Heard from Son
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: mays landing nj
Posts: 168
Heard from Son
My son finally did call last night. Told me it made him mad that I "attacked" him on Easter which as you all know I did not. I only asked about his drug use and offered help and support if he wanted it. He never denied using just went off in a huff. Last night I was told to "leave it alone". whatever that means. I will continue to try to get him to talk to me and hope eventually he takes the "help line".
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
i am glad he called you. it is the unknow that is so scary some times but with me if i do not know i do not get as scared. i work my program & when things get really hard i work it some more,even harder. let it alone means hands off the addict. there is nothing you can do if he does not want the help or support. prayers,
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
((((jacksdaughter))))
I'm glad that your son finally called. I'm not saying this out of sarcasm, but did you honestly think that he was going to all of a sudden come to you and say,"Mom, you're right. I have a problem. Let's get me some help."
Again, I'm not saying that out of sarcasm at all. I imagine if I were in your position I'd hope and pray that this is how it would play out. Unfortunately, it sounds like it isn't going to be that easy.
I've shared with you that there are only a few things that you can realistically do. Pray! I know it's hard to Give it to God at times, especially since it's your child who I'm sure you would stand in front of an oncoming car for. I thank God everyday that my son is a normie. He's extremely anti drugs and alcohol after seeing for the first 16 years of his life what it did to me. When our children were brought into this world, we were able to, for the most part, take their pain away and fix things for them. Whether it was burping them as a newborn to relieve gas pains, putting a band aid on a toddlers skinned knee or taking them to the ER when he slid into home and collided with the catcher, we were able to "kiss it and make the pain go away." Now, there isn't a whole lot you can do, except Pray. This is something you can't make go away with a hug and a kiss.
Please remember that God gave us these children to raise.
He put His faith in us to take care of them.
Now, you need to give him back to God
And trust that He will take care of your Son.
He will.
My Prayers are with you and you know I'm always here for you. Send me a PM when you need to share some more. I care. I think you know that.
God Bless & Thank God . . . Just for Today,
Judy
I'm glad that your son finally called. I'm not saying this out of sarcasm, but did you honestly think that he was going to all of a sudden come to you and say,"Mom, you're right. I have a problem. Let's get me some help."
Again, I'm not saying that out of sarcasm at all. I imagine if I were in your position I'd hope and pray that this is how it would play out. Unfortunately, it sounds like it isn't going to be that easy.
I've shared with you that there are only a few things that you can realistically do. Pray! I know it's hard to Give it to God at times, especially since it's your child who I'm sure you would stand in front of an oncoming car for. I thank God everyday that my son is a normie. He's extremely anti drugs and alcohol after seeing for the first 16 years of his life what it did to me. When our children were brought into this world, we were able to, for the most part, take their pain away and fix things for them. Whether it was burping them as a newborn to relieve gas pains, putting a band aid on a toddlers skinned knee or taking them to the ER when he slid into home and collided with the catcher, we were able to "kiss it and make the pain go away." Now, there isn't a whole lot you can do, except Pray. This is something you can't make go away with a hug and a kiss.
Please remember that God gave us these children to raise.
He put His faith in us to take care of them.
Now, you need to give him back to God
And trust that He will take care of your Son.
He will.
My Prayers are with you and you know I'm always here for you. Send me a PM when you need to share some more. I care. I think you know that.
God Bless & Thank God . . . Just for Today,
Judy
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
If your son has asked you to "leave it alone" then maybe that is what you should do. My daughter tells me that she is not ready to get help and when I push, she just backs away and isolates more. You have already told him that you are there for him when he wants help. Repeating it again and again will not make him ready sooner. I believe that prayer is the only thing that is left to you for now. That and getting healthy yourself so that if he wants help you can give him the right kind. Hugs, Marle
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
You planted the seeds. He may not be ready for the seeds to grow yet, but he will be one day, and now he knows your there. Good Job. Like the others said, you can work on you now.. :ghug
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Hi jacksdaughter. I'm sorry that your son has a drug problem. Thank goodness you found this site! Hands off the addict is, IMO, the best advice out there. Focus on your life and the rest of your family's health and well being.
