AboutMySerenity

So, one week after the last relapse, he did it again.
I am so tired of the uncertainty that I just called the locksmith and had the locks changed.

I feel unsure about having done it but I am tired.

I went through hell because of his crack addiction for a year where I was the perfect co-dependent enabler. He stole everything from the house, I had to declare bankruptcy and we got divorced. After one year of separation he hit rock bottom and got clean. So I gave him a chance, but short after 6 months clean, he relapsed last week. I allowed him back with the condition that he had the desire to stay clean and that we would not steal or be violent. He did good for a week and today he went missing again. I cannot tell for sure if he used but I cannot live in the anguish any more. I am pregnant and after I posted here last week I really think I should not be putting my unborn baby thru any of this stress.

My husband and I had an argument this morning because he got his public assistance money and asked if he was going to buy a phone to replace the one that he sold last week to go smoke crack. He said he would, so then I said that I also needed money to put the service back. He went crazy because he said that I know that he does not have that much money and that he cannot give me monay. So of course when I told him that I had also disconnected the cable to save money for my maternity leave he argued more and more. He said he was not coming home if there was not cable and if I did not connect his phone back. I said fine don't come home. So he did not come. Am I wrong to assume that he relapsed again??? May be he is just upset and did not use???
Then I think, it does not matter, his whole attitude is not helpful to me or the baby.
So all in all I think I have done the right thing and I know that now I need to stick by it and stick by it no matter what.

Any more advice is appreciated.

Ann

I think your mind knows what your heart has not yet processed, and if you were my daughter I'd give you a big hug and pat you on the back for taking care of yourself and your baby.

You already know the pattern, you know what addiction will do. That person who is in there somewhere, the person you love, is lost in the darkness of addiction and nothing will bring him back out until he is ready.

You are pregnant and trying to take care of yourself and unborn child....and he is having a temper tantrum because of his phone and the cable? It's just wrong on so many levels here and living in his darkness won't draw him into your light.

Special hugs and lots of prayers going out for you and your baby. Regardless of your financial situation, I have a feeling that there are special blessings ahead for you just waiting for you to open that door of new beginnings.

Hugs