katie44

This question may be a bit off the wall, and I probably do know the answer. As I posted last week my mother in law passed away. She was my sons best friend really the only one that he has so close to him. He has much guilt over her death, inpeticular the stealing from her. It has been a very busy week and we have company from out of town. Last nite my son called to see if I would go to a meeting with him NA. I told him no I was tired. I know he is not clean now. Why couldnt he go by himself? I feel guilty for not going with him. Then I think if her truly wanted to go why cant he go by himself. Then I thought he just lost his grandma maybe I should have gone with him.
Was I wrong not to have gone? He said he did go by himself but I dont believe him because he lies all the time. I just didnt say anything to him.
I have attended a few meetings with him in the past, and it was very informative for myself however I just cant figure him out sometimes.

Went by his place yesterday empty beer cans everwhere, rolling papers and a crack pipe sitting on the table. He was not home.
He has just sat and cried the past four days. I am worried about him, but I know in my heart this journey he will have to come to terms with himself and the guilt he feels.

hello-kitty

katie, I hope you don't confuse his addiction with guilt. He is not using because he feels guilty. He is using because he is an addict. He will not come to terms with his guilt until he quits using. It's all part and parcel of the addiction.

Done_With_It

Were you "Wrong" to take care of yourself?


Do you think it's your responsibility to drop everything
because an addict decides okay I want help 'right now'.

I think you did good. You don't need to schedule your life
around an addiction. It will tear you apart if you do.

If he's serious about attending an NA meeting, he will go.
He could have asked instead,
Hey Mom,
I want to go to an NA Meeting, do you think maybe we can
get together and go?
Checking to see how you are and your schedule is?

An addiction will suck the life out of anyone who lets it be sucked.
Kudos to you for taking care of yourself.

When I was ready to get sober, Nothing or No one could stop me.

Just my 2 cents.

sleepygoat

My thought was, your saying yes or no would not have that much bearing on the total course of his addiction or of his recovery. This is so much bigger than us!
It's good, though, that he was thinking of going to a meeting.

katie44

Thankyou for your replies. Your all right its just been a very stressful week. If he really wants to get clean he would make an attempt to go himself. It still boggles my mind how they master the fine art of manipulation. Lately he has voiced his opinion how upset he is that I dont spend much time with him. Trying to make me feel guilty. The truth is if I stay away from him, I feel stronger. When he is around he lies all the time, and I feel I have to wrap my purse around my arm and carry it everywhere.