need advicee, just someone to talk to

Old 03-04-2008, 09:13 AM
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need advicee, just someone to talk to

last night my husband of 9 years andfather to our 2 beautiful children told me he is addicted to oycontin
i thought he had the flu
he is actually trying to self detox
i am hurt and betrayed, but want to help
has anyone been through this???
how long does it take?
i don't want to tell anyone we know
but i feel so alone
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Old 03-04-2008, 09:42 AM
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The first 72hrs are the worst then he should start feeling better slowly after that. Make sure he stay hydrated.

What are you doing for youself? Holding in the feelings of betrayal and hurt will eat u up inside. Plus the trust issue. Probably feeling like u just been hit by a mac truck. You will get better in time but remember just cause he has detoxed doesnt mean he is cured he can relaspse and end right back where he is now. IT happens so fast. Educate yourself we understand how you feel. (((hugs)))
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Old 03-04-2008, 10:07 AM
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Good advice from KJ above, FloridaWife, educate yourself and start taking care of you.

My AH spent a few months tapering, then 2 weeks of mess finally detoxing over the holidays, and he was back on the codeine within a few weeks to a month. This is not a prediction for your situation, this is just want happened in mine. Keep reading around, opiates are incredibly tough to let go of it seems.

Welcome -
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Old 03-04-2008, 10:37 AM
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I've seen mine go thru withdrawals at least 5 times, but I think it was because he ran out, not because he was trying to quit. Everytime I think to myself, you just went through all that to go right back and do it again??????????????

Maybe it would be different if he was actually trying to quit.
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Old 03-04-2008, 10:55 AM
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i do feel like i have been hit by a truck
i am grateful that he came to this on his own, but i also feel stupid for not knowing...
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Old 03-04-2008, 11:02 AM
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Floridawife - I felt stupid too, I thought everyone else would have known but me, but turns out there's a lot of us that don't know, pills are easier to hide. Mine didn't come out until after I told him I wanted a divorce (we had not had much of a relationship, especially the last few years and I was just done). So, don't feel stupid, just educate yourself, because this is a whole new world and while it's good he came to this on his own, it doesn't mean he's won the battle. Keep on reading - check out the stickies, read the other posts, etc. More will be along I'm sure.
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Old 03-04-2008, 11:09 AM
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Welcome FloridaWife!! This message board is a wonderful resource and pick-me up for those times you might feel overwhelmed with the tasks at hand. I would have your husband call his Dr. and discuss or go see him for detoxing, I don't think detoxing at home on your own is a do-it-yourself project. (and , if your hubby will talke to him, then, at least his Dr. will know also) Many hugs to you, there are so many of us here that are going through similar circumstances. I had the cute husband , who is the awesome dad, with the good job who worked hard for 15 years so I could stay home and be room mom and PTA!! , nobody ever thought he would be addicted to pain meds but he was ........tried several times to detox and quit on his own but it never worked for him. He is now in rehab for the first time and I am hopeful about his recovery. I am also hopeful for my own recovery, I would suggest finding support in your area, I went to Alanon last night for my first meeting and even though it was different than I expected, I can tell it will help me get through this. Just keep remembering, you CAN'T control his action, you CAN control your reaction. Also, the sticky tabs at the top of this message board are a good read, I suggest the one about what addicts do, it is a total eye-opener. Keep posting, you are among friends.
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Old 03-04-2008, 11:18 AM
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don't feel stupid.. of all the people in the world who "should" have known, it was me. and I didn't have clue. He didn't want me to know and I loved and trusted him so how could I know?
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Old 03-04-2008, 11:35 AM
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I just got through telling my mother how stupid and embarrassed I feel. Her reply, "Well, you're just gonna have to get over that. We all expect for people to do right, and when they don't it's not your fault for believing in them."
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Old 03-04-2008, 12:50 PM
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Your husband will have much better success if he detoxes with a doctors help. Please try to steer him in that direction. And detox may be a horrible experience. But stopping isn't nearly as hard as staying stopped. Can you suggest some kind of recovery program? AA? NA? drug counselor? Rehab? In order to stay clean an addict has to learn to deal with the underlying problem that drove him/her to use drugs in the first place. They have to learn new coping skills because for so long they have been using drugs to cope with life.

