faithhopelovejr

I'm baaackkk!!! i see a lot of names that were on here several months ago when i stoped posting. Well on my journey to recovery myself, something lead me back here. My ex AH is the reason for me being here. He is addicted to prescription drugs (codeine, etc.). He had 2 back surgeries, the first injury was what lead to his addiction. The second surgery was not necessary at the time, but employer had their fill of him and his pills, so he felt pushed into a second surgery to save his job. They had already fired him once for pills while he was out on comp, but as a settlement offer, gave him his job back.

Anyway, I love this man, but NOW I see that he's not better and I am better for leaving. He came home from a 30 day stint in rehab (Starlite Recovery) and immediately decided he had the alternative answer to the 12 Steps, which was doing exactly what HE wanted to do. He relapsed.

I had told him I would divorce him when he got on the plane to rehab, if when he returned, he didn't do what he needed to do to stay sober. So December '06, he moved out and immediately found a female who was ready and willing to take him in. I don't know if she's a pill popper too, or just naive. I don't really see her as a threat to me, just a characteristic of one of the enevitable things that happen when addiction is involved.

So my ex still calls and drops by. Sometimes he's got his snap and other times he doesn't. I know I have the choice to not answer the door or the phone. I remember a time when he would leave my house and I would be in tears. I'm not there anymore. When he leaves, I am able to thank God for my restored sanity.

It breaks my heart to see him do this. He has two girls from a previous marriage. The oldest is 15, one year older than my daughter, from a previous marriage. His daughter had issues, and at her age now, she's sneaking to do stuff and I see that it's best that we're not together because my daughter would be exposed to that and she hears enough about it at school. So as I ponder over why I went down this road of misery, I am able to be grateful that my daughter isn't exposed to the chaos anymore.

I feel SOOO cheated. His addiction drained me of my sanity. Everytime I see him, there's some new chaos he's gotten himself into because of doing things "his way." It's like visiting a graveyard and expecting the scenery to change. It just doesn't. And I see the progression of the disease now, when as before I didn't understand what "progression" of the disease meant. I see that he repeats himself a lot and just as I learned early on, an addict always speaks of the past or the future, because living in the present would cause him to have to change his situation. He rehashes our past, and at times when I guess he was feeling really low, he'd admit that he was the reason for our divorce, but then on a "good" day, he will tell me things like how ugly I talked to him, and how nobody has ever spoken to him that way.... The list goes on. In my defense I simply say, it wasn't you I was speaking to, it's the disease and if I were to re-live the situation, I'm sure the same words would come out again.

I'm ready to move on. I have my wedding ring and I'd like to sell it and bring my daugher and me on a cruise. I'm at peace with him, but the sadness will always be there. Is there anyone else who has reached this point, or experienced the same? Thanks for listening.

best

Just so you don't get hit with another let down later...

What people get when they trade in a ring or anything else is maybe equal to about 10% of what things were bought for...unless it was bought 30 years ago.


Bought price...$2000
Wholesale price...$1000
Used price value...$500
Trade in price (wholesale used value) Maybe $300 if lucky.



As for reaching the point you are at with the feelings you have... You are on the way to a good revcovery for yourself.

faithhopelovejr

yeah I know! Thanks! I'm asking $3500. He paid around $6000+. I know i'm still asking more than what I'll probably get!

BayAreaPhoenix

Faithhope! Thanks for your story! I am in the process of starting divorce proceedings with my AH (codeine). Luckily we have no children, but I'm getting ready for an ordeal. Hopefully I'm wrong, but none-the-less, your story shows me what I'm working towards! That feeling of letting go completely! Thanks!

katie44

Thankyou for your story it bring up so many of the feelings I have had for a very long time. I am preparing to leave a marriage of a very long time. I see no future with this man. Your story brings me hope, although I can totally relate to the anger.

hello-kitty

thanks for posting your story.

I hope you take that cruise. My wedding ring was stolen by one of my crackhead exs buddies. I don't know which one or when I just know I went to pull it out one day and it was gone.

Just goes to show you can't take it with ya.