hidden messages in recovery
 

Hi all,
Good morning. I hope you all can provide me with some insight dealing with recovery and growth.

As most of you know, Mr. Moose and I are enjoying 3 months in Florida.
Since we are kind of tight on funds, we have invited 3 couples to come stay with us, and they are contributing to the cost of the condo rental.

The first couple flew down from Ohio, and stayed a week. She has a history of 5 back surgeries since last July, and I now see, an addiction to pain pills, along with imbibing a bit much. Or well, until she was slurring, and ready to fall off her chair. I attempted to be supportive, minding my own business, and thanked my H.P. they were here for only one week.

Couple #2 left yesterday morning, we haven't seen them for 14 years, and knew 14 years ago that they dranked socially. Well, low and behold when they arrived, my friend announced that her and her hubby, (very nice sweet ppl) have stopped drinking to excess, and I was pleased for them. But now it seems they both have an addiction to pain pills, so much that SHE slept 32 hours in a row for 2 days, and he kept nodding off. This was a 2 week visit, and sad to say, I was somewhat happy when they left.

I keep wracking my brain, knowing there's a BIG message from my H.P. to be found in these experiences, other that be more selective when inviting others, or make sure the bed they sleep in is very uncomfortable. (LOL)


We have one more couple coming in April for 2 weeks. We know them very well, no drugs involved, no prescription meds, no everyday drinking.
Hopefully, we'll still be close friends after 2 weeks.

So...meanwhile, back to the message that my H.P. is sending me.

Any serious ideas, here?

I'm going to walk the beach and see if my H.P. can get through this hard head of mine. :)

Hugs, and happiness to all,

Doesn't matter the message really.

Seems to me HP has given you great insight and the ability to enjoy your own awareness of what you DON'T WANT in your life. HP seems to also have given you 'great tolerance' of others, what a gift.

I hope you and Mr Moose are really enjoying your time in Florida. You have been given 'insight' into the types of people you want and don't want in your life. That in itself is quite a gift.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

Maybe it's just a lesson in gratitude?

Even though you haven't come out and said it, I get the sense you feel like you should DO something, perhaps DO something for these folks. Or maybe I'm totally wrong.

I use this little test for stuff like this:
1. Is it true?
2. Does it need to be said?
3. Does it need to be said by me?

I don't know if the above applies. Maybe it does.

I doesn't sound to me like the situation requires any action. Just appreciate it for what it is?

I don't even know if I'm making sense here...

what rotten luck. i have no idea what your H.P. is trying to tell you i just wanted to reply & wish you the best for the rest of your ...what? vacation!!!! i really hope u can enjoy the rest of it.hugs,

Moosie,
I often wonder how I can spend time around people who overindulge in various substances, but be flipped out of control to know my own son has done the same.
I keep telling myself its because they don't come to me when messes need cleaned up, but I think its something deeper.
For some reason I no longer (and sometimes never did) feel the need to fix them, or love them any less. I may just spend a little less time around them.

SO...why is that so hard for me when it involves my son? Why can't I find the same understanding, compassion and "none of my business"?

Maybe your HP needed to remind you that your son struggles just like others?

Hmmmm...got me thinking now

(((Hugs)))

I understand your point about Gratitude justanothrdrunk. Maybe the message is "there but for the grace of God..."

I was thinking the same thing and it tells you how far along you have come in your own recovery.

I'm not as close anymore with my closest friend from the last eight years. About 5 years ago she became addicted to Xanax and still is to this day. She also has two (?) 'medicinal' glasses of wine each night. She admits she has an addiction but won't do anything about it.

I don't get to see her very often but we used to talk almost every day on the phone, until about two months ago when I got serious about my own recovery. A couple of days ago, after hearing her slur on the phone again (she takes an evening Xanax along with her wine/whine), I cut the conversation short and thanked God for all the insight I've gained. I've realized I don't have to be co-dependent to be a good friend.

The next time I call her it will be earlier in the day when I know she's sober. I'll see if she wants to get together and actually do something, like maybe see a movie or get together with a group of friends. But the one thing I know I don't want is a one on one conversation, where she tells me one more time how miserable her life is.

Thanks all,
When I first thought about this, after the first couple went home, I thought..well for sure, my H.P. is telling me to make tighter boundaries...(although I didn't have enough enough before anyone visited...)

Then I thought, it must be gratitude, and Mr. Moose and I discussed all that we have to be thankful for, our health, our retirement, our liking each other..and other stuff.(LOL) which is a WHOLE lot!

Maybe I'm thinking too much on this, just maybe.
But I really do think our H.P. sends wonderful, insightful messages if we can stay silent enough to hear them...(hard for me to do...:))

Hugs to all....

I think it is a gratitude message also. You and your husband are committed to your own recovery and thus are reaping the rewards of enjoying your loving marriage as healthy, mature adults. I applaud you, and admire you.

The kid on the street, the business man on Wall Street, the friend from the past, a person living with pain,... me, you, the man on the moon... All could be addicts as addiction knows no bounds.

