how to help
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: BOSTON, MA
Posts: 5
how to help
Hi everyone 
This is my first post here.... first post anywhere actually!
My best friend just returned home from rehab last week for a mess of things... primarily oxycontin, coke and alcohol. Over the past year things had steadily gotten worse for him, and I am shocked he made it out of that part of his life alive.
He went into detox/rehab for thirty days and just came home. While he was away, he was absolutely miserable.. home sick, physically sick, depressed...
He was very excited to come home and get back into swing of things. I am very proud of how hard he has been working at his recovery.... meetings twice a day, lunches with his sponsor, reconciling with his family...
I can sense a huge change in him between now and one month ago... he is not angry, he laughs and makes jokes, smiles... But he is still so sad. He was explaining to me last night how bored he is... and he has no desire to use at this point, but he misses his friends, and wants to just call them and say hi... he hasn't done that, the majority of his friends use and drink, and will probably be surprised he is still alive. He kind of dropped of the face of the earth when he went to rehab and changed his phone number.
He explained how he was just sort of feeling overwhelmed with his emotions... He hadn't had any real feelings in the past 5 years while he was using, something would bother him and he would drown it away with booze and pills. Now that his mind is clearing up, he is feeling all kinds of things he hasn't experienced in a while and is having trouble coping with... fear, anxiety, sadness, guilt, shame... the whole gamut!
I want to be his friend, and be there for him.... I've never been in a situation like this before, never been close to anyone with addiction problems before,a nd I am not sure how to support him through this....
This is my first post here.... first post anywhere actually!
My best friend just returned home from rehab last week for a mess of things... primarily oxycontin, coke and alcohol. Over the past year things had steadily gotten worse for him, and I am shocked he made it out of that part of his life alive.
He went into detox/rehab for thirty days and just came home. While he was away, he was absolutely miserable.. home sick, physically sick, depressed...
He was very excited to come home and get back into swing of things. I am very proud of how hard he has been working at his recovery.... meetings twice a day, lunches with his sponsor, reconciling with his family...
I can sense a huge change in him between now and one month ago... he is not angry, he laughs and makes jokes, smiles... But he is still so sad. He was explaining to me last night how bored he is... and he has no desire to use at this point, but he misses his friends, and wants to just call them and say hi... he hasn't done that, the majority of his friends use and drink, and will probably be surprised he is still alive. He kind of dropped of the face of the earth when he went to rehab and changed his phone number.
He explained how he was just sort of feeling overwhelmed with his emotions... He hadn't had any real feelings in the past 5 years while he was using, something would bother him and he would drown it away with booze and pills. Now that his mind is clearing up, he is feeling all kinds of things he hasn't experienced in a while and is having trouble coping with... fear, anxiety, sadness, guilt, shame... the whole gamut!
I want to be his friend, and be there for him.... I've never been in a situation like this before, never been close to anyone with addiction problems before,a nd I am not sure how to support him through this....
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Keep listening when he talks, encourage him to attend NA or AA meetings, take up a hobby or revisit one he left behind. Idle hands are the work of the devil, so they say. Your friend has to stay busy so that doesn't happen.
Kudos to you for welcoming him back into your life!
Kudos to you for welcoming him back into your life!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Hardy Ky
Posts: 170
Hi,
My son went through the same situation! For years they camflauge their feelings by numbing themselves...I can not imagine how he must feel....Join the real world!! Through life we have all of what your friend is feeling...Make sure he knows that first off...I sincerely believe he might need to seek professional help with dealing with those feelings. I also, prefer the aftercare program which is more intense on getting them ready for the real world...My son actually stayed in the 2 extra months...That really helped him.
Explain to him that those friends he had before...are no longer...They are a memory from the past and keep in mind of a true friend...One who stands beside you sober or not...That to me is a real test!!
Be there for him is the main thing! God knows he needs a friend like you with a level head and caring heart. He is Blessed to have you!
Let me add, you friend is doing great!!! I worry and will pray about what he is feeling right now...But I think that would be the natural way of feeling after numbing his feelings for so long...So just be there for him on his road to recovery...Let him Vent...and keep reminding him to take one day at a time...That is how it works.
God Bless you sweetie and my prayers are with your friend and you,
Machele:ghug3
My son went through the same situation! For years they camflauge their feelings by numbing themselves...I can not imagine how he must feel....Join the real world!! Through life we have all of what your friend is feeling...Make sure he knows that first off...I sincerely believe he might need to seek professional help with dealing with those feelings. I also, prefer the aftercare program which is more intense on getting them ready for the real world...My son actually stayed in the 2 extra months...That really helped him.
Explain to him that those friends he had before...are no longer...They are a memory from the past and keep in mind of a true friend...One who stands beside you sober or not...That to me is a real test!!
Be there for him is the main thing! God knows he needs a friend like you with a level head and caring heart. He is Blessed to have you!
Let me add, you friend is doing great!!! I worry and will pray about what he is feeling right now...But I think that would be the natural way of feeling after numbing his feelings for so long...So just be there for him on his road to recovery...Let him Vent...and keep reminding him to take one day at a time...That is how it works.
God Bless you sweetie and my prayers are with your friend and you,
Machele:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
When I read the words "bored recovering addict" warning sirens start ringing in my ears. It would be much better for him if he was a "grateful recovering addict". He'd have a better chance at staying clean.
No matter what happens, don't ever forget that you are powerless over his addiction and his choices. If he wants to use, he's going to use. It doesn't matter if he's bored, happy, sad, mad, etc etc etc. That being said, maybe you could take him to a good psycho thriller or action packed movie on the big screen. Nothing with drug use in it though... :-)
You could also go to a meeting with him if you wanted to...
No matter what happens, don't ever forget that you are powerless over his addiction and his choices. If he wants to use, he's going to use. It doesn't matter if he's bored, happy, sad, mad, etc etc etc. That being said, maybe you could take him to a good psycho thriller or action packed movie on the big screen. Nothing with drug use in it though... :-)
You could also go to a meeting with him if you wanted to...
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