I wish him and you the best of luck. Keep posting.
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Old 03-04-2008, 01:09 PM
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Welcome floridawife! I hope things go well for your husband and his recovery. But take care of yourself first. My AH relapsed and detoxed 3 times on his own (if he even ever really quit.) This last time he has sought professional help. I am keeping my fingers crossed this time. I know how you feel, but don't feel stupid. We are supposed to be able to trust our loved ones. My prayers are with you right now.
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Old 03-04-2008, 04:32 PM
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Great Advice all!!!!! As always!!!
My son was addicted to Oxy's and believe me it's not easy to do on their own...The detox depends on how long they have been on it....It's the brain afterwards dear....My son just got home from Rehab. He tried to quit on his own and could not!!! 84 days clean for him today! There are people who quit on their own, but my son just could not do it alone...He gives the credit to God!
I will be praying for his recovery and for you!!
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Old 03-04-2008, 05:38 PM
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Floridawife, My RAH is addicted to opiates. He was also taking opiates--codeine & morphine. He has been clean for 3 months (after using for 7). He went to a chemical dependency counselor and the regular doc. He had to stop seeing his user friends. He did the detox at home, but had lots of "homework" from his counselor. He told most of his friends (user and non-user) that he was going clean. I told some of my friends, and also talked to our counselor about it. It has been a rocky road for both of us. He still gets cravings from time to time if he gets stressed. His counselor told him he was doing well, but to watch the 5-6 month point.
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Old 03-04-2008, 08:19 PM
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Welcome to SR. You've found a great place for support and information.
Read on here and post. Listen to women and men who have been here a while. They have solid recovery and can help you by their experience, strength and hope.

I'd also recommend finding an Al Anon or Nar Anon meeting in your area. Those are the meetings (support) for the loved ones of the addicted. My meetings have definitely been a help to me and I continue to go to them twice a week. I will never stop going if it's left up to me. They make me feel so much better because there are people there who are going through the exact same thing I am going through. And I'm sure you'll find the same thing. They might not have the exact same story as you do, but they will have something very similar. And they can share with you what they are doing to "make it".

I hope you'll post some more and stick around.

Hangin' In
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Old 03-05-2008, 07:10 AM
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he is still at home, but markedly better than the first 2 days...
he was able to eat yesterday and i made sure he drank lots of water and gatorade
we haven't talked much yet
just trying to hold things together right now and then go from there
he apologized for getting sucked in and for hurting me....
i am just taking it hour by hour for now and trying to keep things normal for the kids
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Old 03-05-2008, 07:48 AM
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hopefully, he will keep it together. we're here!
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Old 03-05-2008, 08:07 AM
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Just wanted to say "Hi"- good advice above- I especially agree with Hangin about trying to find an Alanon or Naranon meeting. The addict in my life is my son- currently doing time- and his primary DOC was meth but I understand feeling stupid that you didn't know what was going on- my journey started almost 5 years ago when he was 17- it feels like forever!

The good news is that he is clean and sober and he truly has made steps forward- but there were lots of relapses- some of them worse than others. Relapse is part of recovery- it is a phrase used around here often and believe me, it happens- it hurts- it disappoints us- it can destroy us- if we don't have tools to help us through it.

Learn as much as you can- and take care of yourself. It is so easy to make your addict the absolute center of your universe- and when things are good with them- they are good with you and the reverse of that is when things are bad with them- they are bad with you!

Take care~
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Old 03-05-2008, 09:47 AM
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Yes, I went thru that. My xhusband got addicted to oxy while recovering from neck problems. He never quit.
If he is serious about getting out of the addictive circle, he needs to get help, and so do you.
I hope you'd consider counseling and alanon for help.
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