When I see a person's story, I start to understand more of how addictions work and that makes me grow in compassion and empathy towards others. A bad choice or caught in the trap of an RX and pain... doesn't really matter because I have yet to meet a person that said...today I am going to start my life as an addict..wish me well.

Cunning and baffling

Wait!!! Stop!!! I'm late but I have the answer *she says waving her arm in the air frantically* :wavey:

Your HP is trying to tell you that you might want to think of inviting all of US!!! We're no trouble, we don't eat much...well maybe we DO...and Mr. Moose might not want 500 codies crowding his space...okay so this wasn't a good idea. Dang!

Well maybe your HP is trying to show you how blessed you are to be married to Mr. Moose? And how tame your life is compared to some?

Maybe I'll just send you and the mister a big hug and tell you to just have a wonderful time and enjoy that Florida sunshine. :ghug3

You have so much to be grateful for.

It really is astonishing how many folks cope by using drugs + alcohol.
It truly is an equal opportunity destroyer.

I agree with Ann. If you invite us, you know that you will have people that understand what you are going through and can talk the talk and walk the walk with you. Pretty much a guarantee of a good time, don't you think:) Really though, I believe that maybe the lesson here is don't invite them next year. And also that since addiction has touched your live, you have a different perspective on it. Hugs, Marle

((Moose))

I'm wading in......It may be about gratitude, maybe a sign to enjoy the wonderful blessing that you and Mr. Moose have in each other.

It also could be a calling Moose. Your view is being broadened, It's not just your close family and friends, this disease is so widespread, it's hard to find people who don't do drugs and drink. Maybe you have a gift that needs to be used. You have all of this knowledge, compashion, understanding, experience and history. So many young people out there that could use your kind words, your example, your knowledge.

Maybe you are being drawn to expand your horizons on the people you know in this world. Make new friends, meet new people. You have a precious gift of knowledge, maybe you are being called upon to share it with people less fortunate.

Maybe it's a reminder to remember your own dreams. Pulling you away from "your normal routine" to remind you to concentrate on dreams you may have had a long time ago, before addiction interupted your life. Maybe there is a book, or poem, or song that you need to write. It may not help the world, but it may help one person somewhere along the way. Maybe one day, your great grandchild will be at a crossroads and read something you wrote, that will make the differnce in a choice they will make.

You have so very much to offer Moose. I think I would be revisiting forgotten dreams myself.

Just my thoughts, some may apply, maybe not, it just gives you some things to think about.

Hugs and Prayers
B

(((Moose)))

I like Ann's theory....since I'm in GA, I'm not too far from FL:)

When I first read this, I realized that now that I've been through my OWN addiction, as well as the XABF's, I am more aware of how many people are suffering from addiction. I can spot an addict at work in a heartbeat, and have actually met several RA's. Since I'm a chatty cathy, and actually talk to my customers, several will want to know why I'm not a nurse any more...so I tell them the convinced version "got involved in drugs, lost my license, got locked up, got my job here, and now I'm climbing back out of the pit I got myself into".

Amazing how many people have been affected by addiction.

I don't know what HP is trying to tell you, but lots of good ideas above. I DO know that because of MY addiction, I am not only a more compassionate person, but I now have limits of what and who I allow in my life....guess that was MY lesson, huh?

As always, thanks for a throught-provoking post!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

((((((((Moose)))))))))

I couldn't agree more with what Frankly said. You have a gift. I think you
should expand on it to help others in similar situations.
I'm reminded of something I read recently from the book "Lists to Live by."

Choosing Humility in an Arrogant World

The humble can wait patiently,
While the arrogant wants it now!

The humble demonstrates kindness,
while the arrogant doesn't even notice the need.

The humble are content, not jealous or envious,
while the arrogant feel they deserve more.

The humble honor and esteem the other,
while the arrogant brags on himself.

The humble does not act unbecomingly,
while the arrogant's manners are rude.

The humble shows a servant spirit,
while the arrogant demands to be served.

The humble are not easily provoked,
while the arrogant are quick to take offense.

The humble quickly forgive a wrong suffered,
while the arrogant can't rest until they even the score.




You, my friend, could teach many on the traits of being humble.
Your one of the most humblest (a real word. ask Loves).
I, too, feel there's a lesson to learn in everything. I bet alot of us codies
feel like that. lol
Enjoy the rest of your stay.

Love ya,
Linda

I used to think I was a compassionate person until my daughter's addiction knocked me to my knees. It's forcing me to face all the ugliness in my own life; what I have done, failed to do, and what I have/have not allowed. I read a quote a long time ago that I put away, but think about all the time now: Purity of soul cannot be lost without consent.

bookmiser, I just printed out that list and I'm going to frame it, put it on the wall directly in front of desk. Reading it took me back about 30 years in a nanosecond. My grandmother used to have a word for everyone in our family and her word for me was humility. It wasn't until about 10 years ago I seriously started thinking about it.

I'm so glad I read this thread and thank you Moose!

whew..... better luck with the 3rd couple.
by the way, Mr Rahsue and myself don't drink or do drugs, want us to come and help, lol.

Perhaps the message wasn't for you, at all.... It sounds to me that four lovely people all received some close contact with someone who understands addiction and how to set boundaries around it.



((((Moose)))))