littlebird77

Forgive me because I am going though an anger moment. However I read the 12 steps for us on this side of the fence, and I wish there was something just for us... I think some of the steps are great, but wish there was a more dedicated way for us. I am tired of thinking my issues with the addict are somewhat the same. It is not the same problem, so how can you have the same solution? I have given enough of my life an soul to the addict, I want something of my own. I don't want to feel like I have an addiction. I know as the addict I never chose this life, but I NEVER CHOSE THIS LIFE... I was a child... I could not stop and leave... However dad could stop drinking. Why do I feel like this is something I could have easily walked out of... But now it has followed me, I have fallen in love with an addict and this is something now as an adult I can change... But I feel like I am tagging along to the 12 step program because once again... There is nothing just for me and people like me.

Thank you.

marle

I don't think that you have to join a 12-step program. You could go for individual counseling if that would help you. That is what I did. I think the important thing is is that you need to heal from things that happened to you in your childhood so that you can stop repeating the patterns in your adult life. "Normal" people who were raised in "normal" families do not date or marry addicts and if by chance they do, they do not spend years trying to help them. I think growing up with addiction shortcircuits the part of you that is instinctual to self-preservation and instead one tends to only see others as important. A 12-step program is really about self discovery and once you get into the steps you will see that it is not about the addict, it is about you. Hugs, Marle

Ann

I found this program was just for "me" when I began working it to make "myself" feel better, regardless of what others thought of me.

The program is not about substance...it's about finding a better way to live so we are not angry, sad and emotional all the time, or living in fear 24 hours a day like I was. It's about taking time to learn about ourselves, connecting spiritually, and changing our habits and forming new ones that allowed us to live healthier lives. It's about finding balance and peace in our lives and learning to be happy regardless of how those around us feel.

My home fellowship for many years was CoDA (Codependents Anonymous) and there were many people at that meetings whose relationship problems had nothing to do with substance, but they were as valid as mine were and they too needed a wonderful program of change.

The 12-step program saved my life, literally. It's not for everyone, some choose other methods. But for me it gave me my life back and so many wonderful gifts of recovery that I never would have found without a program like this.

Choose what works for you, we respect personal choices in recovery here, but choose something because staying the same is an unpleasant option to most of us.

Hugs

Chino

There are many medical diseases and disorders where the same piece of advice is given:

Take your meds, eat healthy, reduce stress, get plenty of rest and exercise.

Miss Pink

THe addict is addicted to drugs,
I am addicted to the addict.

How do I know this?

Because I stayed in a relationship that was abusive, destructive, insane.

And I didnt have a single drug in me.

Who's the sicker one?

The 12 steps help me to be relieved of self destructive relationships. Unless and until you thoroughly examine what the 12 steps can do to save your life, you will remain in self-inflicted torture. My opinion, of course.