I think that sometimes, our tendency to want to help someone see the error of their ways only results in driving them farther away from us and it also gets us so wrapped up in their addiction that we lose track of ourselves. That is not helpful for anyone - us or the addict.
We have to let go and let God. And make sure that we aren't helping them financially in anyway. Don't enable his addiction by providing him support or even nagging (because then he may think "my family is such a drag and they just don't understand me, its their fault I get high." Addicts will hit bottom in their own time. And nothing we do will get them there any quicker. Try to be a passive observer (easier said than done).
He knows you know. He'll ask you for help when he's ready.
I think that sometimes, our tendency to want to help someone see the error of their ways only results in driving them farther away from us and it also gets us so wrapped up in their addiction that we lose track of ourselves. That is not helpful for anyone - us or the addict.
We have to let go and let God. And make sure that we aren't helping them financially in anyway. Don't enable his addiction by providing him support or even nagging (because then he may think "my family is such a drag and they just don't understand me, its their fault I get high." Addicts will hit bottom in their own time. And nothing we do will get them there any quicker. Try to be a passive observer (easier said than done).
He knows you know. He'll ask you for help when he's ready.
are all right I will work on me and keep the lines of communication open so if he does want help he knows where to find it.
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Put your seatbelt on, because this will be a long bumpy ride with your son.
As parents of grown addicts we ea. come to the point where we decide for ourselves when enough is enough and detachment is our best option as the yrs. pass an the addiction is still active. Lots of support coming your way as you work out a relationship with your son. It is a difficult at best, when they use drugs.
Without addressing addiction, I do think it is important to try to keep a dialogue and relationship with our kids. It may be one-sided as they slip into addiction. I think it is important to reach that part of them that still knows a mother's love.
I picked and and picked at my 23 yr old son about recovery for several yrs. I was always honest with him about reality.
He rarely returned my calls and only came over a very few times because he didn't want to hear it or face it. I had too difficult a time accepting him as an addict.
In the past 5 yrs. I often told him he needed rehab and offered various treatment facilities to him. He took me up on my offer 3 times and is currently in a long-term placement. In 2005 I went and found him after he moved to a large city and did not want me to know where he was as a heroin addict. I've always stayed on point letting him know that I think he needs help.
My efforts did make him resent me, but I am not so sure that his isolation would have been any greater, because that is the nature of addiction. My son has Overdosed, attempted suicide as well as confessed that if he doesn't get sober he will die soon.
This takes a toll on us as mothers, as you are becoming aware of.
I hope my son makes it in recovery this time and this is his last rehab. I don't know about the future, but I probably won't have the finances for rehab, the energy to get him into treatment or the willingness to cont. to get him help. I have no regrets.
Ea. day we do the best we can and what feels right.
Working on my own issues has helped me greatly.
As parents of grown addicts we ea. come to the point where we decide for ourselves when enough is enough and detachment is our best option as the yrs. pass an the addiction is still active. Lots of support coming your way as you work out a relationship with your son. It is a difficult at best, when they use drugs.
Without addressing addiction, I do think it is important to try to keep a dialogue and relationship with our kids. It may be one-sided as they slip into addiction. I think it is important to reach that part of them that still knows a mother's love.
I picked and and picked at my 23 yr old son about recovery for several yrs. I was always honest with him about reality.
He rarely returned my calls and only came over a very few times because he didn't want to hear it or face it. I had too difficult a time accepting him as an addict.
In the past 5 yrs. I often told him he needed rehab and offered various treatment facilities to him. He took me up on my offer 3 times and is currently in a long-term placement. In 2005 I went and found him after he moved to a large city and did not want me to know where he was as a heroin addict. I've always stayed on point letting him know that I think he needs help.
My efforts did make him resent me, but I am not so sure that his isolation would have been any greater, because that is the nature of addiction. My son has Overdosed, attempted suicide as well as confessed that if he doesn't get sober he will die soon.
This takes a toll on us as mothers, as you are becoming aware of.
I hope my son makes it in recovery this time and this is his last rehab. I don't know about the future, but I probably won't have the finances for rehab, the energy to get him into treatment or the willingness to cont. to get him help. I have no regrets.
Ea. day we do the best we can and what feels right.
Working on my own issues has helped me greatly.
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