obsessed

I have not posted in a couple of weeks...Things are the same I guess...Lauren finally kept the appointment to get the stitches out of her finger, I finally had to face it and look at it and it broke my heart!! But I realize how she did it and it makes me furious that she lost half of her index finger while cooking meth!!! I could just scream!!! I was looking at her prom picture her junior year 2 years ago and a picture that was taken at Christmas...and it looks like 2 different people and I have also accept that my 19 year old daughter is 2 words that I always feared....she keeps jumping guy to guy and it hurts me so bad. A plus to the last couple of weeks is my mother has stopped giving Lauren money...she is pissed at us but I am not doing without for somebody that does not and will not work. Oh, last Sunday I did go to where Lauren is staying and sorry to report but fixed her a little basket...sorry but for some reason I had too and it was just nasty!!! The roaches on the wall cut my visit very short!!! I just had to see it with my own eyes. I guess it made see Lauren the way I need to..an addict but I don't want to be an addicts mother!!! I know I have no choice....

marle

Try to remember that Lauren is sick and that the things that she is doing now is because of that sickness. Until she is ready to get help, she will continue to do things that will hurt you. If you don't want to know what she is becoming, then you really need to detach and stop having contact. Really is easier that way, although I know it breaks your heart to not see your little girl. Remember though that she is not that person right now. Hugs, Marle

LauraK

((((obsessed))))

You have been through so much with that girl, it really breaks MY heart...keep your chin up, and like I tell everyone else, read the "let me fall" thing again and again...our kids are not our kids when they're using, and it hurts like hell. I agree with Marle, you really need to detach from Lauren, at least for now...

caileesnana

Hi, wondered where you were!!

I am glad your mother is finally helping by not giving Lauren any money. I remember looking at the pictures, I went all the way back to the day my AD was born. Looking to find a clue, a look, a time when it all went wrong. I never could find it. I finally put all pictures of her away, except one. It is the way I choose to remember her, plus having the "shrine" in the house was way to depressing!

I too have gone to see my daughter, just for a glimpse that she was still alive. I too, like you, found she was living, but not alive. They are shells of the daughters we knew. THey are there, way way deep down. I know it broke your heart and I wish I could take some of that hurt...no mother should see or feel the things we have.

Know you are not alone and I pray for Lauren every day. I am glad she got her finger taken care of, I wished it would slow her down, but looks like she is still not ready to surrender.

God bless you, please keep in touch. I think of you often.
susan

hope213

i feel your pain because i know your pain. there is nothing we can do & it breaks my heart also. i try to keep my addict son out of my head & in my heart.that is how i get thru all of this. i hope our children find there miracle but until then take it one day at a time.hugs & prayers,

outtolunch

[QUOTE=caileesnana;1724174]

I remember looking at the pictures, I went all the way back to the day my AD was born. Looking to find a clue, a look, a time when it all went wrong. I never could find it. /QUOTE]


Oh yeah.....looking for a clue and never in a millions years......

mustang

I don't really know what to say when I see a post like this except my heart goes out to you. I cannot even imagine being in your shoes.

Serenity8

I completely understand about pictures; I look at my husband's pictures over the last couple of years and it's like his eyes are "dead" to me. I want to see where it turned over for him, you know?

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.

Ann

As painful as acceptance is, it's often a turning point in our recovery. We don't have to like it, but when we accept the reality that we can't help them, we often find a way to help ourselves, I know I did.

Maybe now would be a good time to try some meetings. It's a relief to have live support people right there where you can call one to go for a coffee or talk to when you find yourself pacing the floor.

My prayers go out for your daughter, that she finds a better path soon. She knows where help is and hopefully one day soon she'll reach out and find it.

Hugs

Impurrfect

((((obsessed)))

Thanks for checking in...I was wondering how you were doing.

I'm glad your mom isn't giving Lauren any money either. Personally, I don't think there's anything wrong with the basket you gave her. I figure that as long as I give someone something that isn't going to harm them, makes me feel good, and isn't given as a bribe, then it's okay.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Lobo

(((Obsessed)))

It sounds like you are trying to take care of yourself. She is not staying with you right now and that should help you by not having a front row seat to her destruction. I know the need to want to see them, just to want to see if they are really okay. I've been there many times. Although my daughter is off of the drugs right now and doing better she still has addict behavior. I just went through a bout of her drinking. She is trying to put a plan into place for moving out because her living here is just too hard on me. I think as long as she lives with me she will always take advantage of me in some way.
That is just what they do.

It is better when they are not so involved with us.
Take care of YOU.................Lo