lorettasue

My AH was arrested two months ago for armed robbery. I knew in my heart that he was doing some type of drug, but he successfully kept his crack addiction from me. I could see his body wasting away, but could never find any proof, and he always denied it. In one day, he confessed to armed robbery, crack addiction, and was arrested for a felony for the first time ever. I had to explain all of this to our 9 and 12 year old, when I was in shock myself.

I am so grateful for this forum for two reasons: I can vent to those that understand, and I do not feel so alone. Friends and family can be supportive, but no one knows how I feel unless they have been here.

I want to give him another chance, but only after treatment. I have told him that he must have treatment before he can come home, whenever he can get out of jail. I can't help but think I could be making a mistake, but don't know if I could forgive myself if I don't at least try. Does anyone have any recommendations? I want to make it an all or nothing rule when he comes home...no drugs or alcohol, or we are done. I just don't know if that will cause more pressure on him to stay sober.

Latte

Al-Anon. I can't speak highly enough for 12 step programs. I can't imagine my life without Al-Anon and AA/NA for myself. My father is the active alcoholic in my life and he has been drinking since I can't remember. It began to affect my life when I was about nine.

You will find some amazing advice and direction to places here at SR and other information. This is a great support system. I don't know where I would be today without the wonderful people here.

Welcome!

Sierra-Jess

Hi and welcome to SR!!
First off, hugs to your situation, I know it sometimes feels as if you are in an uphill battle but hang in there, you will find some wonderful support here. I would first suggest reading the sticky posts, reading through a few posts here and try to find a local Alanon meeting that you can go to.
As far as your "All or nothing" when he gets home, that is your boundary- made for your own sanity and serenity and the well being of your children, not to insure that he doesn't feel all stressed out and feel the need to relapse. That, is entirely up to him , you can neither control it or prevent it if it ends up happening. (ask me, I am the queen of searching and questioning LOL) Don't worry about his pressures and coping strategies, if he doesn't have them now, you are not going to be the one to solve it for him, that is something he has to find on his own. Take care of yourself and remember "One day at a time". Give your kids a big hug and kiss and let them know that you love them, then give yourself a big hug and let yourself know that you love yourself and you deserve peace and happiness. Alanon is a great place to start . My AH is currently in rehab and will be coming home soon, we have children, 5, 10 and 14 and I am excited for him to come home and work on his recovery while I work on my own. I am very optimistic about the future but I also have boundaries regarding his using. Your boundaries are for your peace and safety and well-being, not his. HUGS again.

Ann

I have to agree that taking the time he is away to work on your own recovery may prepare you for whatever happens when he is released.

Meetings saved my life and I know that they can help you surround yourself with support and find a way to regain your balance.

If possible, your kids might benefit from Alateen as well. This will affect them as well and it's hard for teens to deal with their emotions at a time like this.

Sending hugs and lots of prayers for you and your family.

Hugs