Nikki221

My XABF and I have been broken up for almost three weeks and had not spoken since the day we broke up. I had the urge to call him almost daily, but I didn't. I cried myself to sleep at night wondering why he wasn't calling me...why he wasn't trying to get work things out like he always did before. I was miserable for the first two weeks, but last week I finally started to feel better. Then, this past weekend I ran into him when I was out one night with my friends. I was out at a bar that he never even goes to and all of the sudden he walked in. It really caught me off guard because he was the last person I was expecting to see there. Anyway- I wasn't going to talk to him, but I broke down and confronted him. I don't even know why because he was so wasted that it was pointless. I basically just wanted some closure...I wanted to say some things I didn't get to say when we broke up. Anyway- he said that the only reason I broke up with him was because my friends hated him. He thinks that my friends put the idea in my head that he wasn't good enough for me. He really has no idea why I broke up with him...he's in denial. He doesn't want to accept the fact that our break up was his fault. Instead he would rather blame it on my friends. He wanted to come home with me, but I told him no. I told him that as long as he continued to use drugs I would not be a part of his life and walked away. The last thing I saw was him stumbling down the street and this broke my heart. I know I did the right thing, but that doesn't make it any easier. Ever since then I have been an emotional wreck...I feel like I'm starting this break up all over again...like I'm back at step one.

Jenn985

It's so hard to see someone you love act like that. It's even worse, at least for me knowing that there's not a damm thing you can do about it. I was given some advice and I find myself using it every day. It was "hate the disease, and not the person."

I know right now you are hurting. Try to think that when he chooses to quit using, he'll realize what he lost. You're so strong for saying no! Don't feel bad, it might just be his ticket to recovery. Stay strong, you're doing great!!!!

katyk

Its not recommended to confront or have a serious discussion with the A when he/she is drunk or high. It can be hard to stop yourself, though.

My husband was wasted last week, and I just carried on and carried on at him like a mad woman. A little voice in my head (thanks, HP) told me I should save it, that all this energy I was putting in to telling him out p*$$%d off I was wasn't going to pay off; he wasn't going to remember a thing. I couldn't control myself, though, and I didn't stop myself, but at least I was able to let go of an expectation that he'd really listen to me, or that my words would make a difference. Sure enough, the next day he didn't remember a word. And I had to laugh at myself; I could have kept my dignity and been equally effective if I'd shouted at the wall.

Anyway, you did the right thing to not backslide into your XABF's life. Its hard to make the right choices, but keep taking care of yourself. You're not at step 1, you haven't gone back and even though its painful, you realize that he's an addict in denial. And why do you want that world of pain in your life?

BayAreaPhoenix

((((hugs))))

You did the right thing, in the long run, it would be even more painful!

lexusgirl

I know exactly how you feel It seems if we see them or talk to them it just opens the wound all over again...

I know for myself, that I need to stay as far away as I can when I make the break to leave my abf. I know it wasn't your fault running into him, that makes it even harder.

Stay strong

*hugs*