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Looking for a little help!

Old 03-28-2008, 06:32 PM
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Looking for a little help!

Hi there, well not sure where to begin, as I am new to all of this, but I was told this might help me with the situation I am in. My husband is an addict, and is in recovery, he has been clean for 30 days.

But I find myself needing some help coping with this addition. I, myself am not an addict, but I do love my husband very much so, and would like to help him in anyway possible. I need some help for myself and understand what he is going through, as I am finding myself just falling apart.

Is there someone out there that could help shed some light for me! All replies are welcome.

Thanks in advance.
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Old 03-28-2008, 06:44 PM
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Hi,

You might start by going into a little more detail about your situation, like what drug he used, for how long, how long you have been married, if you have kids, and what it is that you are feeling about all of it, stuff like that.

Oh, and welcome to SR! There is a lot of good info here, check out the 'sticky' posts at the top, and feel free to post as much as you want to and ask anything you want to ask. There are great people here who will be happy to give you all the support you want.
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Old 03-28-2008, 07:27 PM
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Okay, well I am just not sure where to being is all. This is all new to me, and well I guess like everyone else I never thought this would happen to me.

So I guess here is a little of the back ground of me and my husband, we have been together for 13 years, and out of those 13 years been married for 6 years. We just recently found out that we have a little bundle of joy on the way. Which is quite amazing as I was told for many, many years I could not have childern, so this one is definetly a blessing.

Well, I guess to being with, I knew of my husband addition to pot, and I just recently found out about 6 months ago he got into crack. I did not know he was on it, until I realized he spent a whole pay check on crack, leaving us with no money for Rent, groceries, or no money to pay the bills with. I was really hurt by this.

I love my husband to death, I would do anything to help him out, he was trying to do this on his own, and stay clean for about 21/2 months, and then relapsed. He got into it again, and it was a very hard time for us, cause my mind it going a mile a mintue, I just don't know what to think what to do.

We separated for a little while, but I soon realized that he needed help, and that I still loved him very much, when I left, he took it apon himself to start going to NA Meetings which is helping him, and as I stated he has been 30 days clean so far.

I am not sure as to how long he was doing this drug, all I know it has affected the both of us deeply, but our love for each other is very strong.

I hope that helps a little, again being a new comer I am just not sure what to say, and I sometimes have a hard time opening up to strangers that I don't really know, but I do know I need help with this, as I feel my life is just falling complete apart, and I just don't know where to turn, or where to go.
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Old 03-29-2008, 01:51 PM
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anvilhead, thank you so much for your kind words. Right now I am not living with my husband as I thought it would be better for us to be apart. He is having a hard time with this, as where he lives is nothing but people who are on crack, and unfortunely they are not seeking any kind of help. They constantly phone him, and come to the door offering him rocks and such. I am proud of him, as he keeps telling them NO he is not interested.

He has been going to NA meetings, and today is his 30 days of being clean. That is a good thing. I have found a meeting with Nar anon every Tuesday which I will attend so I am able to understand the drug a little better, and found out if what I am feeling is normal.

I just want him to know I will be there to help him out, I do understand that this will be an fight on going for the rest of his life, but I am hoping with the recovery it will get easier for him. He is slowly starting to read the book they have for addicts at the NA meetings, and we sit together at times and read it together and he finds that helps.

I am not really sure what to say, as my mind is going a mile a mintue, and well there are times I do think it is my fault, and times where I feel I could have did something different, but by going to these NA meetings with him, I find that I am not the cause of this.

Once again thanks for your kind words, means alot to me, as I am trying to fight this battle alone.

Mich
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Old 03-29-2008, 04:40 PM
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I just read a book called " A million little pieces" by james frey. Its amazing. Altho the media has ripped it apart over the years saying sum facts are not true.. but whatever! It may be not true for james frey but I KNOW everything in that book Ive heard my bf of 2 years say, and all the things this man went thru.. Its crazy!!! I understand my bf alot better now. It is an interesting perspective of life thru a drug addicts eyes. The book is crazy...I wasnt even shocked by most of it tho cuz I kno wat my bf's been thru and its all too similar! If u havent read it I HIGHLY recommend it!!!
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Old 03-29-2008, 06:46 PM
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welcome. there is alot of support here for you. keep coming back. congraulations on your bundle of joy. i wish him the best but if he is hanging out with the users he is not going to make it. stay with us, find yourself a meeting & learn to take care of you. you & your baby deserve better.prayers,
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Old 03-29-2008, 09:07 PM
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Welcome to SR.
i have an AS who is also addicted to pot.
i must say that although you, like many of us came here for help, I see so many more signs of healthy behavior from your post than my first post.
I was a basket case when I first found out my son was an Addict. And i spent many years trying to fix him before I realized living with him in my house wasn't a good idea for either one of us.
so you are doing very good!
also, I can understand why your husband would fear the separation. It can be scary. but you letting him know you are still there for him is great. Also knowing he needs to do this on his own is an incredible step for you.
you are doing this for you and that baby.
If your husband wants this recovery bad enough he will work his program. Having a family to work for it is incentive,but he will still have to do it for himself.
If you could get yourself to a program also I would highly recommend it.
Either Nar-Anon or Al-anon are great. you already have so much going for you but these programs will give you the strength, knowledge and support to continue supporting your husband and yourself.
good luck and keep coming back
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Old 03-30-2008, 05:16 AM
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Welcome to SR
you have found a place where there will be support and encouragement ....

congratulations on the new baby...
it must be bittersweet...
so long anticipated but arriving at a time of suffering....
try to focus on yourself and the new life growing....

unfortunately your husband is fighting a difficult demon....
it is much harder to fight that demon while living among users but that is his problem to solve....

as already said by others, recovery is not a straight road...it is anything but!

my son is a recovering crack addict...(two years next month!!)...along the way there were many bumps (and at times other drugs were substituted for a crack craving)...relapse is part of recovery

I tell you this so you can be prepared...if you depend on him financially you need to be vigilant...if he has access to your home/bank accounts/possessions etc they need to be safeguarded

I wish you blessings as you continue this journey...
I cannot promise you its outcome but I can promise you will not walk alone

(((Prayers)))
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