Thailand and showed off my beautiful tummy, went swimming, eating etc..It was great.
So, my friends, i won't say i didn't see it coming. I knew that being involved with him meant struggles along the way but i always have hope it'll get better. Maybe i'm naive but well that's my choice.
Whatever happens next, i'll have no regrets, that's one thing i'm sure of.
Hugs
Carine
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
it is good to see you. i am sorry about rains relapse. i wish he could have made it. maybe this time he will. a little bundle of joy you are having.congrats on the baby. keep coming back & let us know how u r. prayers for you both & the baby.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: homebased
Posts: 408
I was so happy to see your post...
I always think about those not posting any longer and add a wish that they are doing well....
despite the struggles, your post sounds positive and hopeful....
congratulations on the new baby...
my prayers that Rain will find the strength and determination to choose recovery and stay committed to it
I know you have the recovery tools to keep the focus on you and the baby
(((many blessings)))
thank you for sharing....
I always think about those not posting any longer and add a wish that they are doing well....
despite the struggles, your post sounds positive and hopeful....
congratulations on the new baby...
my prayers that Rain will find the strength and determination to choose recovery and stay committed to it
I know you have the recovery tools to keep the focus on you and the baby
(((many blessings)))
thank you for sharing....
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Carine, We have missed you around here. Congratulations on the pregnancy. A little girl to love, huh. That is wonderful. Hopefully the courts will demand that Rain go through some longterm rehab and counselling and that will be what he needs to turn his life around so that he can be there for his daughter. Don't be a stranger. Hugs, Marle
Get Caught Reading
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410
((((((((((((Carine))))))))))))))
It's so good to hear from you! I've missed you alot. Congratulations! on your bundle of joy. I'm so happy for you. I know you'll be a great
mommy.
As for Rain...I'm sorry. Relapse is part of recovery, ya know? I pray he gets
back on the right track soon and starts healing again. Marle may be right.
If the court could appoint him to inpatient rehab, he may have a better chance at recovery without relapse. My son had a few relapses of his own before he finally got it. He's doing better, btw. Not using illegal drugs, but still struggling with finding himself. I really wish he were in a recovery program. Even meetings would help him, I think. He's being medicated now for bi-polar disorder. He has his good days and his bad days. As for me...
I still fight the codie demon once in a while, but it is what it is. I'm much better for it by being here among friends and people who understand.
I've really missed ya, Funk, and I'm glad you came on for an update.
Continue to share here. Ya know we love ya and can't wait to see pictures of that soon-to-be gorgeous baby girl. Now I have to go shopping for cyber gifts for a new baby.
Love ya,
Linda
It's so good to hear from you! I've missed you alot. Congratulations! on your bundle of joy. I'm so happy for you. I know you'll be a great
mommy.
As for Rain...I'm sorry. Relapse is part of recovery, ya know? I pray he gets
back on the right track soon and starts healing again. Marle may be right.
If the court could appoint him to inpatient rehab, he may have a better chance at recovery without relapse. My son had a few relapses of his own before he finally got it. He's doing better, btw. Not using illegal drugs, but still struggling with finding himself. I really wish he were in a recovery program. Even meetings would help him, I think. He's being medicated now for bi-polar disorder. He has his good days and his bad days. As for me...
I still fight the codie demon once in a while, but it is what it is. I'm much better for it by being here among friends and people who understand.
I've really missed ya, Funk, and I'm glad you came on for an update.
Continue to share here. Ya know we love ya and can't wait to see pictures of that soon-to-be gorgeous baby girl. Now I have to go shopping for cyber gifts for a new baby.
Love ya,
Linda
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: NJ
Posts: 702
(((Carine)))
I alway think of you and pray that things are going well for you. I am so happy to hear you are going to be a mum. You sound both strong and happy.
I am saying extra prayers for Rain, that he gets the help he needs so he will be there for his little girl.
Please keep us posted on how you are doing, and how things go with Rain when he goes back to court.
You have been missed, please don't stay away for so long.
Hugs coming to you,
(your other Mum)
I alway think of you and pray that things are going well for you. I am so happy to hear you are going to be a mum. You sound both strong and happy.
I am saying extra prayers for Rain, that he gets the help he needs so he will be there for his little girl.
Please keep us posted on how you are doing, and how things go with Rain when he goes back to court.
You have been missed, please don't stay away for so long.
