need strength to let go, again!

Old 03-17-2008, 01:12 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Okanagan BC
Posts: 328
need strength to let go, again!

I am having a sad day today. I am finding that I am allowing my ah's actions control my feelings once again. He has not been holding up his end lately and I am feeling the anxiousness, upset tummy, sadness.... I need to get back on this forum, maybe a meeting or two. I can't help feel the guilt of walking away from him when he gets so down and depressed about using. I KNOW it is his choice. I have given him so many chances to be a part of our family but he just keeps messing up. I pray for the strength i will need to become detached from his actions. I feel sorry for him. I want so badly for him to GET it!! I know I can't control it. Help me find the strength.
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Old 03-17-2008, 01:22 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: To the North
Posts: 1,086
The depression is the worst! My AH has depression issues too, from before the opiates or because of them or made worse by them, who knows really, but it is heart-breaking. My AH spent two weeks crying over the holidays, and multiple times before then, but those 2 weeks were the worst. When I came home I got the most pitiful sorrowful begging and I need yous, etc. But, as I just posted earlier, because I had been to some open NA meetings I was able to hear that there was no action plan even, no real steps he was taking other than getting off the pills using pills to help perscribe from the Dr. I think he might have been required to go to a few group meetings, but just like with therapy before, as soon as he could get out and not do anything, he did. It was so hard for me to tell him I was sorry but could not believe him anymore and could do nothing to fix him, I had been trying for years and obviously it didn't work and I finally learned my lesson that only he could "fix" himself. It wasn't easy by any means, and within a month after that I had Mr. Happy asking me to fold his shirts - we were obviously back on self-medication.

Stay strong, it is draining and it is exhausting. Get to some meetings, keep participating here, you know what to do! Read the books, take care of yourself and get all the reality checks you need to help you help yourself!

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Old 03-17-2008, 09:49 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Sending hugs...Some days are harder than others. I found I had to consciously stop myself whenever I started obsessing. It takes work but eventually it gets easier. I hope tomorrow is brighter for you
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Old 03-18-2008, 04:55 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
One day at a time...
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 42
Wow KJ21 I can relate to how you feel, that was me not too long ago. The sickness in the pit of my stomach was the worst. It is extremely difficult to just sit back and watch someone that we love continue to make bad choices with their life. For me the best thing I ever did was to take care of myself. I know that seems so hard at first to focus on yourself and believe me it is still a struggle some days but that is the only thing that we have complete control over, our choices in life.It was the only thing that gave me freedom. Letting go and allowing my higher power to do his work was also a struggle but we must let others go and allow them to be who they are no matter if we agree or dissagree. My suggestion to you is to keep posting you will get so much advise and many more helpful suggestions also maybe think about attending a meeting face to face. I also have a wonderful sponser that helps me every step of the way. Also for me I try my best not to worry about yesterday or tomorrow I'm slowing learning to focus on the present moment and I take it one day at a time. Good luck and you are in my prayers!
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