SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

I have really never posted to much about my nephew, he is on crack. We were really close in previous years, he was kind of like a little brother, He is 35 and been on this rollercoaster ride with crack....well it only really came to light when my husband got on it 5 years ago and they were like Bonnie and Clide. I dropped him right out of my life, he was stealing left right and center from my mom and we got into some major fights. He is an addict that stops for 3 to 4 months and if not more. This last time it was 9 months, but he got back on it again over the Christmas Holidays. But never did he come around here, even when he was straight. I came home on Sat and I have a fellow clearing out my blackberries and he said Chris was here...I said Chris, not even thinking about my nephew...he said ya, he said to tell you that Chris your Nephew was here, to give him a call. So I did,he said I just stopped by to see you, then just after I left your house I ran out of gas, so I got a hold on my oldest son and he is going to come with a gas can to get me going...ok I said. Then 10 min later my son comes in and says guess who I have in the car....! Well I think I know, he is all nervous that so and so is going to steal his truck, He came in for 2 minutes and had to get going. Not 20 minutes later he calls back, I could not get the phone as I was at the front door talking to the fellow cutting the bushes, then he calls back and says was my wife at your door...no I said, Oh ok, just wondering if you have $40.00 to lend me until Monday...no I don't...Ok he said no problem. 3 hours go by and he calls again, are you sure that you don't have $40.00... no I saidI don't....Ok no problem. About an hour goes by and he is here at my house, I had a friend for dinner and he comes in and asked again...my friend said to him and just how do you plan on paying her back. He got in a snit and said I aways pay my bills. Then he left I guess only when outside for hours. I was sick inside....it has been so long since I have seen him or my husband and I really just didn't realize how far that I have removed my memories of what it is like to see them face to face when they are high. But this time I didn't have the anger, just knew there is nothing I can do. It left me feeling so uptight the next day, feelings from the past. I was kind, gentle and understanding with him. Guess where that led...he called the next night to see if I would let him crash there for the night, but said or are you not comforable with that...I said no Chris I am not comfortable with it, he said I understand, no problem. I sat and cried after that, but thought back to what they told me in Al-anon....for each time I thing that I am helping I keep them sicker for 3 days. The best I could do was hug him and told him that I do love him and I am sorry to see him battling with the drug.

I don't know what is worse, having the anger or the sorrow for them.

Rose