Hugs coming to you,
(your other Mum)
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 2,126
Well....I guess it's time for me to tick some folks off again....lol Although I usually classify myself as a recovered alcoholic/addict, I have been on the other side, too.....dealt with both my parents alcoholism, and have had a number of relationships (both romantic and platonic) with alcoholics/addicts.
Today I wish to respond as my recovered alcoholic/addict self......I'm soooo tired of all the new fangled, fancy/schmancy, psycho-babble, bs (that's belief system, not the old bs) terms for excuses.....
Why did I drink/use.....? Well, of course I had a plethora of 'reasons' --- but were they really? Heck no, they were all excuses made up in retrospect.
....and today? Today it's all about 'triggers' --- hah, which to me, imnsho, is just another fancy term for excuses.....Yes things can trigger memories, or stress.....but they can't trigger actions....those come from the mind (the thought process; the choice to drink/use)....I have a stressful day; I drink/use.....the stressful day didn't trigger me to drink/use, it only gave me an excuse (in reterospect, if asked why I drank/used; I'd have a ready answer/reason/trigger.....it's just an excuse dressed up to be more palatable.....but a rose is a rose is a rose....and an excuse is an excuse is an excuse no matter how it's dressed-up.
And one other thing......... "...Relapse is part of recovery, ya know?..." NO, NO NO; relapse is NOT a part of RECOVERY; it's a part of the disease, the addiction, if you will. This is one of the first things my sponsor taught me. Telling an alcoholic/addict that relapse is a part of recovery is like giving them a ready-made excuse/reason/trigger (lol) to go back out and drink/use, and that just might kill them. ...and btw, most of my closest friends in recovery (myself included) are in recovery/recovered w/o any relapses.....it can be done.
Yes many folks do relapse, but at the time they've been slipping out of recovery back into their addiction for a time....they're not truly 'in recovery' any more; they're back in their disease/addiction.
OK y'all, you can lambast me now......I'm finished with my rant for the day.....and I feel so much better for it.... lol (o:
...and btw funkzter, I truly hope you're in Alanon, or some other support for YOU.....you may not be able to get rain clean/sober, but you can work on you; you're the most important person right now.....and your daughter soon enough..... (o:
NoelleR
Today I wish to respond as my recovered alcoholic/addict self......I'm soooo tired of all the new fangled, fancy/schmancy, psycho-babble, bs (that's belief system, not the old bs) terms for excuses.....
Why did I drink/use.....? Well, of course I had a plethora of 'reasons' --- but were they really? Heck no, they were all excuses made up in retrospect.
....and today? Today it's all about 'triggers' --- hah, which to me, imnsho, is just another fancy term for excuses.....Yes things can trigger memories, or stress.....but they can't trigger actions....those come from the mind (the thought process; the choice to drink/use)....I have a stressful day; I drink/use.....the stressful day didn't trigger me to drink/use, it only gave me an excuse (in reterospect, if asked why I drank/used; I'd have a ready answer/reason/trigger.....it's just an excuse dressed up to be more palatable.....but a rose is a rose is a rose....and an excuse is an excuse is an excuse no matter how it's dressed-up.
And one other thing......... "...Relapse is part of recovery, ya know?..." NO, NO NO; relapse is NOT a part of RECOVERY; it's a part of the disease, the addiction, if you will. This is one of the first things my sponsor taught me. Telling an alcoholic/addict that relapse is a part of recovery is like giving them a ready-made excuse/reason/trigger (lol) to go back out and drink/use, and that just might kill them. ...and btw, most of my closest friends in recovery (myself included) are in recovery/recovered w/o any relapses.....it can be done.
Yes many folks do relapse, but at the time they've been slipping out of recovery back into their addiction for a time....they're not truly 'in recovery' any more; they're back in their disease/addiction.
OK y'all, you can lambast me now......I'm finished with my rant for the day.....and I feel so much better for it.... lol (o:
...and btw funkzter, I truly hope you're in Alanon, or some other support for YOU.....you may not be able to get rain clean/sober, but you can work on you; you're the most important person right now.....and your daughter soon enough..... (o:
NoelleR
'Round and 'Round I Go....
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 478
(((Funky))):bounce
Wow! It has been a long time! I've wondered often what you've been up to. Congratulations to you! I'm sorry about Rain though. I understand how that feels. Relapse sucks but it is a reality. I'm glad you are pushing forward though and enjoying your pregnancy and your friends.
