AboutMySerenity

After 2 years of active use and separation, I got back into a relationship with my husband. The last six months have been good since we are both clean. (I have 9 months clean and sober and going to CoDa)
3 days ago he disappeared for the whole night and relapsed. I let him back under strict conditions, but it been a roller coaster for me. To top it all, I am 3 months pregnant and sometimes I just feel like telling him to just leave.
Any advice is welcomed...

best

Hold your boundaries. If you say it, do it. He needs to understand that the boundaries are real.
Both of you get to some meetings as well.

hello-kitty

Big hugs to you. And congratulations on your clean time and your baby! A million people told me this so I will share it with you. The most important thing right now is taking care of yourself and that baby. Your husband is a big boy and can take care of himself. But that baby needs you. So don't let that man stress you out. Pregnancy is hard enough without worrying where your husband is and whether he is using drugs.

I had a very similar situation. I got pregnant. I got clean. He kept using. Finally (after a long time, when my son was 2) I told him if you disapear again, or if you use drugs, don't bother coming home. If you do I will call the police immediately.

And I did. But I put myself through hell while I was pregnant and for the first couple years of my childs life. And it wasn't worth it.

Hang in there. Children are such a blessing! You are going to get so much enjoyment and love out of your child. The last thing you need is the stress of being with an active addict while you are pregnant. It is the worst. It's better to just get used to relying on yourself, than depend on someone who is completely undependable to go through the pregnancy with you. So stick with your boundaries.

I told my ex, the last time was the last time. And I meant it.

Troubledone

I don't have any advice for you, but prayers that you find a way to get what you want and need.

I can't even imagine what it must be like to be pregnant, working your own recovery and having to deal with the let-down that I imagine comes from realizing your husband is not in the same place with recovery as you are.

I do know how hard it is to maintain boundaries, however, when someone I love is not sober.

My wish for you is that you care for yourself and your baby first and continue to hold your husband accountable to the role you need him to play as adult partner and father.

God Bless.