aztchr

Hi everyone,

Happy almost Spring! A time for growth and renewal of our spirits awaits!

My sister completed her treatment program and came home yesterday!
She's in great spirits, has her sponsor, counselor, program, etc. She knows what to do to stay clean. I am detaching with love through her recovery, too. I pray and will always hope for her to do the next best right thing for herself and to be the best mom to my niece.

With that said, here's where I need the feedback:
I went to my meeting this morning and it was a speaker meeting. We had a great recovering addict share their story of experience, strength, and hope.
I chose not to share anything today, just listening and talking to others after the meeting. One of the members asked about my sister. I told her she was home and completed her treatment. She asked if my sister was back living with my parents. I said yes and she'll be taking care of her daughter, too.

Well, the woman only commented about what are my parents going to do if she relapses. I told her that was their business and they would follow through with whatever they have in place. I honestly didn't know. One because I don't live there, and two because I'm working my own program.

I just took a little offense to her tone. Her daughter is still out using and she's watching her own grandchild. Maybe she was hurt because my sister got help. I guess I'm just not wanting to share much at my meetings because of this person's reactions.

The group is sectioning off into little cliques and I'm not getting much from it. Maybe I'm growing and need a new direction. I'm debating whether or not I really need to attend this meeting. Then I think, maybe I can still share something for a newcomer and who cares what the others think.

Oh well, I'm letting it go for now. Thanks for any feedback or experiences to share.

ANGELINA243

Do not let anyone run you off from a group--whether directly/indirectly. If you are starting to get uncomfortable at that particular group--is there any other group nearby, a different meeting with new people that you can go to? There are plenty of different groups where I live. Just a thought. The primary purpose of a group is to carry the message to the addict who still suffers. If they aren't carrying the message to the newcomer--whether outside of the group or to the newcomer that walks in--I personally would find another group :ghug2

faithhopelovejr

Find another meeting. There are meetings out there that consist of sometimes older people who have adult addicts. Maybe you can find a group that has younger people. Good luck. Continue to go.

aztchr

The meeting I attend is the only Nar-anon group available. I might look into other Alanon ones.

I just want to share and have a positive feeling from the group in general. I'll check into my expectations, too. I guess I was hoping the person would say something along the lines of, "That's great your sister is home. I have hope for her, etc." Instead, the focus was on her relapsing. If she does, she does. Can't control that.

I might have just overreacted, too.

Take what I like, leave the rest.

CatsPajamas

I don't find much difference between Nar Anon and Al Anon - regardless of what substance is being abused, OUR problem is with THEM! Al Anon saved my life, pure and simple. I had to do some meeting shopping to find the meeting that worked for me. As I have grown in my recovery, I have changed meetings from time to time as one worked better for me than another.

The most important thing is that you find a meeting that speaks to you, nurtures you, helps you. It sounds to me like your recovery is going well!

Big hugs
Cats

Done_With_It

I agree with what has been said, maybe try an alanon meeting.

I went to a few CMA meetings, took 5 different ones to find one that I liked.

Also be careful about what you take in from other people. Other people have different footprints and paths. I find that even on recovery boards as much as they help me, I have to be careful what I take in.

If something doesn't help you, you are free to discard it, revisit it, let it go,
whatever you choose to do.

That was just one person, try not to give her more weight than she's worth.

:ghug2

greeteachday

I'm glad you are thinking about what works for you and making adjustments as you grow. I too tried several Alanon and Naranon meetings before I found the one that "fit." There are people who come who I have a hard time relating to or who say things that I don't find too recovery oriented. I remind myself it is take what you want and leave the rest. And then there are the folks who really make the group the awesome place it is for me...I've gained so many wonderful friendships in the rooms.
You sound really strong in working on you and I am happy to hear your sister is moving forward in her recovery too. Prayers for all of you.

Miss Pink

you gonna let one persons opinion or attitude drive you away?

This is not a social club...this is a place we go to save our sanity. SOme are sicker than others....live and let live.

frankly

My first thought on this was it's not just the newcomers who need you there, it is that very lady. She needs your story, your experience. She may only be asking what your parents would do, maybe because she needs or is looking for some validation that she did the right thing in her own situation. Maybe she has hit a block in her recovery. Whatever the reasons, your actions and reactions from your own recovery, may help her. Even when people talk about themselves, sometimes they hold things back, keep little secrets that maybe they are ashamed of or not comfortable talking about, yet they may say something or ask something that shows they haven't delt with a part of the program.

Please don't be offended by the question or the attitude, embrace it as an opportunity to share yourself and maybe help them.

Just like kids, other people learn from our example and our experiences. Maybe she could learn from yours.

Huge Hugs
B

NoelleR

Some really good replies here, but since I didn't see any that touched on my thoughts I figured I'd jump in and see if I could get my thoughts across (which sometimes is hard for me to do.....lol).

You said, "...Well, the woman only commented about what are my parents going to do if she relapses. I told her that was their business and they would follow through with whatever they have in place. I honestly didn't know. One because I don't live there, and two because I'm working my own program...."

I saw how you were hurt by her sentiments, and confused by her, and then got into trying to figure out where she was at, what she meant.....etc., etc., etc., usually an exercise doomed to failure.....lol

Since it hasn't been brought up (at least I don't think I've read it), I thought I'd throw out another idea on what might have been on this lady's mind.....Perhaps she's just worried about your parents.

Seeing as relapse is a very possible future event (although, not a definite), and we know that you have a program, and are working it.....perhaps the woman was hoping to hear that your parents have a program, and a support group, and some definite plans in case your sister does have a relapse.....When a loved one comes home from treatment, everyone seems to be happy and positive, and if a relapse occurs, and the people are not prepared, it can be devastating for them........

Well.........this was just my take on it.....probably not even worth 2 cents, but who knows.....with our economy nowadays, it may be worth a lot more very soon..... (o:

I do hope this helps y'all see this from another perspective.....there are so many sides to things, one can get stuck in one place, and miss a lot..... (o:

Here's the best to you and yours..... (o:


NoelleR

aztchr

NoelleR,

Thanks for your thoughts. They are worth more than two cents!

splendra

well I like the who care what others think...are there other meetings in your town? Maybe check them out if there is.

I have found in any group there is likely to be at least one person who clashes with me. I have found that sometimes the person I like the least can teach me the most if I am open and willing to lay aside my own thoughts.