Wow! It has been a long time! I've wondered often what you've been up to. Congratulations to you! I'm sorry about Rain though. I understand how that feels. Relapse sucks but it is a reality. I'm glad you are pushing forward though and enjoying your pregnancy and your friends.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Cloud 9
Posts: 778
(((Carine))) I bet your just glowing! I am happy you are well. I have thought of you often. I am sorry Rain is still struggling. You are going to be such a wonderful mom. My cousin is giving birth tomorrow around 1:00 to her twin boys!! It's raining babies! Hope to see you around. So when is your due date? You know pictures & details are a must around here when the big day comes. I can hear all the codi-"aunts" knitting booties & blankies as I type!
Get Caught Reading
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410
Well....I guess it's time for me to tick some folks off again....lol
NoelleR,
Excuse me, but I was just pointing out that most addicts do
relapse at one time or another. They can still work on recovery.
I know it's a disease and it's also a process. Just because someone
slips doesn't mean they're not trying to quit drugs. What's with the rant
anyway? This thread was to show some joy and love to my friend Funkzter.
Then you gotta come in here with your top o' the line education on recovery, relapse, and addiction. Sor-ry.
Sorry, everyone. That just burns my a$$.
Apparently I don't know sh*t as far as recovery goes.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Hope Land
Posts: 666
So happy to here from you Carine...when is the bundle of joy due?
Sorry to hear about Rain's relaspse, hope you can focus more on yourself and the knew baby.
Hope you keep us posted...it was nice to here from you!
Rose
Sorry to hear about Rain's relaspse, hope you can focus more on yourself and the knew baby.
Hope you keep us posted...it was nice to here from you!
Rose
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: BIRMINGHAM, AL
Posts: 872
Funkzter, I have missed you. I am so happy that you are going to have a baby. Congrats! I really have thought about you often in your absence. Not alot to say about Rain except that I am sorry. When will they get it? Dont stay gone so long next time!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: BIRMINGHAM, AL
Posts: 872
Okay, I am not usually one to do this. I like to keep my nose clean and stay out of these things, but I choose not to this time.
First off I know this is a public forum where everyone has the right to speak their mind. I also know there is a very good "policy" of take what you like and leave the rest.
Funkzter plainly said she had been gone for about a year because she needed a break. If I need a break from something the last thing I want thrown in my face when I go back is a crap load of self righteousness. I think that attitude is completely unnecessary here. Funkzter came back to let her friends know how she was and what had been going on. Not to get a lecture. She has been going through this for a while and I think she knows what she is doing in her choices.
Not all addicts recover the same way, and everyone sees it differently. Just because your way works for you doesnt mean it works for everyone. I think you should step down off the soapbox and learn to appreciate the different views and different ESH shared here and not use someones first visit back after a year to throw your little tantrum!
Again Funkzter I missed you, dont stay gone so long this time!
First off I know this is a public forum where everyone has the right to speak their mind. I also know there is a very good "policy" of take what you like and leave the rest.
Funkzter plainly said she had been gone for about a year because she needed a break. If I need a break from something the last thing I want thrown in my face when I go back is a crap load of self righteousness. I think that attitude is completely unnecessary here. Funkzter came back to let her friends know how she was and what had been going on. Not to get a lecture. She has been going through this for a while and I think she knows what she is doing in her choices.
Not all addicts recover the same way, and everyone sees it differently. Just because your way works for you doesnt mean it works for everyone. I think you should step down off the soapbox and learn to appreciate the different views and different ESH shared here and not use someones first visit back after a year to throw your little tantrum!
Again Funkzter I missed you, dont stay gone so long this time!
Just plainly tired
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: crossroads
Posts: 2,834
Funk,
Welcome back I am so glad to hear from you. I know what your are going through now is not easy... I remember being pregnant with my son and his dad using. but I know you are a strong woman and will be okay.
Thanks for the update,
Jewelz
Welcome back I am so glad to hear from you. I know what your are going through now is not easy... I remember being pregnant with my son and his dad using. but I know you are a strong woman and will be okay.
Thanks for the update,
Jewelz
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: BIRMINGHAM, AL
Posts: 872
Book, I did not think there was anything wrong with what you said. My comment was not directed towards you.
I think most everyone here was doing the same thing you were, just trying to express to Carine how much we missed her.
I think most everyone here was doing the same thing you were, just trying to express to Carine how much we missed her.
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